Forever Young Adult » Required Reading

Even the Big Dipper can’t hold my love for this book

Poshdeluxe — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:28:04 +0000

BOOK REPORT for The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

cover story: like a mothereffing ADULT!
bff charm: a thousand times yes
swoonworthy scale: 8
talky talk: John Greentastic
bonus factors: non-Nicholas Sparks cancer, Cliff Huxtable Award of Awesome Dadhood, Amsterdam, The Price of Dawn
relationship status: infinite love

cover story: like a mothereffing ADULT!

Oh, hey there, strangers in public. Did this book cover happen to catch your eye? (Perhaps because I’m totally holding it upright on this table instead keeping it glued to my lap like usual.) Are you assuming that I’m some kind of intellectual because I’m reading a book with a cool, quirky but not-trying-too-hard cover? Do you want to ask me about it but fear my superior literary knowledge? Well, I’ll tell you– it’s about a teenager with cancer. Shocking, I know, because there’s no image of footsteps on a beach or stock photos of sad people on the cover! ISN’T THAT INCREDIBLE? Also, yes, I am some kind of intellectual, thanks for asking.

the deal:

So, as I just mentioned, this book is about a girl with cancer. But before you stop reading this review, because you already saw A Walk To Remember and even though you love Mandy Moore you really don’t need more saccharine bullshizz in yr life, I would like to point out that it’s a book about a girl with cancer… written by John Green.

In other words, this is not yr typical cancer book. And by that I mean, it is amazing.

So, Hazel Grace Lancaster has cancer, and she’s been living with it for a while now. It’s terminal, but she’s on a wonder drug that has bought her some time. How much time… she doesn’t know. But she DOES know a lot about what it’s like to be a cancer victim. She knows the medical terminology and the support group spiel and the ideal qualities in a nurse and how strangers will give up their seat for you and how much it will hurt her parents when she finally dies. Yep, Hazel knows a lot about dying with cancer.

But then she meets Augustus Waters, cancer survivor and devastating charmer, and suddenly, for the first time in a long time, she wants to know more about living than dying.

bff charm: a thousand times yes

Hazel Grace, I know you don’t want to form a lot of attachments because you’re dying, but I beg of you, PLEASE BE MY BESTIE. You are incredibly smart and fascinating and thoughtful, and your humor is as dry as I wish your lungs could be. You have an old soul, but I love that you’re still a teenager at heart, so we could spend the afternoon talking about books and life and Big Questions and then spend the night watching bad reality TV marathons. You are so brave, Hazel Grace, and don’t roll your eyes at me– I’m not saying that because you have cancer. You’re brave because you dare to love and be loved, and you give the universe the respect it deserves… while also calmly defying it.

I also MUST give a charm to Isaac, a dude with eye cancer in Hazel’s support group. Isaac is just… awesome. You’ll see. (No pun intended, Isaac! Ok, maybe a little.)

swoonworthy scale: 8

If you’ve read any of John Green’s books, you’re already aware that the man knows how to write an endearingly imperfect boy. And because of this, you might think that you’re prepared for the charisma of Augustus Waters. Well, my friends, I must politely tell you that I DON’T THINK YOU’RE READY FOR THIS JELLY. Augustus Waters is insanely hot. Augustus Waters has a fake leg. Augustus Waters reads books based on violent video games. Augustus Waters puts cigarettes in his mouth but never lights them for metaphorical reasons. Augustus Waters is MAGIC. In fact, he’s almost too good to be true, and then you remember that he had cancer, and he lost a leg, and that sort of thing can transform a teenage boy into an introspective, intelligent and wonderfully vibrant person.

Augustus is obvs fantastic, but what really makes this book swoonworthy is Hazel’s journey in knowing him. From the tingles of newness to the delight of discovery to the baring of souls, their relationship is both whimsically charming and intensely beautiful. And I’m probably going to use one of their conversations as a reading at my wedding. SO YEAH.

talky talk: John Greentastic

Like Sara Zarr and other YA greats, John Green deserves his v. own talky talk category. His books are always witty, always thoughtful and never condescending. He crafts authentic yet entertaining characters, compelling story lines and dialogue so real, you think the pages are breathing. So when I say what I’m about to say, you might not believe me. You might not think it’s possible. But, you guys, I’m pretty sure that this novel is his best writing to date. I KNOW, I know, but hear me out. See, it’s not as quirky or as funny as some of his other books, but that’s exactly why it’s so powerful. It feels like Green took risks with this book– serious, emotional risks– instead of relying on that indie cheekiness that’s made him so successful. And while there were still a few times when I felt like the quirkiness was laid on a bit thick, I was too busy being TOTALLY DESTROYED (and then resuscitated, and then destroyed) by the soaring height and raw depth he achieved with his masterful, creative, brilliant use of words.

I also want to point out that even though I totally predicted a major plot point, I didn’t guess just how affected I would be by all of the twists and turns along the way.

bonus factor: non-Nicholas Sparks cancer

It is downright REFRESHING to read a book about cancer that isn’t schmaltzy and melodramatic and ready to be turned into a Lifetime Movie. Hazel’s battle is painful and scary and sad, but it’s also become normal for her. It’s a part of her life. And it was enlightening for me to experience not just the highs and lows of that life, but also its mundaneness.

P.S. If this book does get optioned for film, I really hope that Hazel’s breathing tubes (which she wears all of the time) will keep any pop-star-turned-actress FAR, FAR AWAY FROM IT.

bonus factor: Cliff Huxtable Award of Awesome Dadhood

The Cliff Huxtable Award of Awesome Dadhood

First, I have to point out that Hazel’s mom is also super, duper awesome but OMG HER DAD! HER DAAAAAAD!!! I ADORE HIM WITH ALL OF MY BEING!!! He loves Hazel so much, and he cries easily, and he’s wise, and he totally straight talks her. Here’s one of my favorite exchanges between them:

… Dad still had his arm around me, and I was kinda starting to fall asleep, but I didn’t want to go to bed, and then Dad said, “You know what I believe? I remember in college I was taking this math class, this really great math class taught by this tiny old woman. She was talking about fast Fourier transforms and then she stopped midsentence and said, ‘Sometimes it seems the universe wants to be noticed.’

“That’s what I believe. I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it–or my observation of it– is temporary?”

“You are fairly smart,” I said after a while.

“You are fairly good at compliments,” he answered.

bonus factor: Amsterdam

I won’t spoil it for you by explaining how, but through an awesomely weird, very John Green-esque twist, Amsterdam has a lovely cameo in this book. And now I want to go to there. BUT NOT BECAUSE OF DRUGS. I swear.

bonus factor: The Price of Dawn

Augustus Waters’ favorite video game (and book) is the Price of Dawn, a super violent macho-fest starring Max Mayhem and his sidekicks, Manny Loco and Jasper Jacks. Obvs it’s based on real trends in video games, and obvs, it sounds AWESOME!

casting call:

MAN, this is a tough one. We need legit good actors for these roles, PLUS Augustus has to be dreamy, PLUS Hazel has to look kinda like Natalie Portman (as indicated in the book), so I went with these superstars:

Shailene Woodley as Hazel

Tom Sturridge as Augustus Waters

relationship status: infinite love

There’s a part in the book when Hazel talks about experiencing an infinity of love. And that’s exactly how I feel about this story. I wish I could copy and paste it here, but I don’t want to spoil it for you, so we’ll have to settle for my inferior words. But this book, OH this book. This book slayed me. This book inspired me. This book made my eyes insanely puffy for days because THE CRYING. SO. MUCH. CRYING. (Like, I’m not playing with that DNRIP tag, y’all.) But most importantly, this book filled me with a sense of awe, of wonder for the ordinary magnificence of life. And because I have an infinite love for this book, I don’t mind sharing it with others. In fact, I want to share it with as many of you as possible, so please, please go out and read this and laugh and cry (oh, THERE WILL BE TEARS) and freak out and spazz out and just FEEL IT. Feel it deeply. And then come back here so we can celebrate it together.

A straight line is not the shortest distance between two points.

Jenny — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:00:52 +0000

BOOK REPORT for A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L’Engle

Cover Story: Groovy
BFF Charm: Make It Rain!
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: Fantastical
Bonus Factors: Faults,R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Faith
Relationship Status: LOVE. That is what we have that IT does not.

Cover Story: Groovy

Look at this 50th Anniversary Edition cover! It’s GEORGEOUS! It’s also a nice throwback to the year this book was written. I swear, this cover’s so pretty, if it was a poster I’d frame it.

The Deal:

Confession time: I never read this book as a kid. It wasn’t an intentional slight, it just got overlooked. Here is my review, as an adult reading it for the first time, as part of our participation in the book’s 50th anniversary.

Meg Murry has it rough in school. She’s not like everybody else, but worse, her father disappeared while working on a top secret project for the government, and the whole town whispers that he left Meg’s mother for another woman. Meg KNOWS this isn’t true, but it’s not until she meets three strange ladies that she finds out that her father is in trouble.

Soon Meg — along with her baby brother Charles Wallace and new friend Calvin O’Keefe — are sent on a dangerous mission of their own through time and space to rescue her father from the Dark Thing that is looming over Earth.

BFF Charm: Make it Rain!

