I think I have sympathy PTSD now.  Anyone else?  Is TEABS a treatable condition according to the American Medical Association?

Full spoilers for Mockingjay after the cut.  No apologies to Henri included.

OH MAN.  Okay, I’m still trying to process – I finished up the last few chapters at around 3 this morning when I woke up and realized I just couldn’t wait anymore.  So maybe it was the atmosphere – sneaking the book in the early morning hours, slumped down on the floor of my bathroom so as not to wake up my boyfriend with the light and also the choking sobs.

Let’s start with the death count:

Boggs:  NOOOOOOOOO!  BOGGS ILU!!

Finnick: I am actively pretending this did not happen.  In my version, Finnick made it out alive, he and Annie are very happy together, and occassionally he still disrobes in public.  NOTHING WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

Prim:  WHAT?  WHY?  WHAT?  NO!  It feels like such a cheap death – a way of making us hate Gale (although he had no idea that his idea would be used that way; it’s not his fault), a way of realizing that District 13 sucks, which I think we’d ALREADY FIGURED OUT.  Oh, Prim.

President Coin: HA!  Yes!  FUCKING SERVES YOU RIGHT!

President Snow: Most anti-climactic death of all times.  Which I actually liked, because anything was going to be anticlimactic for that bastard.  I love that he ended up just choking on his own blood.

Now, can we talk for a second about the next Hunger Games?  WHAT?  WHAT?  I’m sorry, I don’t think Kanye Caps are accurately expressing my horror.  WHAT. WERE. THEY. THINKING.

As for the ending, well.  I mean, we all know my stance on Peeta, and he may be the only character who I wasn’t disappointed* in by the end.  But I kind of love that . . . well, no one got a happy ending.  They got an ending.  An ending carved out of what remained; an ending of shattered pieces and broken morals to be patched up, somewhat, but never quite the same, never quite as whole.  I don’t think it could have ended anyway but that it did, and that makes me happy.

* except about the kid thing.  Stop asking Katniss to have babies with you, Peeta!

There’s so much more I want to WTF about: Effie being alive (Cinna being dead – SHUT UP, BRIAN); Gale working in District 2, Katniss’s mom ditching her now that Prim’s dead, Katniss and Haymitch voting yes for the Hunger Games, whether the Hunger Games happened once Katniss killed Coin, the fact that Madge wasn’t secretly alive in the woods somewhere, and Buttercup coming all the way back to District 12.  Man, forget A Bird Called Olive.  I want the next release of these books feature Buttercup on the cover.

The epilogue:

PLEASE JUST STOP WITH EPILOGUES.  Has an epilogue ever, ever been a good idea?  AND WHY DO THEY ALWAYS INCLUDE BABIES?  There is no reason to make babies part of a happily-ever-after ending.  EVER.  I mean, I like babies.  Babies are cool.  But when a character has undergone years of murder, mayhem, rebellion, assasination attempts and head injuries, WHY DOES THAT CHARACTER NEED TO HAVE BABIES?  I didn’t want Harry Potter to have babies; I didn’t want Katniss to have them.  Not everyone needs to have a kid to be happy, YA writers!  I promise you this!

Also, how sucky for Annie.  How sucky for Annie and Finnick’s kid.  Dad’s dead and Mommy’s a basket case, kiddo.  Hopefully Aunt Johanna can show up and show you how to be awesome and crazy in a mostly functional way.

I still need time to process this crazy ride I’ve just been on.  I can tell you that, epilogue aside, I really loved it.  Maybe I should just remove epilogues from all of my YA book series!  It might help!

Regardless of your feelings about Katniss, Peeta, Gale, the rebels, the Capit0l, I have one question for you all:

This book fucking wrecked you.  Real or not real?

!!!!  I cannot believe that, in my drunken state, I thought “15 sounds like a well-rounded place to stop for the day.   Let’s stop there!”  WHAT WAS I THINKING.

You guys all know the drill: we’re discussing the first fifteen chapters of Mockingjay right now.  ONLY the first 15 chapters!  If you’ve finished the book, either keep it in your pants or go find Chapter 15 and hijack all memory of what happens after it.  STOP HINTING IN THE COMMENTS.

Seriously.  Stop it.  I have already been spoiled twice by comments to our previous posts.  WE WILL DELETE ANY SPOILERY COMMENTS.  If you can’t keep it in your pants, don’t comment at all.

I echo Henri:

HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT.

Okay, let’s pause before we talk about The Nut, Gale and revenge, Peeta and hijacking, Finnick and his awesomeness, and let’s focus for a bit on the things that make me undeniably happy, without any reservations:

Prim (and Buttercup)

How fucking awesome is it that Prim has come into her own?  We got hints of it, of course, in Catching Fire, but now that she’s been given more of a voice, I just love her.  Prim!  I always wanted you to be awesome!  And now you are!  But next time, PLEASE rescue the cat BEFORE the doors lock on the shutdown, mkay?

