here at FYA HQ, we firmly believe in talking the talk AND walking the walk. we don’t just read books, WE LIVE IN THEM. we don’t just constantly refer to cocktails, WE DRINK THEM.

that’s why, after all of our rhapsodizing about slumber parties, we felt like it was HIGH TIME we threw one in real life. and since meghan lives in a state that is not TX and is therefore too inconsequential to be named, her recent visit to houston provided the perfect opportunity for the four of us to get together and SLUMBER PARTY IT UP.

now, i’m sure you’re all familiar with the necessary ingredients for a successful sleepover: doritos, champ cans, a john hughes movie and smokin’ hot gossip. but if you really want to take yr party to the Next Level, you need something more. something scandalous. something provocative. something ridiculously cray cray enough to induce binge drinking.

i’m speaking, of course, about THE SWEET VALLEY HIGH BOARD GAME!

that’s right, dear readers, we got our hands on this cardboard masterpiece of strategery and decided to play the all-american blue-eyed SHIZZ out of it!

besides this vital ingredient, we also included the following bonus factors:

1. mr. t. in his outer space jim jams!

2. red velvet whoopie pies baked and decorated by our lovely hostess, meredith (you may know her as The Chatterbox).

3. peeta’s croissants, baked with love (and yeah, a few tears) by meghan:

4. a plethora of effies

because we didn’t learn our lesson at the talegate, obvs.

5. PARTY PEOPLE!!!!

we quickly discovered that, um, life in sweet valley? IT’S COMPLICATED YOU GUYS. i mean, just look at these directions:

i swear you could put together an ikea desk with that manual.

in order to determine our popularity (i.e. character), we rolled the die, which was a rather deep commentary on social status that i’m pretty sure was not intentional on milton bradley’s part.

meredith and meghan got to be lila, and we all hated them for it, because SHE’S SO PRETTY:

erin got enid, and jenny got stuck with being elizabeth. SUCKS TO BE YOU, I.E. ELIZABETH, JENNY.

and guess guess GUESS who got to be the best and most popular girl in school? THAT’S RIGHT BISHES I’M JESSICA!!!!!

now, the goal of the game is to collect all of the cards that match yr character board by moving around the “school” so that you can have THE BEST AND MOST MAGICAL NIGHT OF YR LIFE. it’s obvs that i would need my COUTURE pink dress and corsage, but the teacher thing sorta stumped us. like, was ms. taylor my chaperone? and if so, was it important that i get her because she’s the most easy going and wouldn’t mind if bruce patman and i didn’t leave any room for the holy spirit?

of course, we all know that collecting cards isn’t the TRUE goal of the game. because this is sweet valley, and the only thing that matters here is proving yr superiority by decimating everyone else’s self-esteem. or, in elizabeth’s case, MEDDLING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS.

we didn’t even have to stage this photo, because this ACTUALLY HAPPENED during the game. I KNOW. thankfully, lila knew exactly how to handle elizabeth and her sanctimonious ways:

it’s a shame, really, that milton bradley doesn’t make this game anymore, because kids today could really benefit from the wisdom gained by traipsing around a high school just to find the perfect dress and OMG WHERE ARE THE PROM DECORATIONS. gah, thomas is so lucky that he has us! otherwise he’ll never understand how to properly steal someone’s boyfriend!

you’d think that finding all of this stuff would only require an hour or so. i mean, yeah, it’s prom, so IT’S A BIG DEAL OBVS, but everything’s already inside the school! for some reason! how long can it take?

THREE HOURS. THAT’S HOW LONG IT TAKES. WHAT IS THIS, THE HUNGER GAMES?!!! actually, by the end, we were totally pulling a cato, begging each other to just win already and FREE US FROM THIS MISERY.

lucky for you, i took all of the trauma and scandal we experienced and condensed it into LESS THAN SIX AND A HALF MINUTES. that should tell you something about the vacuousness of this game. and also the number of champ cans/effies we consumed.

and so, without further ado, i present: FYA vs SVH! PLAY ON PLAYERS!

let me start by saying that there are NO spoilers in this post. so if you’re like me, and you haven’t been able to finish mockingjay because for some reason you’re expected to actually WORK at yr job (i mean, what?!), fear not. this post will focus solely on the INCREDIBLY AMAZING EXTRAVAGANZA known as the FYA Mockingjay Midnight Release TaleGate Party! some of us may also know it by the name of The Night I Got Bruised By a Nerf Battle Axe And Drank Too Many Effies.

cos when it comes to parties, the citizens of the capitol ain’t got NADA on FYA. sure, they have those bulimia pills and that tasty lamb & plum stew, but do they have CHAMP CANS? DIY T-SHIRTS? CUPCAKES DECORATED LIKE EACH DISTRICT? and, most importantly, do they have the awesome readers of FYA who totally know how to BRING ON THE FIESTA? i don’t think so! plus, no one actually died in our hunger games, which is honestly all the proof you need to realize that we are the superior hosts.

before the official party began, meghan and i met up at jenny’s place for dinner. this was a momentous occasion because 1) well, dinner! duh! 2) meghan and jenny had never met! plus jenny & i got to introduce ourselves to the youngest member in the FYA family, thomas! or as we like to call him, mr. t, because HE PITIES THE FOOL THAT IS NOT AS CUTE AS HE IS.

jenny and i were instantly smitten by his preciousness, and i have the feeling that all of us would volunteer to take his place in the hunger games if need be (although i’m pretty sure he could slay all tributes just by being adorable).

around 9 PM, we headed over to the parking lot of bookpeople to GET OUR TALEGATE ON! so you know how people tailgate because they’re excited about a game and want to support their team? well, we talegate because we’re SPAZZING ABOUT A BOOK AND WANT TO BUY IT IMMEDIATELY! and also because we exploit any opportunity to enjoy cocktails.

now, if you’ve ever tailgated before, you know there’s a few rules that MUST be followed (and i’m not talking the police kind). so when it comes to talegating, we take those higher laws of public intoxication and run with them transform them with a whimsical layer of literary references!