Oh, Meg. Megaparsec. My own Meg Murry. What a best friend you would have been to a young me! Fiercely loyal, imaginative, and not a little bit grumpy. In other words, you would have joined Anne Shirley in becoming one of the only two girls in the world (even though you’re actually fictional) who would have totally GOTTEN me. Calvin is just adorable. Things just are the way they are with him, and I was instantly charmed by his affability and sense of humor. And Charles Wallace. CHARLES WALLACE!!!! How many boys out there are named Charles Wallace [insert last name] because of this book? God, I just wanted to hug him so hard. And the three of them together made just the best group. I’d tesser with them anytime. OR I’d stay behind and hang out with Fortinbras. Because, Fortinbras!

Then there’s Mrs. Whatsit, Who and Which, not to mention Aunt Beast. In an age where so many adult figures in YA are incredibly flawed and selfish, how nice to have some who are eccentric and silly and helpful and nurturing.

Swoonworthy Scale: 3

While there’s lots of hand-holding and even a tiny bit of kissage, Calvin and Meg felt very young to me. Perhaps the swoon will increase in the future installments. However, I couldn’t help but give this book a couple of points for Mr. and Mrs. Murry, who were still so in love, even though you only get a glimpse of them together.

Talky Talk: Fantastical

So I was a little apprehensive about reading this beloved story for the first time as an adult. What if it was one of those books that you had to read as a kid to fall in love with it?

I needn’t have worried. L’Engle’s prose folded me in like I was fabric in Mrs. Whatsit’s skirt, and I immediately loved both her characters and the worlds she created. It did feel like a book written FOR children in the sense that it was filled with the magic and wonderment of a child, so my advice to would-be first time adult readers is to leave your cynicism at the door and embrace it with both arms.

Bonus Factor: Faults

WHEN has there EVER been a book written about a girl, in which said girl is encouraged by someone in authority that her faults would be her strength? Here! That’s where! Although of course, but change one word and a fault becomes a virtue. Perhaps Meg’s stubbornness was, after all, always tenacity? And likewise, perhaps my thirst for champ cans is after all, a thirst for… yeah, I guess that one doesn’t work…

Bonus Factor: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

The author doesn’t dumb down this book. There’s science in it! Like, complex science! With atoms! And mature moral lessons like the fact that alike and equal are not the same thing! There’s also all kinds of made up fantasy stuff, but it’s all written in a way that didn’t make me feel like I was reading a KID’S BOOK.

Bonus Factor: Faith

Maybe it’s the fact that this was published in 1962, but there’s a lot of God and Bible stuff in the story. Usually that puts me right off — there’s nothing I hate more than sneaky prosthelytization. But it’s in here in such a way that’s so pure and not phony or preachy or even terribly religion excluding (there’s a mention of Buddah!) that I found myself touched, because when facing adversity, George Michael was right. You gotta have it.

Casting Call:

There’s already been movie adaptations of this book, and another one is in the works, so I decided to just put up my dream cast:

Hailee Steinfeld as Meg Murry

Hailee’s the only young actress who comes to mind who could do justice to Meg’s fierceness.

Jesse Plemons as Calvin O'Keefe

I totally pictured Calvin as Landry the WHOLE time.

Asa Butterfield as Charles Wallace Murry

I mean, he’s technically too old, but… CHARLES WALLACE!!!!

Relationship Status: LOVE. That is what we have that IT does not.

Much like Meg, it took me some time to figure it out. But by the end I was crying right along with her, “I love you! I love you! I LOVE you!”

FYA’s Top Ten Favorite Reads of 2011

Megan no h — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 14:19:00 +0000

The new year is approaching and no website/blog’s end of the year reflections are complete without the requisite slew of “best of” lists. Yesterday we brought you our top ten swooniest books. Today we bring you the best of the best – our favorite reads published in 2011. Sure, it’s not like we read ALL of the YA published in 2011. But we read quite a bit and there were a lot of goodies to choose from. Like any good parents, we claim we don’t like to pick favorites. But everyone knows that’s bull and favorites we have picked, so here they be!

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor
-picked by Megan no h

The Deal:

Karou seems like your average blue haired, tattooed art student living in Prague. Except that her appearance is the least unusual thing about her. Karou often disappears, running mysterious errands all over the world and draws beautiful pictures of monsters she claims are real. These monsters are chimaera, otherworldly creatures whose appearance is half human-half animal and are the only family Karou has ever known. The chimaera Brimstone runs a store that trades in teeth and wishes and Karou works for him, never knowing what the teeth are used for and how she came to grow up in this unusual shop. But Karou’s life gets turned upside-down soon after the appearance of Akiva, a seraph soldier with a dark past who may know more about Karou’s past than she does.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

Laini Taylor is one of the best darn YA writers out there today. I’d previously admired her prose in her short stories and as the first full length novel of hers I’ve read, this book did not disappoint me. She managed to take an overdone scenario (high school girl falls for a paranormal/otherworldly creature) and turn it into something completely unexpected and awesome. The last 150 pages of the book blew my mind with its vivid and unique the world building. This book really snuck up on me and I found myself thinking about it for days.

Divergent by Veronica Roth
–picked by Poshdeluxe

The Deal:

If you thought the cliques at your high school were bad, just wait until you visit Beatrice Prior’s Chicago. In this totally effed up future version of the city, people are divided into five factions based upon their natural abilities. Although she’s grown up in the selfless faction of Abnegation, Beatrice’s aptitude test reveals a startling discovery– she’s Divergent, which means she’s equally fit for Abnegation and Dauntless, the brave warriors who run the military. On her sixteenth birthday, Beatrice shocks her family (and herself) by choosing Dauntless, and she’s immediately thrown into training that she may not survive. With the help of new friends and her smokin’ hot instructor, Four, Beatrice must find the strength inside of herself to meet the Dauntless challenge while uncovering a conspiracy that could destroy everything she loves.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

I know, I know. I thought I was sick of dystopia too. But then I picked up this book and met badass mothercussin’ Beatrice (Tris), and I was hooked. And THEN I met Four, one of the hottest characters to ever grace a YA page, and I fell in love. In this epic adventure of romance and revolution, Roth deftly creates complex characters you can root (and cry) for and engages them in a heart-pounding battle for truth and life. If this first book is any indication, this trilogy will kick the shizz out of The Hunger Games. Because there ain’t no way Tris will faint when the going gets tough, and she sure as hell isn’t having babies against her will.

Dreamland Social Club by Tara Altebrando
-picked by Erin

The Deal:

Jane has just moved to Coney Island, the place of her deceased mother’s childhood, with her father and her brother Marcus. Jane and Marcus inherited their grandparents’ rundown house upon the occassion of their grandfather’s death, and their plan is to stay in Coney Island for a year, fix up the house, sell it, and get the hell out. “It’s only for a year,” Marcus and Jane’s father keeps reminding them.

But soon Jane falls in love with Coney Island – shut-down rides, rundown bars, chained-up carousel horses and the people who call it home – goth dwarf Babette, legless HT, the giant Legs, and a mysterious boy named Leo who happens to have a tattoo that Jane is certain she’s seen before.

In a year of exploring Coney’s past and fighting for its future, Jane discovers that not everything is easy and not everything is just. But with the help of a secret set of keys, she might just discover things she never knew about her mother and herself.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

A good book takes you to a place outside of yourself. A great book is so effortlessly magical and yet realistic that you feel as if you have always existed inside its pages and are merely greeting an old, close friend. Dreamland is such a book. At once both a tilt-a-whirl of lurid Coney Island history and an intimate portrait of a girl hoping to discover her dead mother’s secret life, this book will invite you in, let you put your feet up, and fix you your favorite drink before breaking – and restoring – your heart.

Everybody Sees The Ants by A. S. King
-picked by Jenny

The Deal:

Lucky Lindermann is anything but. In fact, he’s victim to some pretty horrifying bullying, and there’s no one who’ll help him. His dad’s too distant emotionally — plus, he’s always at work — and his mom never stands up for herself, much less Lucky, burying her head and swimming a few more laps.

But his dream life is a different story. Because every night, Lucky travels to the jungles of Vietnam, where his grandfather went MIA years and years ago. There, Lucky can actually fight back, and each morning when he wakes there’s something tangible that suggests his dreams are REAL. So Lucky is determined to bring his Granddad back home, somehow. Because maybe if his own father had his dad around, he’d learn how to be a dad himself. Maybe if Lucky could rescue his grandfather, he’d be able to rescue himself.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

In a year when bullying was brought to the forefront of everyone’s mind, this book arrived with its heartwarming/breaking tales and sage advice. I don’t think there’s a person on the planet who couldn’t identify with Lucky, and as he struggles and searches to find his own way in this world, he leaves behind universal truths like little lights along the path of life.

OR I could just say “Duh, this is A. S. King’s new book. GO OUT AND BUY IT ALREADY!!!” Why? Because in this, her third book, she strikes a tone yet again that is specifically her own. She also wins the honor of being one of only two YA authors my husband will read — no questions asked. Her writing is real and believable and often-times raw — in a way that makes the voice of her characters tangible — while always dipping a toe in the fantastical. She can tackle ISSUES that inspire the reader to be a better person, to not let old wounds or dysfunctional parents or mean people define us. And she does it in a way that is both heartfelt and humorous, woven so deeply into the story itself, that it never once feels sanctimonious and preachy.