And, as a person who abides by the will of my own very fat cat, I love that Buttercup has united the people of District 13.  Win or lose this war, I have a feeling that a lot of people are about to become cat people in that District.

Boggs

Suzanne Collins always manages to introduce at least one character in her books that makes me wish I could go back in time and have that character around in the book before the one I’m reading (if that makes sense).  And this time, it’s Boggs.  OH BOGGS, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.  I just love his little sighs anytime Katniss does something that he knows will probably get him killed.

Finnick

Finnick, Finnick, Finnick.  I love you so much.  I want you to endlessly parade around in your underwear, tying and untying your knots.

How heartbreaking – and for me, completely shocking – was the reveal that Finnick, and many other Victors, were sold as sex slaves by President Snow?  I mean, I don’t know why I was so shocked – it’s not like President Snow is known for his philanthropic work, but WHAT.  That made me so angry and sad on Finnick’s behalf that I started doing some sort of scream-crying and I had to put the book down for a few minutes.  Apparently, my tolerance is high when it comes to dropping tracker jackers on people, or whipping people in the public square for hunting turkeys, or mine explosions, but my limits are reached when it comes to child prostitution.  Well, it’s always good to know one’s boundaries.

Okay, moving on.  Let’s talk about Gale for a minute.  I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but .  . . Suzanne Collins, I do not agree with your choices in life.

The one thing I hate in romantic triangles – actually, I hate romantic triangles, full stop; stop bogarting all the available men/women, protagonist!  – is when the writer deus ex assholica one of the romantic interests, i.e. when a character who previously was portrayed as good turns out to  be a pedophile or something, nottonameanynamesJacob.  And I feel like that’s going on, somewhat, with Gale, and that is WEAK SAUCE.  I want Peeta to win Katniss’s heart because Peeta is the best!  Not because Gale is the worst! 

But, beyond the romantic implications, I have to say that I kind of like what’s happening to Gale.  In a way.  I would not want to be friends with the guy right now, but I do think it’s interesting, on a character level, the change he’s undergoing.  We always knew that Gale had a hard streak, just as Katniss has.  But whereas Katniss tends to resort to manipulation or grief when her hard streak is tested – taking care of Peeta in the Games, covering Rue with flowers, etc – Gale has gone the other way and turned cold.  His takedown of The Nut was, frankly, brilliant military strategy.   And it was probably the right thing to do in order to secure District Two.  But, man, it is not likely to get him invited over for dinner anytime soon.

I feel in some ways that Gale’s now replaced his need/desire for Katniss with a need/desire for vengeance and bloodshed.  If only Madge were around to knock some sense into him!!

And, last, but certainly not least: Team Peeta

I’ll disagree with Henri (shocker); I think the hijacking was a brilliant move on Collins’ part.  She had a few different options, I suppose: having Peeta tortured and come back broken and in need of Katniss to nurse him gently back to health, etc.  But I’ve seen The English Patient; it blew, and I’m not interested in revisiting it in book form.   And, of course, having Peeta hate Katniss is actually pretty freaking great.  Because I love Katniss and all, but she’s: selfish, short-sighted, hotheaded and manipulative (and this is what makes her amazing).  The fact that Peeta is going to have to work from scratch – if he chooses to do so – in order to not want to actively kill her is kind of awesome.

I also disagree that it’s a “Romantic Stalker” trope, because lord knows, I hate that shit.  (Eat it, Lloyd Dobbler.)  But I do think it’s very much a “Reform the Bad Boy” trope, which is almost as annoying.  Unfortunately, unlike the idea that women should fall for abusive stalkers, I have to admit that at least I have been suckered into the “Reform the Bad Boy” relationship many a time.  “Ooh, look at that guy.  He’s rude, and he hates me, and he treats everyone like shit,” I think.  “I can fix him.”

It remains to be seen whether Peeta can be fixed, or whether Katniss will even want to try.  And, if she does try to win Peeta’s good graces again, I wonder what her motivation will be.  Out of love?  Or out of a selfish desire to be loved?

Some questions I still have: when was Cinna drafted to the cause?  Before the first Games?  After?  Before the Quarter Quell was announced?  After?  He seems to have  had a lot of time on his hands to design all these outfits.

Some questions we got answered:  Why President Snow smells of blood.  Awesome.

That’s it for this round, folks.  Check in tomorrow, as Henri and I will be discussing THE ENTIRE BOOK.  Oh my god, KATNISS BETTER BE OKAY.

And making me totally crazy!!!  Because, for maybe the first time in my life, outside of dance parties, I AGREE WITH HENRI.