Rule #1: Talegates must have appropriate signage, i.e. posters that resemble student council campaign posters:

that’s my friend talena, whom i’ve known since 6th grade. she loaned me my first l.j. smith book, and for that, i owe her a great debt.

Rule #2: One should never, ever, EVER run out of adult beverages.

as you can see, we went with a mix of classy and cheapass. which is basically, uh, what we are.

Rule #3: Invite fans of the book who aren’t afraid to express their inner YA (or in this case, their inner hunger games).

that’s right, anna marie and lee CAME IN COSTUME! ALL THE WAY FROM HOUSTON! what the WHAT!!!!! not only were they v. believable inhabitants of district 12, but they also played extremely convincing dead tributes in the arena. it should come as no surprise to you that these ladies are ABSO CHARMING, and you should totes check out their account of our party.

speaking of good company, LOOK IT’S ALL FOUR OF THE FYAERS IN ONE PLACE!!!! y’all that has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF TIME!!! factor in our excitement for mockingjay, plus the extremely strong effies in those red plastic cups, and you can imagine JUST HOW SPAZZTASTIC WE WERE. INTENSITY IN TEN CITIES.

Rule #4: Bring your (hunger) game face.

i asked lauren and mary claire to give me their best katniss and this is what happened. dude, even president snow would not mess with that fierceness!

Rule #5: Indulge in tasty business, because you need to keep yr energy up if you’re going to make it to midnight (not to mention survive in the arena).

in a tribute (HAR) to peeta, erin baked some DELISH cupcakes and provided icing and sprinkles so that people could decorate them like different districts in panem before totally devouring them (hey! just like the capitol!). i believe trish is displaying district 4, while hur-shiu is presenting a bloody battle scene from the arena. violence has never looked so appetizing.

Rule #6: Show support for your book/team (peeta!) by wearing the appropriate wardrobe.

for mockingjay, we took it a step further and provided stencils and paint so people could pull a cinna and design their own! thanks to the ever crafty meghan and her DIY screenprinting skills, folks could choose from a variety of messages (“i like boys who bake”) and images to represent their inner revolutionary. check out reeves, aka REBEL GIRL:

we also offered the classic mockingjay (modeled by erica) because people need to know which side you’re on! although with katniss’ observation skills, erica may need to tattoo one on her forehead.

the screenprinting got a little messy, but that’s ok, because it’s really fun to pretend like red paint is blood. at least, if you’re eight-years-old like i am.

but all of this awesomeness pales in comparison (ok, except #2) to the seventh and final rule:

Rule #7: Engage in a highly ridiculous activity that somehow relates to the book. In other words: WE HAD OUR OWN HUNGER GAMES BISHES!!!!!!

since we did, in fact, want to avoid actual death, we went with nerf, although those foam bullets can still inflict some damage if you’re intoxicated strong enough. henri is modeling the katniss weapon of choice, and we also had guns, swords and battle axes!

one of our guests, sadie, totally careered it up and brought HER OWN BOW & ARROW. HOLLA!

unlike katniss and peeta, our tributes came PREPARED. not only to party, but to KICK SOME MAJOR ASS.

as you can see, this talegate had more attitude than a beyonce video.

you know how tyra teaches us to “smize”? well, lucy and lily were basically KILLIZING.

don’t even get me started on trish’s bloodlust. that’s some cato shizz right there.

ok, enough stalling! let’s GET TO THE GAMES, which will begin at the cornucopia:

per tradition, tributes must take what they need to survive: weapons… OR CHAMP CANS?!! i’m sure you can guess what i ran for.

warning: the following videos depict massive nerf carnage and the innocent faux death of many tributes. HAPPY HUNGER GAMES! and may the odds be ever in your favor!

after five vicious rounds, we followed in the steps of the capitol and invited forced the five victors to compete in THE QUARTER QUELL! i played like caesar flickerman and asked the tributes to introduce themselves:

and now, ladies and gentlemen, THE FYA QUARTER QUELL! HOLY SHIZZ! WATCH OUT FOR THE MONKEYS!

there you have it, THE CHAMPION OF THE 2010 FYA HUNGER GAMES!!! the good news is that he didn’t have to kill anyone to achieve this honor. the bad news is, we don’t have a victor’s village for him to move into, unless you count my crappy one bedroom apartment with plumbing problems.

the quell ended right at the stroke of midnight, launching a mad rush towards bookpeople, the likes of which would’ve overwhelmed even the most ardent bieber fan cos OMGGGG IT’S MOCKINGJAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

i don’t think i’ve squealed this much since the NKOTB concert in ’89. and i don’t think i’ve known such YA bliss, such unhinged happiness, such champagne-fueled “OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING I LOVE YOU GUYS!” as this moment, right here:

i can’t even handle the amount of win in that picture. nor can i recall why we thought it was a good idea to make effies without proper measuring tools.

to everyone who came to our talegate, THANK YOU!!!! it was such a blast to actually hang out in *real life*, and we’ll definitely do it again soon. to those of you who held yr own celebrations, tell us about ‘em in the comments (and remember, NO BOOK SPOILERS!)! and to suzanne collins, thank you for giving us a reason to throw a party that was OTC TO THE MAX!

