Last night, Jenny and Erin made a GREAT SACRIFICE for FYA.  That’s right, we watched the Teen Choice Awards.  Yes.  FOR YOU GUYS.  You can pay us back in champ cans.

ANYWAY, we thought we were going to be very clever and just cut and paste our Facebook chat in and call it a day, but Facebook is SATAN’S SOCIAL NETWORK and deleted a good 2/3 of our chat.  Which was hilarious, by the by, and featured, amongst other things, gentle snarking of Henri’s shoe obsession.

So, because our chat was lost, we’re going to attempt to recreate parts of it by explaining our reactions to things happening on the screen.  Step inside, won’t you?

Early on in the program, we realized we were definitely going to need more alcohol to make it through. So, we did what we do, i.e. created a drinking game.  There were only four rules.  That was all we needed.

Drink anytime:

• you want to throw something at Katy Perry.
• you say, ” . . . who?” in response to an introduction of a person or band
• you want to change the channel
• they mention Justin Beiber

Yep, that was it!  It was all we needed!  In fact, if you’re playing along at home, allow us to help you out a little:

drink

drink!

DRINK SOME MORE! DRINK ALL OF THE DRINKS! STOP TOUCHING KURT!

Anyway, we digress.  Join us for some thoughts and feelings about the 2010 Teen Choice Awards!!

Sandy and Betty getting down

Jenny: I want to be Betty White.  And since I’m already getting dotty, maybe my wish will come true v.v. soon.

Erin:  I want to be old and crotchety.  That way when I say rude things to people, they’ll just think I’m cute.

Erin: Is it wrong if I confess that I watch the shit out of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, and all other Kardashian-related ventures?  I shamelessly love them.  Particularly Khloe.  She’s like the Jolly Sarcastic Giant.

zac efron does something

Erin: I’m going to need Zac Efron to stop looking like that.  I do not need to start liking Zac Efron.

Jenny: Um, yeah, I have never, ever, ever found him attractive. Until this moment.  Is it sad that I kind of want him to grow that mustache a bit more and start looking like a gay porn star?

PACEY!!!!!!!!!

Erin:  PACEY!! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEEEEYYY!!!  Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop.

Justin Bieber dressed as astronaut

Jenny: Oh, Justin Bieber! I thought they were saying Beaver-Fever… which was way racier than I would have thought the teen choice awards to be.

Erin: I thought his whole thing was that he was supposed to be a good singer?  Wasn’t that the thing?  He sounds . . . horrible.

Jenny: Yeah, my dog could hit those notes.  And she’s cuter. Case in point:

I could have put up a picture of her as a puppy, but you all would have been blinded by the cuteness. Even here, cold and wet, she beats Bieber hands down!

(I suppose I could be biased, however.)

we thought the bottles might be boone's farm

Jenny: They have to be.  That’s the only way they got people to come to this thing!

the only vampires we like

Jenny: Ian Somerhalder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I love you Damon!!!

we dubbed this person yoko

Jenny: Drink!

Erin: Go back to living off your dead husband’s legacy, Yoko, NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE.

money is falling from the SKY

Erin: This!  Was a song I knew!  When he grows up, he wants to be a miiillionaaaaire.  Me too, guy!  Me too!

Now for the part Facebook didn’t delete!

8:24pm Erin:

did edward cullen just a) dis twilight and then b) diss nicholas sparks?

8:25pm  Jenny:

yes, i think maybe he did. crap, i’m not taping it, so i cant rewind!
8:25pm Erin

edward cullen, i’m back to thinking of you as Cedric Diggory!

8:26pm Jenny
oh cedric. i loved you. in the movie, only

8:26pm Erin
yeah, he was a dick in the book
you know who I miss? oliver wood. that guy was hot

8:27pm Jenny
okay, no, he didn’t dis nicholas sparks, it was nicholas mumblemumble, whoever wrote or directed remember me

8:28pmErin
oh
well, then, i don’t like you as much, edward

8:30pm Jenny
drink!

8:30pm Erin
why is katy perry dressed like me circa 1993?
DON’T TOUCH MY PUCK!!

(now there is some stuff about choice country singer or something, and emma roberts was introduced as a country singer)
emma roberts is a country singer now?

(william moseley appears to hand out an award)

PEETA!!!!!!

8:30pm Jenny
who WROTE this!
aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Peeta!!!!

8:31pmErin
PEETA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?

8:31pm Jenny
yeah, wait a second! I retract that scream
cut your hair peeta!

8:31pmErin
it’s okay, he’ll have to cut it before going in the arena

8:32pm Jenny:
and WHY is he presenting a country music award?

8:32pm Erin
i am like 98% sure martina mcbride has been nominated every year for this thing

(taylor swift wins favorite country singer.  the world reacts with overwrought surprise.)

taylor's acceptance video, on which she surfs in a lake

8:32pm Jenny
of course she did

8:32pmErin
oh, emma roberts, you can’t hide that hatred!
gosh she’s pretty. i hate her. but she’s so pretty

8:33pm Jenny
i know
aawww, that was kind of cute

8:34pm Erin
she actually wasn’t bad in valentine’s day (which clearly i did not watch in theatres.) she should just be an actress and never sing

chuck and sarah are slumming it

i really don’t understand the yoko thing
but chuck!

8:34pm jenny
or as i like to call him, clark kent

beckham wins something about being an athlete. who cares! take off your kit!