More under the cut!  Remember, we are discussing spoilers for chapters 1 through 5 ONLY.  Please do not reply with information after chapter 5 to this post.  (We will be coming at you all week with this, unfolding this book like a flower.  Or an onion, depending on how much Collins makes us cry.)

District 13.

WHAT THE WHAT?  These people are ASSHOLES.  I am so, so glad that Suzanne Collins didn’t wuss out and make District 13 some sort of happy fairyland where ice cream mountains melt into milkshake rivers, but, frankly, I HATE THESE JERKS SO MUCH. 

First of all, there’s the crazy uber-discipline.  Do we really want these guys to be the winner?  So, what, we can have our schedules tattoed on our arms, with only half an hour for Cat Adoration?  That is, if we’re ALLOWED to have a pet, and if they don’t kick the cat out for missing its curfew.  A cat curfew!  What is that?

And not to mention how they treated our favorite dumb Capitol idiots, the prep team.  Chained to the wall?  Having to do their business down their leg, hoping it will all drain into the grate?  What the hell did the prep team ever do to you, District 13?  Complain about your leg hair?

But, I think the thing that gets my goat more than anything is that for 75 years, these people have been watching the children of other Districts get carted off to the games.  And they’ve done NOTHING about it.  I did the math.  By my calculations, 1731 children have died in the Hunger Games while District 13 was sitting underground, worrying about how many pieces of bread a person is allowed to have.  ONE THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE.  And so now they’re interested in fighting back??

But, all that said, how cool was the reveal that, actually, they’d just struck a deal with the Capitol and had been living in relative pox-ridden peace all this time?

The Great Distric 12 Migration

It’s awesome that Gale saved so many District 12ers.  It really is.  But, he managed to single-handedly destroy the relationship I was actually rooting for the most.  And that’s Gale and Madge.

Don’t laugh!  I’ve been wanting those two crazy kids to get together ever since he was a dick to her about how many times her name was in the Reaping pile.  They’d just be so cute together!  He could hunt and bring her dad strawberries; she could make sure his table manners weren’t apalling!  Gale!  HOW COULD YOU NOT SAVE MADGE??

Peeta’s Interview

So, what do you guys think about Peeta’s interview?  Is he playing the crowd?  Being tortured?  Trying to impart secret messages to the rebel forces by blinking in Morse Code?  I don’t know, but I do know this: no way is my Peeta Mellark a turncoat.  That boy is up to something good; I can just tell.

In continuation of Henri’s math, I’d like to offer some more:

District 13:

+25 for actually staying alive all this time

-42 for being dicks about the cat

+21 for recognizing the awesomeness of Greasy Sae and offering her a position in the cafeteria

Join us later as Henri and I delve EVER DEEPER* into Mockingjay!  A review of the next ten chapters is forthcoming!  I predict that Henri will use the phrase “Erin, I was totally wrong; Peeta is wonderful” at least twice.  I won’t gloat.  MUCH.

*You guys, it is seriously killing us to maintain our journalistic integrity and read at this pace.  BUT WE’RE GONNA DO IT.

(P.S. Please excuse my general face in this picture.  We had just had the Quarter Quells and I had consumed several Effies – which turned out to be QUITE STRONG – on an empty stomach.)

HAPPY MOCKINGJAY EVE! that’s right — this time tomorrow, many of us will be finishing up mockingjay, bleary eyed from lack of sleep and feeling the onset of the shakes from a wicked case of TEABS. here at FYA HQ, we’ve been spazzing out about the release party going down in austin, and are almost as excited about the party as we are about the book (almost). not only will it give us the chance to do some hunger-games-related awesomeness, it’ll give us the chance to meet a whole bunch of y’all in REAL LIFE. OMG!

check out the caf for info on release parties in your area, and read on to see how to get a great party going. too late to plan a release party? have a TEABS party instead! it’ll give you an excuse to drown yr sorrows with any one of our HG cocktails (ha, like you need one!) — or at least make sure you don’t drink alone — until you’re recovered enough for a rebound book.

we tapped our collective talents and consulted our inner young adults to find out what could make this the most awesome party ever, and came up with these events.

peeta’s bakery cupcake decorating

practice your camouflage skills and carb up before the games with cupcake decorating! just a warning — come early because erin’s super-yummy coconut-vanilla and chocolate-guinness cupcakes may not actually make it past my greedy little hands to the decorating table!

cinna’s screenprinting studio

bring a t-shirt, bag, blanket, cat — whatever you want to permanently mark with hunger games imagery to the screenprinting studio! don’t worry, we’ve done the major work already. we’ll have mockingjays big and small, some select team slogans and a bonus president snow propaganda poster for you to print on everything you own.

and finally, the piece de resistance (except for getting the books, natch):

THE ARENA

that’s right, we’ll be having our OWN battle royale with nerf weapons (check out posh’s shopping cart!). so not quite to the death, but maybe to the pain? 24 will enter, and only 1 will remain. DISTRICT 12 REPRESENT!

add some signature drinks (and champ cans!), and you have one awesome HG party. what are your plans? if you can’t meet us at

10 pm at BookPeople in Austin, TX

share your party plans in the comments, and pics in the caf! and may the odds be ever in your favor!

