From the category archives:

Slambook

skymall: the hunger games edition

August 17, 2010
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it has recently come to our attention that the hunger games are no longer limited to the unfortunate tributes of panem. that’s right, my friends, YOU TOO CAN BE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH BY A 10-YEAR-OLD IN THE ARENA! i have to admit, i’ve actually considered buying the HG board game, but only for cocktail-swilling, slumber [...]

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Sweet Valley High Gave Me the Kissing Disease: SVH 26-30 + 2 Super Editions!

July 2, 2010
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You guys!  Are you so excited?  Like, Jesse Spano-on-Caffeine Pills level of excitement?  Sweet Valley High is BACK, bishes! I know exactly how you feel.  When I’m not reading a Sweet Valley High book and playing the drinking game, a sort of depression falls over me.  It’s characterized by a lack of stabbing pains in [...]

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sorry, i think you have the wrong number.

June 21, 2010
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BOOK REPORT for gimme a call by sarah mlynowski bff charm: nay swoonworthy scale: 2 talky talk: OMG! bonus factors: back to the future, the butterfly effect, dawn relationship status: straight to voicemail

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i hate the flower girl: Flowers in the Attic continues!

June 18, 2010
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Friends!  Countrymen!  YA readers!  Lend me your shot glasses!  It is time for another installment of everyone’s favorite tween porn book, Flowers in the Attic! Where last we had left our intrepid narrator Cathy, she and her obnoxious siblings: Closeted Chris, Caterwauling Carrie and Consumptive Cory were having a tale spun by their psychotic mother, [...]

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por lo menos los besos era bueno

June 14, 2010
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BOOK REPORT for perfect chemistry by simone elkeles bff charm: nay swoonworthy scale: 8 talky talk: no frills mexicano bonus factors: uptown girl, she’s all that, brown people relationship status: one night stand

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flower scowler – Flowers in the Attic Prologue and Chapter 1

June 4, 2010
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Dear FYA readers, Hi!  It’s your friend Erin here, who probably owes you five or ten dollars and forgot your birthday last week, but this week she made you cupcakes, and also bought you a drink, so you grudgingly forgive her as you lick chocolate buttercream icing off your fingertips. GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS? [...]

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Hasta La Vista, Todd: Sweet Valley High 21-25 + Perfect Summer

May 14, 2010
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What ho, FYAers?  Have you all been very busy perfecting your tans, flipping your sun-kissed blonde hair over your shoulder, watching your perfect size six figures and ruining strangers’ lives by interfering in their personal problems? Good!!  Then that means you’re ready for another round of Sweet Valley High drinking! Where last we left off, [...]

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something like meh

April 25, 2010
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BOOK REPORT for something like fate by susane colasanti bff charm: meh swoonworthy scale: 4 talky talk: like, he goes, totally bonus factor: fortune telling, note codes relationship status: i’m just not that into you

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terror in the skies! Sweet Valley High 16-20

April 1, 2010
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You guys didn’t think I’d forgotten about poor Sweet Valley High, did you?  Well, I didn’t forget.  I willfully ignored them.  That’s different. But lo, here I am, with yet another installment of our favorite shitbags, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, and their many and varied friends and family members, all as horrible as they are [...]

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The Hollow Minds

March 12, 2010
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Yesterday poshdeluxe asked me to write an epic poem about Twilight.  Of course, she was just joking, but ha ha!!  I was serious!  (It’s why you should never jokingly challenge me to do something.  I’ve had food poisoning at least three times as the result of a joke challenge.) Unfortunately, in case you haven’t noticed [...]

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