Life: An Exploded Diagram by Mal Peet
-picked by Meghan

The Deal:

Clem Ackroyd, startled into life by a Nazi dogfight in the sky over his Norfolk village, grows up working-class and wholly unprepared to fall in love with Frankie Mortimer, the local gentry’s bewitching daughter. As the Cold War simmers around them, Clem and Frankie race to grow up before it’s too late, and his parents — who did the same during World War II — muddle through middle age.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

Mal Peet might be the best YA — or any level — writer we never hear about. And that’s a damn shame, y’all. He’s that gem of an author, one who just writes a gorgeous story with gorgeous words and doesn’t write for a particular audience. The book’s bitter and cynical, and also sentimental — but with a clear-eyed view of the madness of military might and our human inability to look beyond our little lives and the past five minutes and see trouble bubbling over. The characters are so strongly drawn, they flirt with becoming caricatures while staying wholly real. Coupled with the hopscotching narration, the result is a hot crazy mess of awesome.

Okay for Now by Gary Schmidt
-picked by Meghan

The Deal:

because his drunk wife-and-son-beater dad mouthed off to his boss at the paper mill and got fired, and the only job he could get was in a paper mill where his no-good drunk best friend Ernie Eco works. Anyway, life kind of sucks for Doug. His oldest brother’s off in Vietnam, his other brother is a hoodlum who stole his autographed Joe Pepitone baseball cap — given to him by Joe himself, and now he’s stuck in a crappy little town where there’s nothing to do but go to the library. AND there’s an obnoxious know-it-all girl who sucks because she’s pretty and funny, so she’s impossible to ignore, and of course the whole town judges Doug by his father and older brother’s antics.

But when Doug discovers John James Audubon’s birds in the library, his life starts to change, beginning with meeting Mr. Powell, the librarian who helps him learn to draw, and ending with just about everyone in the town — including Doug himself.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

If Doug doesn’t crack you up and make you cry and have you thinking seriously about adopting him, or at least becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister, you have a heart of stone. Every single character in the book is worth falling in love with, and by the end, you’ll be cursing science for not having invented a machine that transports you into books.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
-picked by Megan no h

The Deal:

The future isn’t very bright for Wade Watts. It’s the year 2044 and the world is steadily circling down the toilet. A combination of global warming and our dependence on fossil fuels (which have more or less run out by this time) has led even the most wealthy countries to become overrun by poverty, famine and unemployment. Wade lives with his horrible aunt on the top of a “stack” – rows of mobile homes stacked one on top of each other that surround most major US cities. Wade’s only escape is to spend all of his time in OASIS, an online virtual platform that almost the entire world (those who can afford it, anyway) is connected to. When the reclusive billionaire creator of OASIS died, he pledged his entire fortune to the first person to discover an easter egg he left buried in the game. When Wade discovers the first key to the prize, he has no idea just how much this discovery will change his whole life.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

This book is a hot mess of crazy fun. What do I mean? Well, this book is an explosion of 80s nerd nostalgia and video game action. It will feed your inner geek like a complimentary Las Vegas buffet. But seriously, this book was one of the most fun I’ve read in a long time. I actually ignored people so I could keep reading this book, always excited to get to the next pop culture reference or have Wade find the next clue in the crazy contest he is trying to solve. It reads like a video game combined with a nerd reference text and while that won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, for others it will be a delight.

Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater
-picked by Jenny

The Deal:

Every November, the people on the island of Thisby await the arrival of the Capall Uisce – the mysterious water horses that are as much a part of the island as the people themselves — as they prepare for the Scorpio Races.

Kate “Puck” Connolly has just found out that she and her brothers are about to lose everything: their house, her beloved horse Dove, and each other. The only solution she can see is to enter the races.

Sean Kendrick has won the Scorpio Races 4 times, on the water horse Corr, who he sometimes thinks he understands better than most people. All he really wants is to buy Corr from his boss and go back to his father’s farm, but up until this year, Mr. Malvern has refused to sell Corr to Sean.

As Kate, Sean and the other jockeys make preparations for race day, they face down danger every day — not just from the island horses, but from some of the people of Thisby, as well.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

This might be the most original fantasy I read all year. It’s definitely my favorite of Stiefvater’s works, and will appeal to both horse lovers and action/suspense junkies. The language of Thisby of so stark, the characters so vivid, you can almost smell the sea and feel the sand in your shorts. Stiefvater kept me on the edge of my seat — constantly waiting for the worst to happen — as the book pounded toward its conclusion, only letting me rest when I had closed its final pages.

Where She Went by Gayle Forman
–picked by Poshdeluxe

The Deal:

Over three years have passed since the car accident that killed Mia’s family and left her in a coma, forced to choose between life and death. Her boyfriend, Adam, basically devoted his life to her recovery, but when Mia left for Julliard and never contacted him again, his heart shattered beyond repair. Of course, we all know that depression makes for great music, and Adam’s band (name omitted due to its highly embarrassing nature) is now insanely famous. In spite of his rock star riches, Adam’s life is empty without Mia, and when he runs into her one night in New York City, they set out to find the hidden gems of the city… and maybe, just maybe, their love for each other.

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

You might be thinking, “But Posh, this book already made your 2011 Top Swoonworthy List!” To which I would respond, “EXACTLY. Also, it’s nice to see that you’ve memorized our swoon list so quickly. EXCELLENT WORK, YANGELIST.” Seriously, though, this book could have made it into my top two faves by hotness alone, but Gayle Forman had to go and be an overachiever with her gorgeous, insanely compelling writing and her expertise on New York City eccentricities. I read this book in one sitting, because there was nothing, NOTHING more important to me than finding out what happened between Adam and Mia. Like, I didn’t even get up to make a cocktail. THAT is how much I loved this book, you guys. LIKE WHOAH.

Winter Town by Stephen Emond
-picked by Erin

The Deal:

Evan, an Ivy League-bound senior with secret RISD aspirations, looks forward to his childhood best friend Lucy’s annual visit every winter. Once the very best of friends, Lucy and Evan’s relationship shifted after Lucy moved south with her mother. But now, once a year, Lucy makes her way back home to spend Christmas with her sad, schlubby father and to recapture her friendship with Evan.

But this year . . . this year Lucy is different. No longer bright and witty, Lucy is withdrawn, sarcastic, bitter. Half of the time she shows no interest in her and Evan’s many winter rituals; the other half of the time she is demanding that they recreate times from the past.

Can Evan break past Lucy’s new hard exterior and find the warm, gooey childlike Lucy center that he knows is still there? Can Lucy learn to reconcile her past self with her present self and reach for what she wants? Can Lucy and Evan’s dads invite me over to their houses for Christmas?

Why This Book Is Worth a Thousand Champ Cans:

What can I say? Winter Town had everything I require in a great book: relatable characters in an everyday setting with just enough of an ethereal quality to make me feel as if I, too, am young with all the world before me.

So, what were your favorite YA books of 2011? Any books we reviewed that you think should have been included on our list? Any you think should be banished from our list? And what books did we miss reviewing in 2011 that we should play catch up for on 2012?

The top ten swooniest books of 2011

Meghan — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 18:00:32 +0000

While the rest of the world is spending the week composing Best Dystopian Trilogy or Most Hotly Anticipated Blockbuster Film Franchise lists, we’ve chosen to wrap up 2011 with what we love best — swoon (you thought I’d say champ can, didn’t you? We wouldn’t turn one down). We all know a good swoon goes with everything, from that ugly sweater you got from your great-aunt Mildred to yet another vampire book, and these swoons are guaranteed to light a few panty fires.

So in order of swoonworthiness (and then letter-by-letter alphabetical order — we’re particular around here), we present FYA’s Top Ten Swoons of 2011. I hope you have a fire extinguisher ready!

Hidden by Tomas Mournian
Swoonworthy scale: 10

The deal:

Ahmed’s a young, gay teen who has just been released from the evil, torturous, “Scared Straight” prison that his hypocritical father and heinous stepmother have sentenced him to. Instead of going home with his parents, a sedated, hallucinatory Ahmed sees his chance for escape and takes it.

Soon, he’s on the run and taken in by no-nonsense Marci, left to fend for himself in a one-room safe house with seven other gay teenagers hiding out from their parents. The majority of the teens are trapped in that house until they come of age, and they have to deal with bounties placed on their heads, turning tricks to make the ends meet, hiding out from cops and their evil parents, gender identity, HIV, PTSD and, oh yeah, love.

Ahmed has to figure out who he can trust and how he can stay alive, cause not only does he have parents who he’s pretty sure want to burn him to death, he also happened to witness the rape and murder of a young male sex worker by a dead-eyed pyscho . . . who has now turned his cold, dead eyes on Ahmed.

Can he stay alive? Can he learn to trust anyone ever again? Will the memories of the trauma he endured at the “correction facility” ever fade? Will he win the heart of J.D.? I really hope you guys all pick up this book to find out, but, fair warning, it ain’t for the faint of heart.

Why it’s so swoony:

Can I have a swoonworthy scale of 10 just for Hammer’s abs and ass? Even though he’s like 16? I mean, I just want to get that out of the way. Hammer, I know I’m not your type but please do a web show for me.