PEOPLE!!!!!! MOCKINGJAY COMES OUT IN LESS THAN A MONTH!!!!! WE NEED TO PREPARE!!!

sure, we’ve been waiting practically a century for this mothercussing book to be released, but for some reason, the closer it gets, the more nervous i become. like, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!! SUZANNE COLLINS ARE YOU GOING TO KILL PEETA?!!! and so help me god if CINNA IS DEAD I WILL CUT YOU.

the only thing that may possibly prevent me from dying of a spazz attack between now and august 24th is, of course, endlessly chattering about the book in the most freakishly animated way possible. or, as i prefer to describe it, engaging in a highly intellectual discussion of mockingjay predictions. so gather yr thoughts, harness that OMG IF THIS HAPPENS I WILL DIE anxiety and let’s get down to serious business!

let us begin with the most important question:

1. Will Katniss Make Betty Friedan Proud?

by the end of “catching fire,” it was pretty obvious that katniss is totes over serving as a puppet in other people’s schemes. girlfriend is ready to take matters into her own hands, with peeta’s rescue as her number one priority. the question is, will she go rogue? stay with gale? sever ties with haymitch? personally, i think she’ll probably keep at least gale around, but she’ll actually make decisions for herself (FINALLY). they’ll regroup as planned in district 13 (maybe with a pit stop in the ruins of district 12?!) then head back to the capitol with a plan to rescue peeta and overthrow president snow. i’m guessing that katniss will defer leadership of the rebel army but will somehow be forced to step up anyway. AWW OUR LITTLE TRIBUE IS ALL GROWED UP! the tension between her desire to save peeta and save the entire country should result in some pretty fantastic angst, not to mention fierce badassery.

moving on to the question that haunts my dreams and peppers all of my conversations, leading to a severe drop in party invitations:

2. WHO WILL DIE?

LORDY LORD this book is gonna be a bloodbath. and by that i mean, TWILL BE AWESOME. here’s my prediction on who will bite the panem dust:

haymitch (while attempting to assassinate president snow)
finnick (in battle/during the prison break)
johanna (in battle/during the prison break)
prim (i realize this is wishful thinking but COME ON. she either needs to grow a pair or die quickly)
president snow (ARROWED BY KATNISS. OBVS)
gale (more on this below)

3. Who will Katniss Choose?

who am i kidding, this is obviously the most important question that mockingjay will (hopefully) answer. wait. omg you guys. WHAT IF SUZANNE LEAVES US HANGING WITH SOME HEINOUSLY AMBIGUOUS ENDING?!!! QUELLE NIGHTMARE!!!!!! ok, ok, that’s not gonna happen. right? RIGHT?!!! holy shizz i just freaked myself out royally. give me a minute.

ahem. ok. so. i’ll admit that i’m team peeta, but i don’t think this bias has anything to do with my prediction that gale will sacrifice himself to save katniss, who will mourn his loss but ultimately discover, upon finding peeta, that she’s in love with him (and his croissants, of course). personally i think this is a really lazy way to go, because i want collins to force katniss to choose instead of giving her an easy way out. either way, i doubt there will be a “happily ever after” ending, which is good, cos hunger games ain’t no fairy tale, y’all! so, suzanne, whatever you decide, just do me a favor and KEEP IT REAL. and also PLZ DON’T KILL MY PEETA.

4. Is Cinna Alive?

YES. HE’S GOT TO BE. HE’S GOT. TO. BE!!!!!!

i’m hoping that he’ll work with peeta to break out of prison (hello! he can sew guard outfits!) and then survive the ensuing battle so he can make fabulous new government uniforms and obvs a new wedding dress for katniss (whenever she decides to get married. no rush! “rule the country now, get married later!” has always been my personal mantra).

so, those are the four main questions that keep me awake at night and better be answered in mockingjay, otherwise i will find suzanne collins and GO HUNGER GAMES ON HER ASS.

enough from me! let’s hear from some other FYAers:

meghan:

my dad and i had extensive conversations about this while going for long walks before thomas was born, and decided peeta is going to come back and gale and katniss will think he was a spy for the capitol. BUT, peeta’ll actually be a double agent, but because of his stupid insistence on hiding things from katniss all the time, she won’t know he’s still on her side and either she or gale will kill him, then find out their mistake. i don’t think suzanne collins would really do that to us, but it’s still an intriguing idea.