and finally, to president snow, YEAH YOU WEREN’T INVITED TO THE PARTY SO SUCK MY PANTS LOSER.

you guys! so, it’s been an exciting and way awesome (and way OUCH) few days for me. why, you ask? because i finally got to meet the newest member of this awesome FYA family. that’s right — Mr. T!!

what? NO, not THAT mr. t. THIS mr. t (otherwise known as thomas):

i know what you’re thinking — those cheeks! and they’re just getting better and better. thomas was born thursday morning and we’re s-l-o-w-l-y adjusting (and THANK GOD, no, he didn’t have to be bitten out — gross!). AND guess what else it means? i can finally play the awesome drinking games! woo hoo!

a few more pictures, then i’m outtie.

i gotta get me a pair of those awesome mitts

my husband chris with the spawn

this is so not an iphone pic -- it's grainy cos it's a telephoto paparazzi shot of the walk through the hospital parking lot. cos this kid is already so awesome!

heading home. love that look of disdain.

welcome to the second and final installment of our 2010 BEA coverage, in which i attempt to squish all of our remaining adventures (plus the book blogger con) into one post! think of it like an exciting round of chubby bunny, the game that requires you to stuff as many marshmallows into yr mouth as possible without throwing up! this entry is just like that! minus the gross gooey spewage! alright! KILLER INTRO.

when we last saw our heroines, they were open barring it up at the harper collins reception. come with me, dear reader, as we return to find them, bright and early on a sunny wednesday morning, slurping the sweet, sweet nectar of coffee:

PRAISE THEE, OH LIFE GIVING SUSTENANCE.

which brings me to our next pro-tip:

6. FROM NOW ON, DRINK YR COFFEE FROM A BOWL.

that’s actually a piece of life advice, not just for BEA. you’re welcome!

jenny and i decided to play hooky for half of the day, because 1) we were kinda tired of the clustercuss 2) we like the feeling of breaking the rules, cos we were both goody goodies growing up. note that i said the *feeling*, not any actual breaking of the rules, since OMG WE CANNOT GET IN TROUBLE OR WE WILL GO TO HELL.

so instead of heading over to the javitz center, we paid a visit to books of wonder, the famous children’s book store that inspired the shop around the corner, meg ryan’s store in my FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME, “you’ve got mail.” y’all i am not even kidding around. it actually is my favorite. just ask my boyfriend, who’s had to hear me shout the following line about a million times (i.e. whenever i’m bored or irritated): “THIS PLACE IS A TOMB. I’M GOING TO THE NUT SHOP WHERE IT’S FUN!”

7. visit books of wonder, esp. the rare books section!
(bonus: quote steve zahn from YGM while you’re gazing at the $45,000 books and say, “yeah, well, the illustrations are hand-tipped!”).

ok swimfan moment officially over. so books of wonder! totally charming!

this shelf in particular made jenny and i squee like deranged banshees. shel silverstein! CDC! lyle, lyle crocodile!

and… WAIT. is that THE LONELY DOLL?!!!! oh man i LOVED this book when i was little! *picks it up, flips through pages* YOU GUYS i can’t believe they have it! this book is so– whoah. uh… hmm. when did the lonely doll get so, well, creepy?

fortunately i was able to shake off my heebie jeebies cos LOOK DANCING CUPCAKES! all tarted up and high kicking!

after enjoying the edible, less slutty version of its dancing sisters, we walked over to the strand, because apparently we still believe that books are our best friends (lonely childhoods represent!), and therefore we must be surrounded by an entourage of them at all time. here’s jenny, who, by the look on her face, was apparently just elected homecoming queen by her pals in the YA section. AWWW CONGRATS.

given the arduous nature of our morning, it was obvs time for THE COCKTAIL PANEL. we convened at the penny farthing, which we selected because, well, because it had a bar. but also, it had a nice, charming feel to it! but mostly cos the bar.

we cabbed it back to the javitz center around 2 PM so we could meet kirsten miller, author of the upcoming “eternal ones” and creator of the best YA superhero ever, kiki strike! we didn’t take a picture with her, cos we didn’t want to seem too swimfanny, but we DID accept compliments from her! she was super nice and said, “you guys are so cute in person!” oh kirsten, flattery will get you EVERYWHERE WITH US. everywhere like… wanna go get a drink? oh, you have a thousand more books to sign? ok, well, then some other time! like… maybe in an hour?

8. when meeting a favorite author, keep yr swimfanning to minimum because then they might actually think you’re cool and want to be friends with you and come to yr slumber party and OMG WE ARE GONNA BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS 4 LIFE.

pro-tips aside, it really is neat to meet a writer you admire and know that they’re a Real Person. sort of like that moment when you discover that yr teacher doesn’t sleep under her desk at school and like, actually eats things besides apples. plus, kirsten looks eerily similar to kiki strike! check it:

hey let’s go discover some secret underground tunnels! pretty please!

speaking of cool authors, check out this guy! SILLY PHOTO OP!

yep, just chillaxin’ with jon stewart. no big deal.

jenny and i are living proof that you really can be forever young adult at heart. i mean, immaturity is a skill, you guys.

we headed back to the autograph area to score a few more books. here’s a picture so you can feel like you were there, experiencing all of the excitement of waiting! yay!

la la la, just hanging out, hoping the line moves soon and OMG IS THAT TIM GUNN? IT’S TIM GUNN! THAT IS TIM GUNN! the cinna of america!!!

best queue scenery EVER.