Moving on to the actual relationship here! Ahmed and J.D. the Pirate’s relationship is STEAMY TO THE EXTREME. You guys, Mournian is NOT fucking around here. No little hints about tingly feelings and swoony cartoon hearts, this. We’re talking full-on descriptions of the sexola.* But, even though Ahmed and J.D.’s relationship is HOT HOT HOT, I just kept cringing and thinking, “no, baby! He’s gonna break your heart! He can’t give you what you need! Why can’t you date that nice boy from down the street? Oh, sure, he doesn’t look like a gorgeous Adonis, but I’m sure his braces will be off soon and then his smile will be just lovely!” Because, J.D.? Is 100% smoking hot T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Not to mention that Kidd, one of the other house residents, is also warm for J.D.’s form, and is NOT the kind of dude you want to piss off.

Still. Very hot. So, so very hot.

*Nothing more explict than you’d read in a slash fanfic featuring the Salvatores from The Vampire Diaries. Um. Not that I have ever read any of those.

– Erin

Overbite by Meg Cabot
Swoonworthy scale: 9

The deal:

When we last saw Meena Harper, her vampire boyfriend, Lucien Antonescu, had almost sort of kind of maaaaaybe turnedintoadragonandburneddownhalfofStGeorge’sCathedral, killing hundreds of his own vampire followers and a few innocent bystanders. This could totally happen to anyone! But it is sort of a boner killer, mostly because you don’t want to have sex with someone who could turn into a DRAGON in the sack. Well, maybe you do. I don’t presume to know you and your life choices.

So that, combined with the fact that Meena Harper has been hired by the Palatine, the Vatican’s super-secret guard of demon hunters, due to her unique ability to tell how people can die, AND the fact that Lucien totally wants to turn Meena into a vampire so that they can live together forever, having dragon sex daily, sort of means that Meena and Lucien had to break up. I mean, it wasn’t awkward and it’s totally fine . . . except for how now Lucien never tries to contact Meena and Meena is technically working with someone who wants to kill him.

But just when Meena is getting on with her life and maybe finally showing an interest in dating again, all of her past relationships come crashing down on her. Literally.

Now Meena has to balance one dead ex-boyfriend, one undead ex-boyfriend who seems to be meaner and more abusive every day and a potential boyfriend (Alaric, obvs) while trying to figure out who exactly at the Palatine is trying to get her killed. Oh, and she has to save the world. Again.

Why it’s so swoony:

Never before (I think) have I given any Meg Cabot book less than a 10 on the swoonworthy scale. This is because Meg Cabot knows how to deliver exactly the type of swoon I love, which means fluttery feelings and unsure bumbling, but also sexy, sexy second base action.

However, I had to knock a point off because I couldn’t believe Meena was still carrying any sort of torch for Lucien when Alaric was around. I mean, I get that Lucien is gorgeous and wonderful and can turn into a dragon and have sex with you, but Alaric is panty-meltingly hot and wears Armani suits and drives fast cars and has a sword. NO CONTEST.

– Erin

Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins
Swoonworthy scale: 9

The deal:

Lola really only wants three things to happen in her teen life in order for her to be completely happy: to go to her winter formal dressed as Marie Antoinette, for her parents to accept her boyfriend, and to never see the Bell twins (Calliope and Cricket) again. Unfortunately, the Bells have just moved back into their house — right next door.
You see, Lola and Cricket Bell used to kind of be best friends. And then they almost became more-than best friends — before Cricket did something really mean and then moved away.

Why it’s so swoony:

From holding up signs in bedroom windows to talking to the moon, to finding your one true love only to lose them to a misunderstanding — this book felt like encyclopedia of classic romantic tropes. It left me with happy tears in my eyes, staring at its ridiculous cover, feeling that what I had just read was a story that would be cherished for many years to come.

–Jenny

Saving June by Hannah Harrington
Swoonworthy scale: 9

The deal:

A few days before graduation, Harper’s older sister June killed herself. June was the perfect one — perfect hair, perfect grades, perfect attitude — and Harper spent her whole life trying to be Not June. After the suicide, she questions just how perfect June’s life really was, especially after finding out how much it hurt June to crush her dreams of going to California just to make her parents happy, and finding a mix CD full of music June would never listen to from a boy she can’t imagine June ever meeting. Her mother is slowly drinking herself to death, despite the best efforts of her Bible-thumping aunt to Save her Soul, and before Harper can talk herself out of it, she is on a mission to take June’s ashes to California. Joined by her best friend Laney and mix-CD boy (also known as Jake), Harper hopes the road trip will help her learn more about June. She ends up learning a lot about herself.

Why it’s so swoony:

For the first bit of this book, I was worried it was going to be a Sneaky Jesus book, with the totally authentic philosophical “is there a god” talk — coupled with Harper’s obnoxious Bible-thumping aunt, I could see it veering into “and then I found the Lord and was saved!” territory. Lucky for all of us, it ended up being a SMOKING HOT book instead! The relationship between Harper and Jake is full of tension, since their only connection is June and they both are working through their grief and guilt over her death, and we all know tension is the best way into a lady’s panties. Jake’s the quintessential MLD/bad boy, all secretly sensitive and hot, and the only reason I deducted a point from the scale is because he thinks the Doors’ Soft Parade is good sexin’ music. Everyone knows if you’re going for “ironic”, cheeky mood music, stay away from Marvin Gaye and Jim Morrison’s “Touch Me” and go with LL Cool J.

–Meghan

Where She Went by Gayle Forman
Swoonworthy scale: 9

Meghan reviewed this one, but I had to steal it for my list because ADAAAAAM! Also, if you haven’t read the prequel, If I Stay, please please please skip to the next book on this list so you can avoid some major (and I mean MAJOR) spoilers.

The deal:

Why it’s so swoony:

LE SIGH. LE SIGH. LE SIGH. Is there anything more romantic than two soul mates who have one night in New York City to discover if they can rekindle their relationship? Sure, that might sound like the plot of a really bad rom com, but in the expert hands of Gayle Forman, it becomes an epic love story. Adam’s heartbreak combined with his empty rock star lifestyle infuses him with an intense desperation that I found unbelievable sexy. And since the book is written from his perspective, we don’t really know how Mia feels about him, which would have driven me insane had I not been busy dumping ice into my panties. The chemistry sizzles, the tension is smokin’, and the uncertainty is as delicious as it is painful. Adam and Mia, I hope you have a speech prepared, because you have officially been inducted into my Top Swoonworthy YA Couples List. CONGRATS, KIDS.

–Poshdeluxe

The Beginning of After by Jennifer Castle
swoonworthy scale: 8

The deal:

(Speaking of Gayle Forman, here’s a book that might *sound* like If I Stay but is totally and completely different. I promise! Also, what is up with me and all of this swoon via tragedy? I think I have a problem, you guys.)

You know how, in Home Alone, Kevin wishes his entire family would disappear, and then it’s like totally awesome, at least for the first few days of sundaes and stair sledding? Well, I have the feeling that sixteen-year-old Laurel will never know the joy of Home Alone again, because her family really did disappear. On a night after dinner with their neighbors, the Kaufmans, Laurel heads home to finish homework, and her mom, dad and brother get in the car with Mr. Kaufman behind the wheel for an ice cream run. On the way, the car is involved in a tragic accident, killing everyone except for Mr. Kaufman, who lands in a coma. In an instant, Laurel’s whole life changes in a way that no one could understand– no one, that is, except David Kaufman, who also ditched his family that night and lost his mother in the accident. Unlike Laurel, whose grandmother immediately moves in, David has no one except his vegetable father, and he constantly disappears. In spite of his flickering presence, Laurel finds herself drawn to him as she struggles to figure out how exactly life goes on.

Why it’s so swoony:

Oh, believe me, I’m surprised as you are to find a book about a family’s death on the top of my swoon list. But you should never underestimate the power of the MLD, especially under such emotionally intense circumstances.

David Kaufman, panties off to you, sir!!! You sure know how to set tragedy on fire with your hotness. Especially since you were kind of a jerk before the accident, what with your bad boy druggie ways and the fact that you totally ignored Laurel even though you played together as kids. But post-accident, SA-WOON. You’re tortured and lost and you aimlessly drive across the country and send Laurel cryptic post cards and you love your dog Masher and you are seriously TURNING ME ON. Plus, the fact that Laurel is trying to make it work with another guy just increases the romantic tension to almost unbearable levels.

–Poshdeluxe

Divergent by Veronica Roth
Swoonworthy scale: 8

The deal:

Arguably the biggest dystopian hit of the year, Divergent is set in a crumbling, futuristic Chicago. All the cities inhabitants are split into five segregated factions based on personality type. 16 year old Beatrice lives with her family in Abnegation, the selfless faction that runs the government. All teenagers her age are given an aptitude test to help determine their future faction. Except Beatrice’s test is inconclusive. She is what is referred to as “Divergent” but no one will explain to her what that means or why it’s dangerous. So Beatrice chooses Dauntless, shocking everyone but most of all her family. The Dauntless are brave and dangerous and lead very different lives than those in Abnegation. Beatrice have what it takes to make it through the Dauntless initiation process or will she be kicked out, forced to live her life as faction-less? And will Beatrice find out what it means to be Divergent before it’s too late?

Why it’s so swoony:

Many of you have already had the pleasure of experiencing Beatrice’s relationship with her handsome instructor Four. Now “teacher/student” roles can be a real turnoff, but luckily Four is only a couple of years older than Beatrice, making their dynamic sexy instead of yucky. And even better, Four is a classic Mysterious Loner Dude. Handsome, strong, unknown background and Beatrice is never quite sure if he likes her or hates her. And Four shows us how a little can go a long way, because the foreplay in this book is unreal. Okay, not like, actual foreplay, just a really great build up of little touches, flirting and sexual tension so thick you could butter it on bread. But don’t worry, this book isn’t a just tease – you’ll be left plenty satisfied.