or gale will sacrifice himself to save peeta’s life, cos he’s all dedicated to the cause like that.

all i know is there better be more cinna. and croissants. i mean, if district 13 is really paradise, surely there are croissants, right?

jenny:

I think Cinna and Peeta will somehow start an alliance of rebel forces while being imprisoned and tortured.  But I also think Gale will sacrifice himself. I think, in the end, it might be Katniss and Haymitch who are the survivors, and they would live out their days in drunken stupor. Cinna and Peeta would probably not make it out, but they’d do something heroic, and have a special moment or two. I think Mom is going to grow a pair, finally, and she and Prim are going to be tough-ass healing bitches. I think Peeta will kill President Snow. I really don’t think all these things will happen, but I think it would be awesome if they did!

erin:

Will Haymitch descend into a shame spiral like Mel Gibson?  If Cinna is still alive (HE BETTER BE ALIVE!), will he be a contestant on Project Runway?  (Subquestion: will he be a fan favorite like Daniel V and then turn into a bit of a dick?)  Will Peeta EVER send me some hot cross buns??

and now it’s y’all’s turn. are we totally right? completely wrong? share yr predictions/spazzing in the comments!

i’ll leave you with the lametastic new mockingjay trailer, which tells us nothing except that scholastic still thinks the cartoon mockingjay, aka olive, is cool. dear scholastic OLIVE WILL NEVER BE COOL.

gah i need a drink.

ok, so we all know dystopia’s the new vampire, right? and the new black, and the new harry potter, and the new … oh, screw it. y’all, we also all know dystopia is an awesome genre that’s been around for-like-ever and it’ll really REALLY suck if it gets screwed up now thanks to publishers jumping on the hunger-games bandwagon (not that it’s a terrible place to be. i mean, for a dystopia) because we here LOVE dystopia. i’d like to suggest a few badass dystopian classics  everyone should get their grabby hands on before the publishers ruin the genre by flooding the market and/or finding the stephenie meyer of dystopia out there.

my highly scientific selection criteria included books that were at least kinda old (like, i did/coulda/shoulda read them as a YA) and were books i’ve read. so that’s why i might not have mentioned some truly badass dystopian novels like the chaos walking series, or some book you’ll be dying to recommend/wonder why i left it out (i can’t read everything, you know). see something missing? add it in the comments! bonus points for constructing yr concept of what the stephenie-meyer-of-dystopias book would be like (yeah, yeah, i know she did it already with the host – read it, gagged about the “it’s the woman’s fault she gets the shit beaten out of her by her boyfriend” message in it, over it).

now, in no particular order (other than the random one my scrambled brain spit out, and the order they were listed on goodreads when i searched for “dystopia” to find anything i’d missed), here ya go:

a wrinkle in time by madeline l’engle, published 1962

the whole book’s not a dystopia, but kamazotz was my very first intro to the wonderful world of total mind control and the loss of individuality, where i learned that “Alike and Equal are not the same thing at all.” plus, it introduces the totally swoonworthy couple of meg and calvin, and the crushworthy twins (although they’re not crushworthy until later on, in many waters). AND bonus — math and science are awesome, and awesome for girls!

shade’s children by garth nix, published 1997

i’ve already reviewed this book, but it’s a composite of the dystopian classics “harvest humans for parts/all the adults disappear leaving only children/artificial intelligence a la HAL9000″. and garth nix is just awesome (y’all, for some seriously badass zombie/fantasy shizz, check out the abhorsen trilogy). this is one of those books that’s the one that got away for me — i really REALLY wish i’d read it as a teenager, before the matrix came out and before i read a bunch of other similar, more recently published books. because i’d love to have this one as my reference point, not the other way around.

the handmaid’s tale by margaret atwood, published 1985

not a YA book, but since it’s often studied in school and is just generally awesome, i have to include it. my favorite thing about atwood’s dystopias is they’re so grounded in reality. she takes one crazy thing about our society — here it’s the rise of fundamentalist christian anti-feminist neo-cons (particularly the brainwashed female variety) — and tweaks and twists it to push it to its farthest believable limit, then builds a whole potential future around it. scary? you bet your ass. but whatever you do, don’t let the bastards get you down.

parable of the sower by octavia butler, published 1993

the u.s. is a complete disaster — overrun by disease and major cray cray — and people huddle together in walled neighborhoods, venturing out only in well-armed groups. lauren olamina suffers from “hyperempathy syndrome” and feels the pain of anyone she’s around (for reals, though — this is no bill clinton bullshit). when things go from as awful as you can imagine to even worse, she takes off with a backpack and survival guide (and mad girl scout skills) and ends up starting a new religion. it’s an awesome book (and series), and EVEN AWESOMER? lauren’s black. attention YA publishers: we like reading about non-white heroines. and seeing them on the covers of the books, kthx.

lord of the flies by william golding, published 1954

this one’s a no-brainer, just like the next one on the list, but who can leave out the island of feral boys? and poor piggy? and jack and simon? HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? I HAVE THE CONCH. thank you.