i also ran into my friend owen egerton, a writer from austin! we took a picture together since i don’t have to worry about scaring him off with swimfannery (because we are FRIENDS. FOR REAL. i swear). owen’s hilarious and super nice– y’all should totally check him out.

and that, my friends-on-the-internet, was the end of BEA 2010. WE CAME, WE SAW, WE DRANK. i mean, WE CONQUERED.

but even though the convention itself was over, jenny and i still had work to do! so we rolled up our sleeves and GOT DOWN TO IT.

i mean, just LOOK at that form! you think it comes easy? NO SIR. this level of professionalism requires hours and hours of practice, not to mention support from skilled compatriots like– hey, it’s natalie standiford and bennett madison!

that’s right, FYA got to have cocktails with two of our FAVORITE YA WRITERS. DREAM COME TRUE!!!! oh but natalie and bennett, if you’re reading this, i mean, you know, it was cool. i mean, we pretty much hang out with authors every day. so yeah.

*steps into another room and dances idiotically OMGGGG BEST NIGHT EVER!!!*

ahem, where was i? oh yes, being totally cool, calm and collected about the fact that jenny and i went on a pub crawl (literary, in fact! thanks, goodreads!) with the fabulous authors of how to say goodbye in robot and the blonde of the joke. and obvs it was AWESOME! we gossiped about the publishing industry and dished about our YA selves and high school boyfriends and GAH THEY ARE JUST THE GREATEST.

9. if possible, plan all of yr V. Important Business Meetings at bars. i guarantee that they will be the most ridiculous productive meetings you have ever had.

natalie has a new book coming out, “confessions of the sullivan sisters,” and she gave us a copy! so expect to see this little beauty v. soon:

to quote bennett: “that cover is SO gossip girl!”

and just when you thought this blog post was WAY too long and tangent-y, there’s a bonus feature! the book blogger convention (BBC)! sure, it’s no harry potter epilogue but i do want to share a few highlights.

first, at the BBC reception (thursday night), jenny and i finally got to meet kristi from the story siren!

kristi was one of the first sites that linked to FYA, and we are eternally grateful for her support. she also delivered one of my favorite quotes from the week, when she spotted as at the harper collins reception, pointed to our wine glasses and said, “i should’ve known you guys would be here!” ah kristi, you nancy drew, you! what gave us away?

the actual BBC was held on friday from 8:30-5, because apparently the organizers HATE FUN. i’ll let you guess how long i made it before i had to leave for the COCKTAIL PANEL. hint: it was after the pre-paid lunch, cos i’m cheap.

i have to admit, i didn’t realize how insular the book blogging community is! i mean, that’s not a bad thing, cos like any other group of fans, it’s great for bloggers to get together and be friends and nerd out and talk about twitter and why it’s a crime not to serve alcohol at a day-long convention (uh, that latter one may have just been me). but it’s like, this whole world i never really knew existed! and i would hope that FYA will have one foot in that community and one foot firmly rooted outside of it, esp. since our goal is to provide a shame-free zone for anyone and everyone to embrace their love of YA. just like high school, it’s easy to get wrapped up in a clique, and i want to make sure, to bring back the mean girls references, we’re like cady heron at the END of the movie, freely moving between groups (minus the obnoxious zen attitude). wait, i take that back. i just want us to be like damien because DANNY DEVITO I LOVE YR WORK.

anyhoo, stepping off the soapbox, let’s check back in with the BBC. the keynote speaker was maureen johnson, and she was as funny and rambley and this-close-to-trying-too-hard-but-not as i expected. here’s one of my fave moments of the speech, where she talks about law & order (RIP!) and how we shouldn’t be afraid of the internet.

oh and also, check out this painting that’s prominently featured at her high school back in philadelphia. that’s right, it’s nuns… getting shot into a mass grave by nazi soldiers. wheee!

ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE.

i honestly didn’t learn too much at the BBC (although i may or may not have been nursing a hangover), but the one thing that came as a surprise was this slide that popped up during the “blogging ethics” presentation:

wait, WHAT? there was a WAR? and we WON? and i didn’t even have to interrupt my busy YA-reading, cocktail-swilling schedule to take up my arms and fight?!! awesome.

the best part of the whole day (well, until the cocktail panel) was meeting lots of bloggers that i know online. i was particularly delighted to meet maggie, who stood up during a Q&A and told everyone that her favorite blog is FYA (SQUEE ATTACK) and little did she know that i was sitting right in front of her! i totally got to whip around and say, “so, you like our blog, huh?” y’all i almost felt like SANTA CLAUS. thinner, though. way thinner. just for the record.

i also indulged in a little YA snark session over lunch with angie from angieville…

… and lenore, an FYA commenter with a fantastic blog of her own!

unlike a match.com date, lenore in real life is even BETTER than her online personality. although she does have this weird hang-up with being in the foreground of a picture. in fact we should have a contest here on FYA: Who Can Find a Picture With Lenore in the Foreground? the prize will be LENORE’S UNENDING WRATH! hooray!

i already knew lenore was cool, but then she pulled out some GERMAN CHOCOLATE (she lives in germany). um BFF CHARM ADMINISTERED.

10. when you attend BEA, make friends with lenore, aka SOURCE OF CHOCOLATE.

note that the box of chocolate is in the foreground of the picture. weirdo!

after slipping out of the convention, i threw a little fiesta for myself to celebrate the end of a highly successful, new friend & book-filled week. and i invited my close friends, beer and cheese fries! let me tell you, these guys know how to party.

and thus ends the first FYA trip to BEA. i really wish they gave out yearbooks, though, cos i need closure you guys! and also validation in the form of meaningless notes with signatures! LYLAS!

rest assured that next year, WE SHALL RETURN! and in greater numbers (erin and meghan holla)! and ARMED WITH FLASKS.

most definitely flasks.