–Megan

I’ll Be There by Holly Goldberg Sloan
Swoonworthy scale: 8

The deal:

Sam and his little brother Riddle have lived all over the country, uprooted by their dangerously crazy, criminal father every time the voices in his head warn him it’s time to move on. Her whole life, Emily Bell has lived in the same town, the same house with her normal professional parents, her little brother and their fat old dog Felix.

Sam hasn’t been to school since second grade, but knows how to disappear, how to protect strange little Riddle, and he knows music.

Emily’s been in the same school district her whole life, but she doesn’t know much about the world. She does believe everything is connected. So when her dad makes her sing a solo in church – “I’ll be There” by the Jackson 5, which is bad enough by itself, but Emily can’t sing – and she handles her nerves by singing to the strange boy in the back row, it has to mean something that the boy is Sam.

Emily doesn’t know what their meeting will do to Sam’s tenuous protective walls, but Sam does, and he tries to ignore their connection. But of course he can’t, and Sam and Emily knock down that first domino in a wild chain they’ll be powerless to stop.

Why it’s so swoony:

Sam’s determination to keep his distance from Emily makes the swoon so hardcore. Much like Cameron Quick in Sweethearts, Sam has lives at stake if he gets involved, but unlike Jenna, Emily doesn’t know anything about Sam’s life (since he won’t tell her), and that makes her heartbreak more bitter. Every time Sam tells Emily goodbye, he means it as a final goodbye, and while reading, I knew it if she didn’t, and I knew why and I was so tense and worried sick that each time would be THE time Sam’s father really snapped, so I just wanted to stretch out their time together as long as possible. Heartbreak, a few fist pumps and SWOONY TUNES (who knew city buses could bring the swoon?).

–Meghan

Fateful by Claudia Gray
Swoonworthy scale: 7

the deal:

Tess Davies has spent her adolescence as a maid in the service of the Lyles — a family with a title, lots of secrets — and not much else. But she finally has a chance at a new life, making it on her own, because (in hopes of marrying off their children to rich merchants in the US) the Lylse family is setting sail on the maiden voyage of The Titanic. Tess plans to set out on her own as soon as the ship makes port in NYC, where she will find good honest work as a seamstress or hired maid, freeing herself from the bonds of servitude.

Once aboard the vast ship, Tess is thrown into a mystery as unbelievable as it is deadly, when she meets Alec, a devastatingly handsome passenger in First Class, on his way back to the states from France, where he left suddenly, (and under questionable circumstances involving the gruesome murder of an actress friend of his).

We all know (SPOILER) the boat sinks, but will Tess and Alec even make it to the ‘berg as their relationship is challenged not only by class divide, but by the creatures of myth who are hunting him?

Why it’s so swoony:

Fateful makes my list because of how much it surprised me with it’s epic, sweeping romance. Call me crazy, but I just didn’t think a book about WEREWOLVES on the TITANIC could deliver such swoon! However, from the first moment our heroes meet, it became clear that this was a classic bosom heaver. The thrills! The suspense! The romance! By the end it had me singing Celine Dion. And that, my friends, is something that I just don’t do.

–Jenny

Cold Kiss by Amy Garvey
Swoonworthy scale: 7

The deal:

Wren’s boyfriend Danny is killed in a car crash, and she’s so heartbroken, she brings him back to life. But Wren doesn’t know much about her powers, since her mother refuses to admit they run in the family, and didn’t stop to think about the consequences of the spell. Danny’s not the real Danny, but an empty shell of the boy she loved, and he’s quickly getting out of control — and she can’t let anyone know he exists. What makes Danny so terrifying isn’t rotting flesh or a craving for brains (he’s not that kind of zombie, anyway), it’s getting inside Wren and knowing just how MUCH she loved him and how much she misses him. It’s knowing what he was like alive that makes the dead Danny’s dependence and lack of autonomy so chilling. As if struggling to figure out how to fix her immense mistake and handle the double loss of her first love wasn’t complicated enough for Wren, she meets Gabriel, a gorgeous — and living — boy who knows her secrets.

Why it’s so swoony:

I wouldn’t normally expect a zombie book to make any swoon list, let alone find a place in my decidedly anti-zombie pants, but we all know fire and ice just intensify each other. There’s no swoon with Danny, because right next to the glowing memories of living Danny is his cold, dead shell, but right next to THAT burns Gabriel, the new boy in Wren’s life. And nothing starts panty fires like secrets, rampant emotions and danger, wrapped up in a tall, grey-eyed, sandy-haired package.

–Meghan

Honorable Mention: Raw Blue by Kirsty Eagar

This book came out in Australia a few years ago, but since it’s not available in the US, I didn’t get my grabby little hands on it until 2011. The other books are lucky that it’s disqualified from this list, because it would SCORCH THE SHIZZ OUT OF THEM WITH ITS BLAZE OF SEXINESS.

–Poshdeluxe

You are the King Dork of my heart

Poshdeluxe — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 22:11:56 +0000

BOOK REPORT for King Dork by Frank Portman

cover story: BOSS
bff charm: Y to the E to the mothercussing S
swoonworthy scale: 4
talky talk: 2 legit 2 quit
bonus factors: band names, slang, Little Big Tom, mystery
relationship status: I’ll be the Keith to yr Mick

cover story: BOSS

And this is HOW IT’S DONE, Y’ALL– great (and clever) art, direct connections to the story and no YA cliches so you can walk around with this thing like a MOTHEREFFING ADULT! Seriously, this is one of my favorite book covers of all time.

the deal:

Ok, I have to warn you right now that this is going to be one of those book reports where I include so many quotes, you’re gonna be like, “Posh, seriously, I think you’re two pages short of pasting the entire book in here.” But, ok, you know how, after you see a really hilarious movie or SNL skit, you immediately want to tell yr friend all about it so that she’ll see it, and at first you’re all, “Ok, I don’t want to spoil it for you, because you really just need to see it for yourself” but then you’re just so excited that you have to say, “Well, ok, let me just tell you about this one line” and then you basically end up reenacting the entire scene because yr friend really needs to understand just how funny it was? Well, that’s how I feel about writing a review of King Dork. I REALLY WANT YOU GUYS TO READ IT IMMEDIATELY. And I don’t want to spoil it for you! But I also can’t seem to shut up about all of my favorite parts, and when I point out them out, I REALLY NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW GREAT THEY ARE.

(However, I DO promise not to spoil the story arc for you, because that goes against our policy.)

So! As you can gather from the title, Tom Henderson is not a popular dude. He’s antisocial and awkward and geeky and spends most of his time lusting after unattainable girls and making up fake band names with his only friend, Sam Hellerman. Basically, he’s just trying to survive high school. But when Tom finds his dead dad’s old copy of Catcher In The Rye (a book he hates), he becomes intrigued by the cryptically underlined words and random notes in the margin. Tom begins to read through all of his dad’s books in an attempt to learn more about him, but all he seems to discover are more mysteries about his life and his death. Meanwhile, he’s still dealing with confusing girls, clueless parents and the fact that his band will never be real unless he can learn how to write songs (and play the guitar.)

bff charm: Y to the E to the mothercussing S

Tom Henderson, I don’t care what the haters say. YOU ARE THE COOLEST DUDE IN THE WORLD. You’re hilarious and clever and smart and self-deprecating and cynical and just when that list of adjectives makes you sound too good to be true, you go and talk about your blow job fantasy and remind me that you are totally a real guy. I definitely knew boys like you in high school, but I have the feeling that none of them were as secretly awesome as you are. You’re really into ’70s rock, but you’re not pretentious. You’re anti-authority, but you’re not a poser. And you roll yr eyes at yr mom but deep down love her anyway. You’re a charming, self-conscious jumble of hormones and contradictions, and I would be HONORED to join yr fake band.

swoonworthy scale: 4

I’ll admit, reading about girls from a teenage boy’s perspective doesn’t really bring on the tingles. In fact, it’s kind of gross at times. But while Sam’s lust isn’t necessarily swoonworthy, it’s definitely authentic, and I don’t think I’ve ever rooted harder for a dude to get laid.

talky talk: 2 legit 2 quit

Frank Portman’s voice for Tom is hands down the most realistic YA male perspective I have ever encountered. From the v. first page, I slipped effortlessly into his head, and when I hit the last page, I didn’t want to leave. From his dead-on commentary on his teachers to his rants about high school hell, Tom’s voice is insanely entertaining and compelling. Outside of his head, the dialogue is just as authentic and engaging. Here’s an example:

The following morning, Sam Hellerman dropped something on my desk in homeroom. It was the “Thinking of Suicide?” pamphlet from the Student Resource Area. (They have a whole wall of poorly written, amusingly illustrated pamphlets to help students sort through their problems. The titles are always in the form of a question, like “Pregnant?” or “Drugs and/or Alcohol Addiction or STD?” “Thinking of Suicide?” is our favorite, though.)

“Oh Ralphie,” I said, because sometimes we call each other Ralphie. “Is it that obvious?”

This was a running joke between Sam Hellerman and me. He would pick me up one of the suicide pamphlets and bring it over and I’d say, “how did you know?” And he’d say something like “killing yourself is a cry for help, you know.” And I’d say, “but isn’t death just a part of life?” “Yeah,” he’d say, “it’s usually the last part.” It passes the time.