1984 by george orwell, published 1949

again on the list of school assigned reading, but who hasn’t looked around and thought about big brother when getting yet another fucking privacy settings update from facebook? also awesome — secksin’ saves the day and is the key to freeing yr mind. and no damn talking pigs and horses.

the giver by lois lowry, published 1993

this one’s right up there with a wrinkle in time as one of the first truly mind-blowing books i ever read. i mean, yes, i was probably 10 yrs old so it didn’t take much (oooh, nope, it was published in 1993, so i had to be at least 12!), but still. a world where yr future is decided for you at age 12? *cough* magnet schools *cough*? it’s a classic false utopia rather than a dystopia — seems perfect, but evil lurks under the surface. extra fun fact: cover image came from this crazypants website.

day of the triffids by john wyndham, published 1951

i haven’t actually read this book, and i’m not sure it qualifies as a dystopia, but my husband insisted i include it. apparently it’s the MOST AWESOME BOOK EVER if you’re a 12-yo british boarding school boy (which he’s not anymore, don’t worry). and it’s about an alien invasion that makes everyone blind or insane or something, except for a few people, like john masen, who then has to save the world. bonus factor: audrey II.

what do y’all think? what are your recommendations for rescuing dystopia from the likes of stephenie meyer? what books totally rocked yr 12-yo world (actual or inner 12-yo, of course)?

and for bonus points, watch my favorite dystopian movie of all time — brazil. a world where bureaucracy and totalitarianism and an insane addiction to technology for technology’s sake are all melded together by terry gilliam to create the best nightmare ever, including the most creepy dolls you’ll ever see.

if FYA were a dwarf in “snow white,” we would most certainly NOT be bashful (is there a dwarf named Alkie? no? just curious). in fact, after excellent YA and strong cocktails, there’s nothing we love more than a good compliment*.

we also enjoy appreciating ourselves for the hard drinking work we do on this site, and so we’ve decided to nominate ourselves for the book blogger appreciation week (BBAW) awards, which has got to be the lamest-sounding awards acronym in history but WHATEVS, it’s an award and WE WANT IT. because we are eternal teenagers, and we need acceptance from our peers. and also a sparkly tiara, if possible.

in order to register for award consideration, bloggers must publish an entry “linking to five past posts they feel distinguish their blog in their chosen niche.” our chosen niche, btw, is YA. in case you were confused, i.e. there is not a niche for Best Adult Beverage Book Blog (yet!).

jenny, erin, meghan and i tried to come up with a list of our top five entries, but it was hard!!! the only ones we agreed on for sure are:

• the sweet valley high drinking game
• find yr hunger games name

i would throw erin’s new “flowers in the attic” series in the ring as well, but we also need to include two book reports.

so now we need yr help! which posts do you think distinguish us as a YA blog? which book reports are yr favorite?

COMMENCE SHOWER OF COMPLIMENTS!

*this is a blatant lie, as i can think of at least ten things i love more than a good compliment. this list includes mac & cheese, “friday night lights,” dance parties and eric from “true blood.” but still, compliments are pretty great.

here at FYA headquarters, we try to keep a finger on the extremely hormonal, racing pulse of YA. usually we stick to books, but occasionally, we enter into real live teenager territory! DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE!

thanks to a recent visit to olive garden, we couldn’t help but notice that prom season is in full swing. and while i realize that prom should actually never be the greatest night of anyone’s life (YOU ARE FULL OF LIES, SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE), it’s still a Major Event in the world of any young adult, whether you embrace it with a humongous tiara or decide to go paintballing with yr friends instead.

moreover, prom is one of the many teenage milestones that is far easier to enjoy in a YA novel than it is in real life. because in a book, either something incredibly unrealistic magical happens or the character undergoes some type of humiliation that is way less traumatic than yr own personal tragedy because you know that somehow, some way, that character will get a happy ending (there’s a happy ending, right? RIGHT?!!).

therefore, we thought it would be fun* to revisit ye olde prom nights by posting some extremely mortifying photos and sharing a few salient tidbits! and then we thought, hey, wait, why should we be the only ones to revel in the glory of big hair and tacky dresses? so we decided to stop being selfish and invite all of you to embarrass yrselves along with us and submit your most awesome prom photos with the answers to a few v. important questions:

1. who was yr prom date (if you had one)? please provide a brief description (crush? best friend? boyfriend/girlfriend?).