GATHER ROUND, KIDS! auntie sarah’s here to tell you about the field trip she and yr auntie jenny took to NYC for the gigantic clustercuss of nerdery known as the book expo of america. now can one of you sweethearts mix me up a nice adult beverage before i begin? yr auntie’s throat tends to get a bit parched during story time. ahem.

alright i’m gonna drop the auntie speak (but not my drink request! anyone? hello? does no one respect their elders anymore?). SO this being our first time and all, jenny and i were REALLY EXCITED. we had read a lot about BEA, and although we didn’t get v. many of our Extremely Urgent & Vital Questions answered, we did have an idea of what to expect. we knew there’d be lots of authors, lots of bloggers, lots of books and HOPEFULLY lots of open bars.

so… we were wrong about the latter. but in spite of that flaw in our strategery, turns out we are actually SUPER AWESOME at BEA. i am not even bragging you guys. i’m just trying to be real with you.

let’s start at the beginning, aka wednesday morning. here’s jenny and me in front of the javitz center around 8:30 AM. we did intentionally try to look dorky in this picture, but i didn’t realize we would succeed QUITE so much:

HEY MA LOOK WE’RE AT THE BOOK EXPO! IT’S FANCY!

it actually *is* pretty fancy. and also HUMONGOUS. here’s the entrance:

note the vladimir tod icon painted on the stairs. you better believe that shizz cost some serious $$$.

now, although i plan on writing a BEA advice entry for next year, i’ll still be shilling out some golden nuggets of wisdom throughout this post. here’s the first tip:

1. when the doors to the exhibition hall (where all of the booths & books are located) open at 9 AM, you should be positioned at the Closest & Cheapest Mimosa Possible.

that’s right, i’m saying that you should NOT BE IN THE JAVITZ CENTER AT ALL (note the “cheapest” clarification– they do have alcohol there but it’s like airport prices WHAT). because here’s what happens: the doors open, and crazy bag ladies run in and scoop up all of the books into their grocery carts (not a joke) and it is ABSOLUTE MAYHEM. i haven’t seen that many body slams and elbow jabs since the houston fugazi show in ’01. and at least those punks had the decency to say “sorry” sometimes. i mean, it was like a grocery store before a hurricane, but instead of batteries, people were foaming at the mouth over copies of the latest cassandra clare.

and while all of us at FYA love reading advanced copies cos it makes us feel superior (obvs we have a v. false sense of what superior means), jenny and i weren’t actually there to get lots of books. so instead we wandered around, taking in everything and dodging blows to the face and torso. after about an hour, things calmed a bit, but it was still pretty crazy, as you can see:

just think of the exhibition hall as a gigantic high school cafeteria, where the big publishing houses (the regina georges) rule the school with their gorgeousness and sleekness and bling. for example: penguin has a mini cooper! OMG I LOVE YR NOVEL WHERE’D YOU GET IT?

the regina georges are, of course, surrounded by the smaller presses (the plastics), who are trying really hard to impress everyone. a few of them, the cadys, actually succeed! pretty nice, right?

and then, of course, we have the freaks of the school. and just like damien and janis, they are TOTES my favorite. these booths don’t even try to pretend like they belong! their weirdness is on full display, like a WTF parade. YOU GO GLENN COCO. THROW ME SOME BEADS, GLEN COCO!

i know, right?!! if that’s the janis, then check out the damien, kris kringle!

yes, that is exactly what it looks like. a musical. about christmas. performed at hourly intervals in the lobby of BEA. even though i just explained it to you, I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

fortunately, the BEA cafeteria also features really nice people, including summer, a real live FYA commenter! summer asked us to come by her booth so we could take a picture together, which made jenny and i feel V. FAMOUS. however, the *real* celeb is summer, who, we discovered, GOT TO MEET SUZANNE COLLINS LAST YEAR cos she and her roomie made this totally fantastic hunger games video. SWEET HOLY RUE!!! way to make us feel way less cool, summer. p.s. WE LOVE YOU.

because we are supernerds, we arrived about half an hour early to our first panel of the day, “You’re Reading THAT?: Crossover YA/Adult Readers Come of Age,” which leads me to tip #2:

2. you don’t need to get to panels more than ten minutes in advance just to get good seats, because THIS ISN’T A LADY GAGA SHOW. and also because apparently book people really don’t like attention so no one sits in the front row. no one except suckups/people who like to pretend that the first row is VIP, i.e. jenny and me.

and guess who came and joined us in the VIP section front row? our new YA author bestie, natalie standiford! SHE IS THE GREATEST! but more on her later.

overall i enjoyed the panel, even though (or maybe because) i felt like all of the panelists sort of contradicted each other. lizzie skurnick, who wrote the “fine lines” series on jezebel and has therefore earned my eternal admiration because OMG SHE WROTE FOR JEZEBEL, spoke first, mostly about how she, like many teens, read lots of adults books and that no one should be ashamed of what they’re reading, regardless of age or book quality.

sitting next to her is jennifer bailey hunt, an editorial director for little, brown books for young readers. she spoke about how she believes authors should write to a specific audience, so if it’s a YA book, they should be writing to teens, not adults. i kind of agree, although i’d clarify that idea by saying i believe that YA authors should write to everyone’s *inner* teen.

i actually tried to be a responsible journalist and took notes on sadie (my phone) but accidentally left her at home today so… there goes my highly academic analysis! ha ha, just kidding, like that was ever going to happen! not just cos i’m lazy, but also cos nothing on the panel was particularly new or groundbreaking. still, it’s always a blast to watch libba bray (also on the panel) tell a story, so here’s one i captured for y’all about what happened when she, in the midst of writing her first YA book, went to the grocery store…

next up on the BEA schedule was our most highly anticipated event: THE COCKTAIL PANEL! starring YRS TRULY! showcasing DELICIOUS BEVERAGES!