Like I said. LEGIT.

bonus factor: band names

Since Tom and Sam are obsessed with renaming their fake band, the book is peppered with concepts from the punk genius mind of Frank Portman. And they are endlessly entertaining.

New band name: Tennis with Guitars
Logo: name printed phonetically as from a dictionary
Love Love: lead axe
The Prophet Samuel: bass and rat-catching
Li’l Miss Debbie: vocals, keys, bumping, grinding
First Album: Amphetamine Low. Cover is white with the album title in tiny black type on the back. The band name does not appear anywhere on the outside packaging.

bonus factor: slang

Part of the reason that Tom’s voice is so real is Portman’s expert creation and use of slang. Now, I’m not talking cheesy shizz like Britney Spears references and characters being all, “Fo-rizzle, my nizzle!” I mean stuff like this:

WAGBOG: What A Great Bunch Of Guys (to be used sarcastically)

Make-out/Fake-out: When a girl pretends to flirt with you to see what you would do while everyone is secretly (or not so secretly) laughing at you.

Tom also has a tendency to save himself time by abbreviating words he’s just written. Here’s an example in which he talks about his issue with the drama club kids:

The real reason I don’t like them, though, is that I know they will never let me into their club. I wouldn’t particularly like to be a fourteen-year-old hippie revivalist with embroidered jeans listening to the Dead and playing Man in Auditorium in Our Town by Thornton Wilder. But the fact that they wouldn’t accept me even if I did want to be a f.-y.-0. h.r. with e.j. listening to the D. and playing M.i.A. in O.T. by T.W. rubs me the wrong way.

bonus factor: Little Big Tom

Tom’s stepdad Tom (known in Tom’s head as Little Big Tim for reasons I will leave to the book to explain) is a sweet, clueless hippie that reminded a me a LOT of Mr. Rosso from Freaks & Geeks. I won’t give him our Cosby award, because he’s not actually a great dad. He’s just really, really entertaining. Here’s what Tom has to say about him:

He means well. He likes to walk around making little helpful comments.

“Now, don’t fill up on milk,” he’ll say if he thinks someone is drinking too much milk. Or he’ll say, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the homework hour!” if he thinks there’s not enough homework going on at any given time. “Let’s put some light on the subject,” he’ll always say whenever he turns on a light.

He likes to say “rock and roll” all the time, but what he usually means is “way to go!” or “let’s get this show on the road!” or “this is fantastic vegetarian sausage!” Like, he figures out how to set the clock on the VCR and he’ll say “rock and roll!” Or he’ll say “rock and roll!” when everyone finally gets in the car after he’s been waiting for a while.

ROCK AND ROLL, LITTLE BIG TOM!

bonus factor: mystery

Hey! It’s one of our milk carton qualities! This isn’t yr typical mystery book, and I loved following along as Tom decoded his father’s old books and tried to piece together the details of his life and death.

casting:

Evan Peters as Tom

He’s too old at this point, and not skinny enough, but Evan Peters definitely has Tom’s awkward/smartass charm thing down.

relationship status: I’ll be the Keith to yr Mick

Book, when we first met back in 2006, I knew we were destined for greatness together. You’re brilliant and captivating and just really freaking cool, and with my tireless support and talent for drinking, I knew we could make our rock ‘n’ roll dreams a reality. The years have passed, but you haven’t lost any of your magic, and I have no doubt that I will party with you until we both drop dead of old age/pickled livers. I admire you, I cherish you, I love you. ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Made Of Win

Megan no h — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 22:17:55 +0000

BOOK REPORT for The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente

cover story: cover win
bff charm: yes!
swoonworthy scale: N/A
talky talk: imaginative
bonus factor: Alice in Wonderland
relationship status: Should have been my childhood BFF

cover story: cover win

Of course I love this cover! I keep whining about how middle-grade gets the best covers and it KEEPS BEING TRUE. I love the faux leather-bound book look to the cover. And I obviously love the cover illustration. Inside the book, there is a beautiful black and white illustration at the beginning of each chapter. Why oh why don’t adult or YA books get illustrations?

the deal:

12 year old September is a normal enough young girl from Nebraska, when one day the Green Wind arrives at her kitchen window and spirits her away to Fairyland on the back on a flying leopard. If that seems extraordinary, it is nothing compared to the people September meets and places she sees throughout her journey in Fairyland. She makes friends like Ell, the half wyvern-half library beast whose wings are locked down and who knows everything about anything whose name starts with A through L. And friends like Saturday, a young boy who is more or less a water genie. But unfortunately, there is The Marquess. A seemingly young girl who has conquered Fairyland from a once-loved Queen, The Marquess rules Fairyland with an iron (literally) fist and forces September out on a dangerous journey.

The book trailer doesn’t tell you much more than I’ve already said, but it’s just so lovely I had to share!

bff charm: yes!

Despite the narrator’s early insistence that she was a bit heartless and slightly ill-tempered, I found September to be completely delightful. She is brave, adventurous, loyal and smart. Not only is she someone you would want by your side if you unexpectedly found yourself in Fairyland, September is someone I could have seen a younger version of myself spending time with in the regular world. She even bemoans the fact that she doesn’t have friends to play games and talk about books with and HELLO those are some of my favorite things to do. I also need to give a shout out to Ell, who despite looking like one, is NOT a dragon, but it made of pure awesome.

swoonworthy scale: N/A

Who needs romance when you’re twelve? Especially when you can have exciting adventures and make wonderful friends and eat delicious fairy foods.

talky talk: imaginative

The writing in this book is descriptive and imaginative while at times being humorous or surprisingly thoughtful. Just because you’re in a fantastical or absurd setting doesn’t mean you can’t use those situations to illustrate something true about our own world. So many different passages jumped out at me, that it was truly difficult to pick a favorite. That said, I really enjoyed September’s thoughts on hats:

“Any child knows what a witch looks like. There warts are important, yes, the hooked nose, the cruel smile. But it’s the hat that cinches it: points and black with a wide rim. Plenty of people have warts and hooked noses and cruel smiles but are not witches at all. Hats change everything. September knew this with all her being, deep in the place where she knew her own name, that her mother would still love her even though she hadn’t waved good-bye. For one day, her father had put on a hat with golden things on it and suddenly he hadn’t been her father anymore, he had been a soldier, and he had left. Hates have power. Hats can change you into someone else.”

bonus factor: Alice in Wonderland

It obviously goes without saying that this story shares similarities to Alice and Wonderland. But Alice can be too nonsensical and a bit boring and lacks, for use of a better word, “heart”. But Fairyland is full of heart, which is what makes it a real story and overall, a better book. Upgrade!

casting call:

Maisie is my favorite pre-teen actor these days and I want to cast her in everything. But she definitely has the perfect amount of spunk to pull off September.

Maisie Williams as September

It would take a very talented young lady to pull off The Marquess’s wickedness without going overboard.

Chloe Moretz as The Marquess

relationship status: Should have been my childhood BFF

Why did this book only come out this year? Why wasn’t it around when I was growing up? We could have been the best of friends and had sleepovers every weekend and braided each other’s hair and gone to Claire’s to get BFF necklaces and passed notes in class all day long. While I would have adored this book growing up, being older didn’t stop me from loving it now. This book made me feel like I was taking a trip back in time, to a time when I was maybe a bit more heartless and ill-behaved myself.

Slime and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Megan no h — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 22:45:07 +0000

BOOK REPORT for Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor

cover story: okay
bff charm: heck yes
swoonworthy scale: 7
talky talky: just lovely
bonus factors: Prague, mysterious loner angel, world building
relationship status: soulmate potential

cover story: okay

I’m fairly neutral on this cover. While a mask does make an appearance in the story, it certainly wasn’t the 3 dollar Mardi Gras kind. But that said, I do prefer this version to the original concept cover art. But if I could take my pick, I’d choose the UK version, which I think is lovely.

the deal:

bff charm: heck yes

Who wouldn’t want to be friends with Karou? She’s fun and vibrant and interesting. Sure, at times she can be a little too mysterious and she isn’t exactly dependable due to her running off on secrets errands at a moments notice. But there have bound to be some small sacrifices when it comes to being friends with someone who can grant wishes. Karou really only has the one human friend she can trust (her bff Zuzana), but their relationship proves that Karou is loyal, encouraging and thoughtful.

swoonworthy scale: 7

It’s difficult to talk much about Karou and Akiva without giving away too much of the plot. But there is a, shall we say forbidden, element to the book’s romance which really ratchets up both the stakes and the swoon. But trust me when I say this is not some sort of angel falls for a human horror show, as my bare-bones plot description may imply.

talky talky: just lovely

For those of you have already read Laini Taylor’s fabulous Lips Touch: Three Times, it should come as know surprise that the loveliness of her prose in this book often jumps out at you. For example, take when Karou gets minor revenge against a boy who had recently broken her heart:

This, she thought, isn’t just for today. It’s for everything. For the heartache that still felt like a punch in the gut each time it struck, fresh as new, at unpredictable moments; for the smiling lies and the mental images she couldn’t shake; for the shame of having been so naive.