2. what was yr favorite song that played at the prom?

3. what was the most YA-tastic moment of the night?

by YA-tastic, we mean something straight out of a YA novel, like totally magical or really humiliating or just super teenagery and great.

you can email us by hitting the “pass us a note!” link on the right. ladies and gentlemen, START YR SCANNING! and yr cringing!

if anyone can beat that photo, we will crown you prom queen (or king!) and send you some ARCs (which last a lot longer than high school popularity, let me tell you).

so send us yr submissions and stay tuned for the FYA PROM ISSUE! did i mention that you may see a few YA authors in poofy dresses and shiny cumberbunds? OH YES. YOU WILL.

*apparently, we define “fun” as insanely embarrassing.

Okay FYA readers, we’re having a virtual slumber party! I know! So grab your favorite cocktails, put on your jimjams and get ready for some swooning, book reading, pranks and partaking of tasty business!

To make your packing easy, we came up with a list of fill-in-the-blank slumber party essentials!  You can see what (and who) we’re each bringing after the break!

Okay, so what’s more important than picking out your fave jimjams and being sure to pack a poster of your current ‘dream’ movie star boyfriend? Well, here at FYA, we, of course, say cocktails!  Some of the other all-important slumber party accoutrements? Favorite authors! Favorite fictional characters to introduce to the rest of the girls! Your fantasy pick for YA novel-turned movie! And did I mention cocktails?

IN POSH’S SUITCASE:

Jimjams: my cupcake ones!!! esp. cos the brand is actually named “nick & norah” so wearing them is like, YA product placement.

Fave food: i mad dogged this category for about five minutes because asking someone to limit their tasty business to ONE THING is just totally mean. with that said, within the slumber party genre, my favorite food is chocolate chip cookie cake (from the great american cookie store in the mall, OBVS). and a bag of fritos to cut down on the sweetness. and while you’re at the mall, mom, go ahead and grab us some cinnabons for the morning! because lord knows we’ll need more sugar to replenish all of the calories we squeed out.

Adult bev: champers, champers, champers. preferably in the form of a sofia champ can for easy (lazy) consumption.

Book: the jessica darling series because it will undoubtedly provide two v. necessary ingredients for slumber parties: uproarious laughter and major swoonage.

YA author: DANG this is hard. i mean, can’t we just be nice and invite everyone?!! except the mean YA authors, of course. whoever they might be (do they exist?). ok, well, if i can only bring one lady, i’d have to go with maureen johnson cos she seems so hilarious and awesome on her twitter. plus she’s bffs with john green so we could crank call him!

YA fantasy movie adaptation: JELLICOE ROAD, y’all. jellicoe freaking road. and it better feature taylor kitsch or I WILL CUT SOMEONE (erin’s choice is a close second).

YA bff to introduce to everybody else: ruby oliver!!! you guys maybe she’d let us have the sleepover on her houseboat!! for other examples of her amazingess, see my list here.

Poster of your YA self’s movie star boyfriend: this is the easiest question ever. KEANU REEVES. and if y’all are lucky, i’ll bring the (in?)famous keanu VHS tape and its companion box of keanu clippings.

Fave beauty product to share: my massive collection of benefit make-up. oh and hard candy nail polish, obvs!

Prank/game: y’all we have GOT to TP somebody’s house. like maybe… PRESIDENT SNOW?

IN MEGHAN’S SUITCASE:

Jimjams: my fav. frankie and johnny men’s-style jimjams with books all over them (they shrunk in the wash, so they’re too short in the arms and legs, but WHO CARES i love them)

Fave food: croissants! and marshmallow popcorn – y’all, srsly the BEST INVENTION EVER. melt marshmallows and butter, then stir it into popcorn. YUM.

Adult bev: gin martinis, v. dry.

Book: oh, man, this is really hard. um, graceling or sweethearts or princess diaries or great and terrible beauty.

YA author: MEG CABOT. duh. she’d totally be the MOST FUN EVER at a slumber party.

YA movie adaptation: clueless! ok, it’s an adaptation of emma, but it has teenagers and I LOVE IT.

YA bff to introduce to everybody else: everyone else will bring katniss, so i’ll bring someone new — suze from the mediator series (meg cabot). she can talk to ghosts! AND can kick major ass. y’all, she’s really awesome and i can’t wait to introduce her to everyone

Poster of your YA self’s movie star boyfriend: if i were 12, it was totally mike vitar (the guy in the sandlot). high school? robert sean leonard (nerd alert — he was SO HOT as neil in dead poets’ society, plus we could watch much ado about nothing and sarah could swoon over keanu and i could swoon over rsl)

Fave beauty product to share: ok, so i really suck at this part. i was always the one people wanted to make over at slumber parties. but probably something that smells yummy, like cupcake-scented lotion. hopefully someone brings cupcakes as a snack, though, cos that stuff always makes me want cupcakes.