3. ATTEND THE FYA COCKTAIL PANEL.

it took us a while to find it, meaning the javitz center is surrounded by a dry wasteland. after walking about seven blocks, we thankfully stumbled upon a pub and set up our presentation materials. COMMENCE PANEL!

sorry, official BEA events, but can any of yr presenters compare to my tall vodka soda? no. does any of yr swag beat this buttery gooey mass of mac & cheese? PLAYA PLEASE.

refreshed and replenished, jenny and i made our way back to the javitz center for the YA editor’s buzz panel, which we quickly discovered is a way for editors to shove lots of marketing down our throats. still, they all seemed nice, and jenny and i totes started swimfanning on the guy in this picture cos um guess what he edited? MOTHER EFFING HARRY POTTER. I KNOW!! i wanted to, like, kneel down and kiss his ring or some shizz.

that photo should also tell you that book people? not so much with the technology.

so here’s the books we heard about:

• plain kate: mr. superhero editor dished about this one, which is about a girl living in salem during the witch trials who is accused of being a witch. to save herself, she makes a deal with the devil and exchanges her shadow for a wish. or something.*
• infinite days: according to the editor, this isn’t yr typical vampire book because the heroine is a vampire who wants to be human! see? IT’S TOTALLY DIFFERENT YOU GUYS.
• the duff: kody keplinger wrote this when she was 17. because she wanted to make jenny and me fly into a jealous rage. “duff” stands for designated ugly fat friend, which is totally not what i thought it stood for? um?
• matched: MAN penguin has been pushing this book like fresh coke from colombia. still, i’m intrigued: set in a dystopian society (i know, i know) where everyone is matched by some sort of computer with their “perfect mate,” the heroine must figure out what the heck it means when the system matches her with her best friend and then suddenly changes its mind. and by computer system, i think they might mean: teenage hormones.
• firelight: the editor said it best. THIS IS A DRAGON ROMANCE Y’ALL (ok, she didn’t the “y’all” part). see, dragons have evolved to the point where they can look human, and the dragon girl falls in love with the dragon hunter. IRONY!!!!!!

*keep in mind this event happened immediately after the cocktail panel. so some of my details may be a bit fuzzy. or wrong. completely wrong.

after the panel, jenny noticed that the lady next to her had a copy of “firelight,” so she asked where she got it. when the woman offered the book and jenny politely refused, saying, “i don’t want to take yr book,” the woman replied, “oh no, it’s ok! i’m the author!” cue nervous laughter from sarah and jenny as they wondered if they had said literally laughed out loud at the “dragon romance” comment. thankfully, sophie jordan seemed really cool, so party foul or not, she agreed to take a picture with jenny:

note jenny’s expression, which i will translate for you: “OMG I AM SO GLAD I DIDN’T MAKE ANY CATTY COMMENTS JUST NOW.”

4. keep yr snarky comments to yrself. or, even better, save them for the cocktail panel!

in spite of the terrible marketing techniques of the editors (one read a quote from the back of the book that said something like, “this novel will appeal to all types of readers, from fans of twilight to fans of the hunger games!” UGH), i definitely wanted to get my grabby hands on all of these titles, so jenny and i headed over to the autograph area, where you can queue up and have the author actually give you a book (and sign it, obvs). we ran into our friend and NYC-roomie talya, who has got WAY more BEA skills than jenny or me. seriously. if even one copy of mockingjay exists, this girl would know how to get it. she’s like, the raider of the lost ARC (CUE LAUGH TRACK).

jenny and i ultimately ended up with all of the “buzzworthy” books, so you can expect reviews soonish. in fact, because you’ve been such good listeners, i’ll give you a sneak peak and tell you that i am not a fan of the duff. and not just cos i’m jealous of kody (promise! i *can* actually be profesh sometimes, in spite of what my wardrobe may tell you!)

after a brief nap (did i mention that we could barely sleep the night before? i’m talking Christmas Eve levels), we headed over to the book blogger reception hosted by harper collins, which had the most noble distinction of being the ONLY FREE OPEN BAR we encountered (read: were invited to) during BEA.

5. when harper collins, aka a regina george, asks you to come to their party, YOU GO TO THEIR PARTY. because not only will there be beverages, it will also totally elevate yr popularity status, just like a kegger in high school.

THANK YOU HARPER COLLINS. you know how to treat the ladies! and yes, we will now give everything you send us “eternal love” relationship status! ok that’s a lie, cos we’re actually *not* the school slut BUT we really did appreciate the endless supply of wine. plus it was great to actually talk to publishing people and realize THEY’RE JUST LIKE US. except they get paid for talking about books. and their HAIR IS FULL OF SECRETS.

so that, my dear FYAs, was our first day at BEA. i would say it was a pretty big success, considering that we:

1) didn’t sustain any life-threatening injuries from the crazed book collectors.
2) put on a highly successful Cocktail Panel.
3) attended a party hosted by one of the popular kids.