For the way loneliness is worse when you return to if after a reprieve – like the soul’s version of putting on a wet bathing suit, clammy and miserable.

bonus factor: Prague

The beauty! The history! The red roofs! Someone take me, please!

bonus factor: mysterious loner angel

YA essential, mysterious loner dude…now in angel flavor!

bonus factor: world building

The world of the seraphs and chimaera is beautifully realized. The history, the war, the magic! Since Karou spends so much of the book wondering about the mystery of her chimaera and where she came from, I certainly don’t want to reveal too much. But I will say that everything we learn is worth the wait.

casting call:

Dye Lily’s hair blue and then she’d make a wonderful Karou.

Lily Collins as Karou

Ian is so pretty. Pretty sure he could pull off the tortured angel look.

Ian Somerhalder as Akiva

relationship status: soulmate potential

I always knew I was going to like this book, I just wasn’t sure how much. I was sitting on the fence between really like and love, until the last 150 pages pushed me so hard over on to the love side, I have bruises. Not everyone will adore this book as much as I did, but I trust you know if you’re the type. Do you like weird (but not too weird) fantastical stories that occasionally punch you in the gut? I was completely addicted to this story, this world, by the end of the book. And now that I know there will be sequels? This book is looking like it has some serious soulmate potential for me.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received an ARC copy from Little, Brown. I received neither money nor cocktails for this review (dammit!). Daughter of Smoke and Bone is available now.

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There’s a New Moon on the Rise

Megan no h — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 21:38:30 +0000

BOOK REPORT for Emily of New Moon by Lucy Maud Montgomery

cover story: awkward phase
bff charm: YES, FOREVER
swoonworthy scale: 3 and -1,000
talky talky: flowery goodness
bonus factors: PEI, cats, writing
relationship status: the kindred spirit I took WAY too long to meet

cover story: awkward phase

Okay, so this cover is sort of dorky, but also kind of sweet. And I really like that all the most recent LM Montgomery paperback covers have same font and general look to them. What can I say, I like consistency! Also, this cover highlights two of Emily’s (and my!) favorite things – reading and cats.

the deal:

Emily Starr is living a quiet, secluded life with her doting father. Not even attending school, Emily doesn’t have any friends her own age. So when her father dies of consumption, she becomes an orphan and has no other option than living with her dead mother’s estranged family – the Murrays of Blair Water, PEI. The Murrays are well known for their pride and never forgave Emily’s mother for running off with Emily’s father. Emily ends up residing with her two spinster aunts (strict Aunt Elizabeth and kind Aunt Laura) and Cousin Jimmy, at New Moon farm. Emily is unsure of this new life, but begins attending school for the first time, soon starts to make great friends, begins to pursue her dream of becoming a famous poetess and learns what it means to grow up.

bff charm: YES, FOREVER

A thousand times yes! Emily is a classic LMM heroine – smart, opinionated, fiery and yet a total dreamer. She is a fiercely loyal friend. She is always willing to come to the defense of people she cares about, especially her wild friend Ilse and Cousin Jimmy. Now this might be pure blasphemy, but I think I (gasp) love Emily even more than Anne Shirley. I know, I know, sacrilege, but it needed to be said so you can all understand how serious I am about loving Emily.

I also want to hand out BFF charms to plenty of other residents of Blair Water – Ilse Burnley, Teddy Kent, PERRY FREAKING MILLER, Cousin Jimmy, even Mr. Carpenter!

swoonworthy scale: 3 and -1,000

Emily is much too young for there to be any swoon going on, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do some pre-swooning for her! Since I am new to this series, I cannot wait to find out how Emily’s two best guys friends (Teddy and Perry!) grow up. Because even though they’re young, I adore them both so much! Will Emily end up with one of them, neither of them? I seriously cannot wait to find out.

The negative score is dedicated to Emily’s cousin (in law) “Jarback” Priest. He is immediately smitten with Emily even though she is 12 and he is 36. And everything he says to her is creepy and full of innuendos. In fact, I almost didn’t finish this book because I had to put it down during his scene because I was so disgusted by everything he said to her. But (obviously) every time I picked it back up, he was still at it! I understand this is a product of its time, but whatever, I don’t care, gross, bah!

talky talky: flowery goodness

LM Montgomery is certainly well known for her flowery prose and detailed descriptions. Depending on my mood, sometimes they can be a bit much. Other times, they are so beautiful that I am overwhelmed with the desire to leave my miserable work desk or cramped one bedroom apartment immediately and run away to PEI, live in the woods forever and never come back. This description of some woods near New Moon farm is classic LMM:

She felt that, before she went back, she must slip along the pasture fence and explore a certain path which she saw entering the grove of spruce and maple further down. She did–and found that it led straight into Fairyland–along the bank of a wide, lovely brook–a wild, dear, little path with lady-ferns beckoning and blowing along it, the shyest of elfin June-bells under the firs, and little whims of loveliness at every curve. She breathed in the tang of fir-balsam and saw the shimmer of gossamers high up in the boughs, and everywhere the frolic of elfin lights and shadows. Here and there the young maple branches interlaced as if to make a screen for dryad faces–Emily knew all about dryads, thanks to her father–and the great sheets of moss under the trees were meet for Titania’s couch.

“This is one of the places where dreams grow,” said Emily happily.

Also, LMM just gets growing up. The joys, the sorrows, the bittersweetness of it all. Sometimes she’ll write something that will hit you right in your gut:

This sort of thing was happening frequently now. Every time she read her little hoard of manuscripts over she found some of which the fairy gold had unaccountably turned to withered leaves, fit only for the burning. Emily burned them–but it hurt her a little. Outgrowing things we love is never a pleasant process.

bonus factor: PEI

LMM has made me want to go to Prince Edward Island with ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL.

bonus factor: cats

Emily loves cats like I love cats. She wants to cuddle them and kiss them and talk about them in a way that other people probably find slightly creepy. She honestly cannot understand why everyone wouldn’t want a cat.

bonus factor: writing

Emily loves to write both stories and poetry. But it’s different than for those of us (like myself) who occasionally consider writing a chore. She needs to write, whether it is in letters to her deceased father or descriptions of things and people in her Jimmy book. When Aunt Elizabeth tells Emily to stop writing, Emily refuses to do so and refuses to lie about it, because writing is just too important to who she is. She cannot live without writing and I think Emily’s feelings will really resonate with anyone who grew up having a gift or artistic pursuit that meant everything to them.

casting call:

Emily’s description (the black hair, violet eyes) make me immediately think of Elizabeth Taylor. While Taylor is maybe a bit too beautiful to be Emily, I couldn’t help wishing someone had made a film version of Emily way back when, with a young Taylor playing her.

Young Elizabeth Taylor as Emily

But since it didn’t happen and I don’t presently own a time machine (besides, that would be waaaay far down on my list of things to accomplish with my time machine), I need to cast some current actors. Maisie is just so cute and likeable. I think she could make a great Emily.

Maisie Williams as Emily

Ilse is supposed to be beautiful and wild and I couldn’t help but think of Chloe.

Chloe Moretz as Ilse

relationship status: the kindred spirit I took WAY too long to meet

I ADORED this book. I love Emily and all I can think of is WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG TO READ THIS? I think Emily would have been a wonderful friend to have had growing up, but better late than never, and I am happy this book is part of my life now. And I cannot wait to join Emily for two more books and join her and her friends on even more adventures.

A girl can do what she wants to do

Poshdeluxe — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 23:24:22 +0000

BOOK REPORT for Story of a Girl by Sara Zarr

cover story: not too shabby
bff charm: yay
swoonworthy scale: 0
talky talk: straight up mother-effing sara zarr!
bonus factors: crappy high school job, corvette kim
relationship status: maid of honor

cover story: not too shabby

I tend to pull a Fred Savage when I see faces on covers, but the fact that this model is in a car is a compelling connection to the story. Plus she’s realistic looking instead of all glam or supernatural, which is refreshing!

the deal:

Deanna Lambert is the opposite of Joan Jett. And by that I mean, she totally gives a damn about her bad reputation. See, when she was 13, she was caught by her father while doing a dirty deed with Tommy Webber, the 17-year-old drug buddy of her brother, Darren. Ever since that moment, she’s been branded as the school slut, and let’s just say it’s not the fun and games Emma Stone would have you believe. Besides Darren and his girlfriend, Stacy, who are busy dealing with being new parents, Deanna’s only got two friends: Jason, her longtime bestie and secret crush, and Lee, Jason’s super awesome girlfriend. Everyone else in town can’t seem to forget about her scarlet letter, including her own father, who hasn’t forgiven her, even after three years. Desperate to turn over a new leaf, Deanna gets a summer job at a local pizza place and discovers that the only way to escape the demons from her past is to face them head on.

bff charm: yay

I’m not sure if Deanna would actually let me in, but if she did, I would smother her in ALL KINDS O’ LOVE. A weaker person would’ve become incredibly bitter and angry, but Deanna has survived her personal hell with her heart intact. Not only is it intact, it’s stronger than ever, and she’s got an incredible amount of love for Darren and his new family. She doesn’t always make the right decision, but she’s guided by the hope of redemption, not realizing that she’s already achieved it. In short, Deanna is amazing, and throughout the story, I had so many urges to give her hugs and “You’re a Badass” mix CDs.

swoonworthy scale: 0

As you would expect with a book involving a 13-year-old girl pressured into having sex, there’s not a lot of romance in this story. I mean, that’s kind of the point. Deanna’s recollection of her nights with Tommy are devastating in their lack of emotion, and her awareness of what sex *should* feel like, as opposed to her reality, is terribly sad. There are a few tender moments with Jason that soften the negativity of Deanna’s past, but nothing that results in positive swoon.

talky talk: straight up mother-effing sara zarr!