Prank/game: crank calling cute boys! like peeta and christopher (from the airhead series

IN ERIN’S SUITCASE:

Jimjams: my current jimjams that have bunnies having a tea party. Because I don’t wear jimjams for anything other than overnights with family or slumber parties, i usually only have one pair at a time. And my boyfriend spilled tea on my last pair.

Fave food: fondue! can i bring fondue to a slumber party? I guess i can if it’s a slumber party from the 80s!

Adult bev: whiskey presbyterian

Book: I will say the All-American Girl series from Meg Cabot. They don’t get alot of love (I need to write about them) but they’re totally fun AND feature secksin. AT CAMP DAVID.

YA author: MEG CABOT. obvs.

YA movie adaptation: Frankie Banks! Frankie Banks! Why isn’t this a movie yet already! I am most whelmed by this idea.

YA bff to introduce to everybody else: Gemma Doyle, obviously. I bet she would KICK ASS at light as a feather.

Poster of your YA self’s movie star boyfriend: Devon Sawa. Don’t judge me!

Fave beauty product to share: Lush’s cupcake face mask. And also Butterballs and Honey Bee bath bombs for everyone.

Prank/Game: the Oiuja board!

IN JENNY’S SUITCASE:

Jimjams: My wasabi green yummy sushi pajamas (which, yes, I ordered online– back when we had dial-up!– after watching the Buffy ep. where she is wearing a yummy sushi nightgown!)

Fave food: Okay, so I can’t pick just one, okay?  Because we need Doritos and Sour Patch Kids, but sometimes those things will give you a tummy ache, so we need something real, and my go-to real food is mac n’ cheese!  And then after the mac n’ cheese, we’ll need cupcakes!  And at midnight, it will be time to order pizza…

Adult bev: Jameson, straight up, twist of lemon

Book: Well, since nobody else chose it, I get to say THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!

YA author: I have to go with Claudia Gray.  I love her Evernight series, and get this: she tweeted earlier this week about one of her upcoming projects: A book about The Titanic- wait for it- with WEREWOLVES!!!  This might cause some of you to squee, and others to raise an eyebrow, but I have total faith in Ms. Gray’s writing chops to make it the most awesome Titanic story ever.

YA fantasy movie adaptation: Okay, so this one’s so easy.  And the best part? It’s not fantasy. The Outsiders! ‘swoon’

YA bff to introduce to everybody else: Again, everybody else avoided the obvious choice, leaving me with none other than: Katniss. Y’all, let’s show her what real girlfriends are like.  Maybe we can help her over her little love triangle hump once and for all.

Poster of your YA self’s movie star boyfriend: Okay, so I originally was going to pack my poster of Ralph Macchio, circa ‘Karate Kid’, but I realized I had COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN MY LOVE AFFAIR (erm, obsession) that spanned FIVE WHOLE YEARS!  How did I forget this? (You may ask) I’ll blame on early old-ladyitis.  River Phoenix, y’all.  He was the central figure in every story I wrote, and every pubescent dream I had from the time I was 12 until at least 17.

Fave beauty product to share: EO’s lavender and sea salt foot soak, with OPI’s Romeo and Juliet for pedicures!

Prank/Game: So the best prank I ever witnessed was at a youth retreat, when all the boys put saran wrap over the girl’s toilets, but I don’t think I’m mean enough to do that to y’all, so I’m going to go with a notebook and pen for MASH!

Alright readers, now it’s your turn! Tell us what you’d bring to this, the BEST SLUMBER PARTY EVER!!!

happy friday, tributes!

i’ve got some good news for you guys! first of all, you’re still alive. so WELL DONE ON THAT. secondly, yr districts have decided to parachute some gifts to you in the form of RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME HUMOR. that’s right, it’s time to reveal the submissions from our “yr argument is invalid, the hunger games edition” contest. oh boy, there are some beauties in here!

in case you need a reminder in the form of le hotness, here’s the initial example i made:

please enjoy, and remember, kids, those berries are POISONOUS. sincerely, lizless w. hitivy.

submitted by meredith:

submitted by talya:

submitted by FYA jenny (double whammy!):

(sorry that one’s so tiny! that’s as big as it gets, which is a crime against gale’s gorgeousness)

submitted by FYA meghan:

submitted by FYA erin:

i think that pretty much puts an end to any and all arguments until the end of time, but in case you still felt any lingering doubt, here’s a final one from me:

i believe that’s, as the kids today would say, an official “BOOM!”