*and most importantly*

4) made friends in the caf!! like, people who let us sit with them! OMG! next stop: BFF CHARMS!

stay tuned for day 2, in which jenny and i drink more cocktails, make more friends and get voted prom queen! just kidding. y’all that takes YEARS of social manipulation, and we are no lindsay lohan (thank god). but we do totally win the mathlete “divvy up the drink tab” championships!

exactly one week from today, yr beloved FYAers posh d. and jenny will descend upon the clustercuss known as the book expo of america (BEA). AND WE ARE TOTALLY SPAZZING WITH EXCITEMENT! like 20 pixie stix level OMG!

BEA is like the book version of SXSW, except with less hipsters (which hopefully means less b.o. and sadly means less free PBR). it’s a three day literary love-fest for publishers, authors and book bloggers, and i hear that this year’s conference is gonna be the best one yet. why? um, cos FYA WILL BE IN THE HOUSE! HOLLA!

given that this is our first time, jenny and i basically have no idea what we’re doing, beyond hobnobbing with other book geeks and trying to grab as many free cocktails as possible. in other words, besides the things we do every day, we’re not sure where to start!

fortunately, there’s lots of experienced bloggers out there willing to share some advice. unfortunately, this is not the kind of advice we need. i mean, *obviously* it’s important to “wear comfortable shoes” and “bring a bag for all of the free books!” y’all, that’s child’s play. i’m looking for someone willing to answer the tough questions, like:

1. which parties will feature an open bar and how can we get in?

2. what’s the ideal method of approaching a widely-admired YA author without seeming like a creepy stalker?

3. how can you then ask said widely-admired YA author to come have a drink without yr inner swimfan scaring the crap out of them?

4. is it rude to tell a publisher, “look, i only want yr GOOD free books. none of this twilight knock-off shizz!”?

5. how can FYA score a multi-million dollar blog deal?

6. WHERE THE EFF CAN WE GET A COPY OF “MOCKINGJAY” FOR THE LOVE OF KATNISS?!!!!

so, if you’re reading this and you’re a BEA vet, please share yr wisdom with us! and rest assured that once FYA has this BEA under our (fashionable and sassy) belt, we’ll be shelling out the REAL advice for newbies next year.

for now, i’ve put together a loose plan that will hopefully be filled in with lots of happy hours, peeta vs gale debates and new bff-making:

WEDNESDAY DAY:

10-11: You’re Reading That!?! Crossover YA/Adult Readers Come of Age

2-3:30: AAP Annual Librarians Book Buzz

2-3:15: YA Editor Buzz Panel

4:30: Autographing Table: Steve Brezenoff

WEDNESDAY NIGHT:

6-8 PM Books of Wonder
Suspense, Magic & Romance for Teens and Tweens

7-9 PM Algonquin Hotel
Celebration of Book Bloggers

7-10 PM Powerhouse Books
Tweet Up

THURSDAY: DAY

9:30-10:30: Big Name Authors with Graphic Novels

2-3: YA Authors of YA Editor’s Buzz – Ally Condie, Rebecca Maizel, Kody Keplinger, Sophie Jordan, Erin Bow

2:30 Kirsten Miller at the Penguin Young Readers booth

THURSDAY NIGHT:

4-6 PM: Book Blogger Convention Reception

7 PM Goodreads Pub Crawl

yeah, you read that right. GOODREADS PUB CRAWL! rest assured i will use all of my powers to make sure we end up at a karaoke joint by the end of the night.

i actually think i’m most excited about the “You’re Reading That!?!” panel, since it’s all about what we do here on le blog. in fact– wait, why are WE not talking on this panel? um PARTY FOUL. ok, well, besides the suspicious absence of a FYA representative, it still sounds amazing:

***

How can booksellers and librarians supply the interests of their teenage customers yet stay connected with that crucial 18-35 year olds demographic—the ones who still read and buy YA titles in great numbers? The recent success of Little Brown’s Twilight Series highlights the need for industry professionals to be proactive in supplying fresh and fascinating titles for this burgeoning market.

Opening speaker: Lizzie Skurnick, the Fine Lines columnist for Jezebel.com, has written on books and culture  for the New York Times Book Review, NYT Sunday Styles, the LA Times, NPR.org, The Washington Post and more.  Her blog, Old Hag, was a Forbes Best of the Web pick. The author of Shelf Discovery: The Teen Classics We Never Stopped Reading (Harper), Skurnick has also written titles in the Sweet Valley, Love Stories and Alias series. Response Panelists: Libba Bray, the 2010 Printz Award winning author of Going Bovine and the crossover favorite Gemma Doyle Trilogy (Random House); Ellen Loughran, Visiting Associate Professor at Pratt SILS (YA Literature and Services), has served on the ALA/YALSA Printz and Alex Award Committees as well as ALA’s Notable Books Council; Jennifer Bailey Hunt, Editorial Director, Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, has guided the publication of numerous YA crossover mega successes. Hosted by Barbara A. Genco, Editor, Collection Management, Library Journal.

***

I KNOW, RIGHT?! jezebel’s fine lines?!!! libba bray?!!

i should also mention that there’s a lot of non-YA stuff going on at BEA, a fact i am reminded of daily by emails from publishers. here’s a brilliant example:

Inked from head to toe, Guinness World Record-holder Julia Gnuse is the Most Tattooed Woman in the world.  Since 1991, Gnuse has covered 95% of her body with tattoos using the same artist for every design. At the show, Gnuse will showcase her record setting-body for attendees.

BOOK NERDS GONE WILD, Y’ALL!

make sure you follow us on twitter for drunken exciting updates, and rest assured we’ll be documenting the highlights (and shameful acts of swimfannery) here on FYA once BEA is over.

wish us luck*!

p.s. if you’re going, let’s geek out together! email us and we’ll set up a V. Important Business Meeting, location TBA (The Bar Area).