THE ZARR IS IN THE HIZZOUSE! And y’all better show some RESPECT. Seriously, I consider Sara Zarr to be the most talented writer currently working in the YA genre, and apparently someone else agrees, since this, her FIRST EVER published book, became a National Book Award Finalist. NO BIG DEAL. Her writing is deceptively simple and artfully deliberate, with piercing emotion swirling just below the surface of each word. Here’s a little taste of her genius:

I lay there in my mom’s lap for I don’t know how long, and before I drifted to sleep I thought of something Lee said once when she was talking about church, that sometimes there was no reason to believe in God and you’d look at your life and know it was crazy to feel peaceful but you did anyway, and that was faith. I know that having faith in your family isn’t the same as God or religion or whatever, but I could kind of get what Lee meant about believing in something when it made more sense not to.

Deanna’s voice is incredibly authentic and compelling, and while this is a quick read, the story will stay with you for days to come.

bonus factor: crappy high school job

Sure, it sucks to have to work in high school, esp. since you don’t have any experience so the only places that will take you are fast food joints and your best friend’s dad’s boringass office. But whether it’s the misery-loves-company camaraderie among the employees or the beauty of teenage apathy, there’s also a certain charm to this experience. (Although maybe you don’t feel it until years later, when you have to actually care about your job in order to, like, make your car payment.) Deanna lands a gig at Picasso’s Pizza, a total dive run by Michael, a closeted gay man who is basically the most upstanding adult character in the entire novel. Picasso’s is a shithole, but it’s a whimsical shithole, and I can’t be held responsible for the three pizzas I consumed while reading this book.

bonus factor: corvette kim

It’s not the character of Corvette Kim that’s a bonus factor, it’s her name. High school nicknames can suck, but I do miss the days when nomenclature was solely based on completely meaningless things. I mean, would you want to mess with someone named Corvette Kim? I DON’T THINK SO. In other news, I will henceforth be referred to as Porsche Posh.

casting call:

Deanna is one complex cookie, so I’m bringing in the big guns to play her.

Dakota Fanning as Deanna

relationship status: maid of honor

I met this book back in 2008, after I’d read Sara Zarr’s Sweethearts, so I was already betrothed to be married. But it didn’t take long for me to see that this book is an inspiration, a beacon of hope and grace for girls struggling with their past, with their self-esteem, with the unfairness of life in general. I’m so grateful that this book exists, in the YA world and in my own, so of course I asked it to serve as my maid of honor on the big day when I marry ~~Cameron Quick~~ Sweethearts. It really is something special, and even if it doesn’t catch the bouquet at the wedding, I have the feeling that plenty of people out there are dying to marry it.

Okay for always

Meghan — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 21:08:39 +0000

BOOK REPORT for okay for now by Gary D. Schmidt

cover story: between friends
bff charm: most definitely
swoonworthy scale: 6
talky talk: the wonder years
bonus factors: John James Audubon, awesome grownups, librarians, Jane Eyre
relationship status: YAngelist scripture

cover story: between friends

No need to brown bag it — this book comes with its own! It’s not a bad cover, but it’s obviously a book about a 13-year-old boy who likes baseball, so if you have street cred issues, you might wanna keep this between friends.

the deal:

14-year-old Doug Swieteck has to move to a small town in the Catskills because his drunk wife-and-son-beater dad mouthed off to his boss at the paper mill and got fired, and the only job he could get was in a paper mill where his no-good drunk best friend Ernie Eco works. Anyway, life kind of sucks for Doug. His oldest brother’s off in Vietnam, his other brother is a hoodlum who stole his autographed Joe Pepitone baseball cap — given to him by Joe himself (PS DO NOT Google image search this guy at work. Or just … ever. Especially don’t click this link. If you do, don’t blame me. I warned you.), and now he’s stuck in a crappy little town where there’s nothing to do but go to the library. AND there’s an obnoxious know-it-all girl who sucks because she’s pretty and funny, so she’s impossible to ignore, and of course the whole town judges Doug by his father and older brother’s antics (did you read The Wednesday Wars? The brother is the infamous “Doug Swieteck’s brother”, with a legend akin to that junkyard monster dog in The Sandlot).

But when Doug discovers John James Audubon’s birds in the library, his life starts to change, beginning with Mr. Powell, the librarian who helps him learn to draw, and ending with just about everyone in the town — including Doug himself.

bff charm: most definitely

*Cue Handel’s Messiah*

I don’t know if I can adequately express how much I love Doug, Lil, Mr. Powell, Mrs. Windermere, Miss Cowper … oh, I could go on and on. Anyway, Doug cracks me up and makes me cry and I want to adopt him and give him hugs and very cold Cokes and tell him he may be skinny but he’s not a “skinny thug”. He’s such a typical 14-year-old, with a head full of baseball stats and an aversion to looking like he cares about school (though he secretly does, of course). He struggles because he wants to be given a chance to prove his own worth, but he has almost as low an opinion of himself as Marysville does.

swoonworthy scale: 6

The only reason the swoon here is only a 6 is because Doug and Lil are in 8th grade in 1968, so there’s not much by way of sexytimes or even kissytimes (and I don’t want to read about 13-year-old sexytimes anyway). But as their antagonism evolves into affection and real love, I just swooned my little heart out all over the place.

talky talk: The Wonder Years

Doug’s the narrator of the book, and the story he tells sounds just like a “Wonder Years” voiceover, if Kevin Arnold’s dad beat the shit out of him and his mom regularly and every male figure in his life was either a drunk, a criminal or both. Even though Doug’s life sucks, the book has the same nostalgic quality so common in coming-of-age TV and movies that I couldn’t help but hear both 14-year-old Doug and a grown-up Doug voiceover in my head.

I love Doug’s way with words. His constant “I’m not lying” is not a lie, but you also know he’s covering up a world of hurt, like the bruises his brother makes sure to give him in places that won’t show. He has such a wisecracking way about him, though, a way of melding his tough-guy protective persona and his perceptive, intelligent real self that’s endearing.

You know, there are good reasons to learn how to read. Poetry isn’t one of them. I mean, so what if two roads go two ways in a wood? So what? Who cares if it made all that big a difference? What difference? And why should I have to guess what the difference is? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to say?

Mrs. Daugherty was keeping my bowl of cream of wheat hot, and she had a special treat with it, she said. It was bananas.

In the whole story of the world, bananas have never once been a special treat.

And my favorite:

In English, we were still on the Introduction to Poetry Unit, and I’m not lying, if I ever meet Percy Bysshe Shelley walking down the streets of Marysville, I’m going to punch him right in the face.

Me too, Doug, me too.

bonus factor: John James Audubon

A huge part of the book is Doug’s relationship with Audubon’s paintings of birds. Each chapter is framed around one of Audubon’s birds, one Doug’s learning to draw or one he discovers hanging in someone’s home or office around town. It could be a clunky rhetorical device, but Schmidt’s storytelling is so vibrant, he more than pulls it off. The only sad thing is the reproductions in the book are in black and white, and it’s totally worth sitting down and googling the birds in the book.

bonus factor: awesome grownups

I like to think of myself as an awesome grown up, so of course I love encountering grownups who nurture and teach, as well as grownups who may be flawed but who 1. are not afraid to admit their mistakes in front of children and b. show they can grow and become better people. So much YA has parents and grownups who are central casting versions of stodgy, out-of-touch adults who don’t know how to text or tie their shoes, or the opposite — the too hip to be squares who try too hard. Okay for Now is full of grownups who are real people, with real flaws and real dreams, who don’t pander to kids but don’t ignore them, either, and I love it.

bonus factor: librarians

How could I not love the librarians in this story? Mr. Powell is kind and nurturing, so he’s a major duh — he’s the type of old man you’d want to shrink down to action figure size and carry around in your pocket. I even love grouchy old Mrs. Merriam, maybe because I know how much I hate it when there’s a pile of books that need to be cataloged and no one’s working on them. I also know there’s a heart that may be dusty and cold and three sizes too small under the high-necked lace blouse and glasses on a chain around her neck, but I bet it has the capacity to grow three sizes too big.

bonus factor: Jane Eyre

As Doug overcomes a couple obstacles keeping him down, he gets really into Jane Eyre, and it’s hilarious to watch him incorporate bits of the novel into his own story. Cheeky monkey. It’s also central to a slightly unbelievable but crucial turn at the end of the book. Really, though, I just gotta say I love some Jane.

casting call:

Can I cast bits and pieces of The Sandlot, My Girl and The Goonies here? Who cares if they’re too old, right? No? Ok, fine.

Elle Fanning as Lil Spicer

Miles Heizer as Doug

I have no idea if this kid is good or not, but he has the right looks. Plus, he’s only 16 or 17, and not part of the Disney factory (as far as I know).

relationship status: YAngelist scripture

This book is perfect for YAngelism. Not only is it completely awesome, there’s something about it that will appeal to just about anyone. Guy? Check. Baseball fan? Check. Hate reading? Got your book here. Like birds? Oookay. Like to draw? Here you go. Had a tough childhood? So does Doug. Had a great childhood? You’ll still like it. TRUST ME.

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