*free cocktails

as you may have heard, friday was pretty much the most important holiday of the year (ok, well, tied with Mockingjay Release Day). that’s right, y’all, it was my birthday!!! and you know what that means! i’m now older and way more mature. PSYCHE! it means lots of cocktails and tasty business! and 2010 bonus: jenny came down from boston! OMG FYA REUNION! cue the squealing and incessant hunger games references!

no seriously. we talked about hunger games a LOT. esp. after a few beverages. and there was definitely some FYA strategery going on, so be on the look out for some new developments round these parts!

but anyway, back to what’s important: my birthday! there was lots of eating!

i don’t know if you guys are aware, but i am v. good at this.

and true to form, a lot of consuming of delicious beverages!

btw, that’s george, jenny’s husband. he reads YA because he is awesome. and also because jenny maybe forces him to.

and then there was MORE drinking. ON A BOAT!!!!

i know, right? i have this whole thing about pretending to be rich. if you’ve never tried it, you should. i mean, look how much fun we’re having BEING RICH!!!

and you know it wouldn’t be a good weekend without some EXTREME KARAOKE. here’s me and henri singing our acclaimed duet to ‘n sync’s “gone,” complete with the patented henri emotional justin timberlake breakdown.

during one of the most crowd-pleasing moments of the evening, all of the girls sang “under the sea.” apparently jenny was channeling katniss cos LOOK AT THIS PICTURE. TOTES FIERCE!!!!!!!!

that is not a tribute you want to mess with. she’s practically a career.

the most FYA-centric event of the weekend occurred late saturday night, when henri challenged jenny to an arm wrestling competition. but this was no ordinary arm wrestling competition, oh no son! as soon as it began, we realized that henri and jenny weren’t just fighting to prove who has superior guns. they were fighting for the v. honor of peeta and gale!!!! at least, that’s what henri decided right after it started…

pretty anticlimactic, right? it seems the arm wrestling competition resulted in the same conclusion as our FYA debate: THERE IS NO WINNER EXCEPT FOR KATNISS. because she’s the only one that gets to be with either peeta or gale. and because she would kick the shizz out of anyone in an arm wrestling match.

my favorite part of that whole video is at the :30 mark (counting down, not up) when jenny says, “but i’m team gale!”

all in all, it was an absolutely fabulous birthday weekend, and i felt so lucky to live in austin and be surrounded by deliciousness and have such great friends, esp. ones like jenny, who never gets tired of my YA references (and who bought me a pink “Mrs. Peeta Mellark” t-shirt WHAT WHAT!!!!).

So I just got back from spending Christmas and New Years in LONDON!!!!! Huzzah!  It was the best trip ever, and I think I was a pretty good force for UK/USA relations.

While I was there, I (obviously) had to visit the Dickens Museum, and guess what? It’s actually in HIS old house!  I felt like I was absorbing literary genius through my pores.

This is where my friend Lindsay and I went ON Christmas Day.  How much more Christmassy can you get than spending the day at Charles Dickens’ house? We tried on costumes:

and ate mince pies and drank hot mulled wine! Yum!

The whole time I was there, I kept thinking, “Are there no prisons? And the union workhouses, are they still in operation?” because I can tend to be a little Scroogy.  Then I saw this:

Yeah, pretty awesome.

We stayed in a hostel for the first few nights, and although their were no Londoners there, because they were all home with their families, we met a lot of nice travelers who wanted to do one thing: party. Not being much of a partier, I imagined myself as Katniss, adjusting to life in the Capitol before the big games. I didn’t have anyone making me fancy dresses, but I DID go shopping at Top Shop, and we met this very enthusiastic French boy who taught every one at the hostel how to salsa dance!

It was kind of like being at a boarding school, except nobody spoke the same language, so there weren’t any mean cliques. And conversation took a while.

Then we moved into this awesome house where we were cat sitting (translation: staying for free!) and we started seeing more of the “insider’s” London.  We ate breakfast:

Don’t knock it ’till you’ve tried it.

We saw the sites, and there are many.  Seriously, you’re on the 29 bus heading into Soho through this little suburb, and you look out the window, and it’s like: hey, a castle!

We also went to this AWESOME little pub called the 12 Bar, where local musicians play, and this awesome band, Backbeat, was playing 60′s rock.  They were really good, and it turns out they are a group of actors just cast in a play about the early days of the Beatles! One of them became our new friend, and helped us out with tips, such as which buses are free. After many adult beverages, he said,  ”Wow, you girls seem really funny and witty, no offence, but we don’t really think of Americans as being… smart.” We took that how it was intended, as a compliment, and were like, “Thank us later, USA.”

While we were traveling, I couldn’t help but notice that London is a very well-ordered, polite society. Kind of like the futuristic books where everything is perfect, but without the creepy things-are-not-what-they-seem-part. Example:

Stand on the right.  That way people who want to walk, can.  It’s so easy. Why didn’t we think of that?

Most of the rest of the trip was spent in amazing museums, marveling at the history and art and crown jewels that exist in a country that is more than a couple of hundred years old. Then on New Year’s Eve, we headed to Shoreditch, which is where one of my favorite television show characters, Vince Noir, is from!

Let me tell you, people in London LOVE New Years!  There were so many costumes and celebrations, it was hard to choose where to go.  These nice guys helped us decide.

So we rang in the new year at an intergalactic party from the future! Everybody was so nice and happy and intoxicated that they kept giving us pieces of their costumes:

All in all, it was a great start to 2010, and I can’t wait to go back!