8:36pm Jenny
is david beckham still playing?

8:36pm Erin
i think he’s injured?

8:36pm Jenny
aww, he’s got his kids!
take off your shirt?

8:37pm Erin
awwww, they’re cute

8:37pm Jenny
I meant !!!!

8:37pm Erin
yes, please!

8:42pm Jenny
so this is almost over, and i feel like it never even started

8:42pm Erin
what have we learned, jenny?

cat deeley! twitch! unfortunate katy perry-shaped person in the foreground!

Cat! Twitch!

8:43pm Jenny
aawww

8:43pm Erin
i love me some cat deeley. even when she was in england and dressed like a lesbian. actually, more then

8:43pm Jenny
we’ve re-learned that we love alcohol

8:43pmErin
we have
i had forgotten it for a second

8:43pm Jenny
yeah, i like her better less-glam

8:43pm Erin
KE$HA! NO!!!

8:44pmJenny
lady gaga!!!!!
wtf?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is stupid

8:44pmErin
i think this was how they got her to host?

8:44pmJenny
even teenagers should know that lady gaga is better than katy

8:45pmErin
why is she dressed like this?
twitch is upset

8:45pmJenny
supposedly, it’s one of the glee boys fantasy’s

8:45pmErin
who are these people?

8:45pmJenny
who? drink!

(p.s. UPDATE: we now know it was Diddy, but, like, lighting was dim.)

8:46pmErin
lady gaga is too scary for the non-LGBT teens

8:48pmJenny
i want to see the audience doing this dance

8:48pmErin
there’s so very much going on on this stage

8:51pmJenny
and none of it is very good

8:52pmErin
we need an FYA dance

8:52pmJenny
yes we do!!!

8:52pmErin
i could totally choreograph one

8:52pmJenny
awesome!
Then we could film it at the slumber party!

8:53pmErin
i want a drinking game everytime i have to see an eat. pray. love. preview
it took so much to avoid the book, and now i have to avoid the movie too?

8:54pm Jenny
whoah, edward cullen likes the guy from the office
jake should never have long hair

8:55pm Erin
never ever.
kstew didn’t win anything, did she?

8:56pm Jenny
nope!

8:59pm Jenny
well.
that’s over

8:59pm Erin
oh, it’s over
so. that was a thing
i like how we are now going over the “highlights”
that just happened

And that’s that, folks!  Did you watch the Teen Choice Awards?  What’d you think?  Are you also vaguely attracted to Zac Efron now?  ISN’T IT SCARY??

you guys!!! YOU GUYS!!!! we got interviewed by the huffington post! EXTRY EXTRY READ ALL ABOUT IT!

i want to apologize in advance for the kanye caps in this post but SPAZZFEST OF THE CENTURY!!!!! also speaking of kanye, WE’RE FAMOUS NOW WHERE’S OUR FUR PILLOW?

seriously we are TREMENDOUSLY indebted to the fabulous ms. rebecca serle, aka the greatest journalist of all time, aka invited to our slumber parties 4 LIFE. she’s totally the cat’s jimjams, and we had a blast being interviewed by her. rebecca, we’re totes giving you a BFF charm, PLATINUM EDITION. LU!!!!

if you’re already a member of our little FYA community, i hope you’ll check out the article and give it some comment love so we can feel really good about ourselves. and if you’re new to the site, mix up a cocktail and make yrself at home! seriously, we’ll even let you put yr feet on the furniture and use the last of the toilet paper. THAT’S how glad we are that you stopped in for a visit (you didn’t happen to bring a cheese plate and a bottle of wine, did you? no? that’s ok).

you best believe we’re popping some champers at FYA HQ tonight!!! now, cue up the “sudden ascent to fame” montage featuring a shopping spree, fancy pants spa treatments, hollywood parties and taylor kitsch falling in love with me and ROLL IT.

IMPORTANT PARTY UPDATE: if you RSVP on the FB event page, you get a champ can*!!! FOR REAL. YOU ARE SO LUCKY.

y’all, it is HIGH TIME for us to get together in real life and celebrate our love of YA with some actual cocktails. i mean, i’m all about toasting things on twitter and commenting it up on our site, but i want to see yr real faces, not just yr avatars! not to mention drink some real alcohol, none of this “virtual cocktail” shizz! and what greater excuse to throw our first FYA party then the RELEASE OF MOCKINGJAY!!! HOLY HAYMITCH!

we’ve been feverishly discussing it in the caf, and now we are thrilled to announce some official deets for the first in what we hope will be many, many years of FYA TaleGating (GET IT?!!).

The Deal:

first and foremost, if you actually want to get your copy at midnight, you MUST buy it ahead of time from bookpeople. you can pre-purchase it in person, over the phone or online. go here for more info. i repeat, YOU CANNOT BUY A BOOK AT MIDNIGHT. if you even try, you’ll get taken down faster than a district 10 tribute during the first minute of the games.

now that we got that serious business out of the way, here’s what you can expect:

• FYA Hunger Games, featuring a cornucopia of Nerf weapons!
• Cupcake Decorating, a blend of Peeta’s favorite things!
• Spazzing Out with yr fave FYAers!
• Swilling Cocktails (byob, y’all. no glass!)
• Something Else Amazing we’ll probably think of at the last minute so it will a surprise! YAY!

so if you live anywhere near** austin, RSVP on our new facebook page (HELLO FREE CAN OF CHAMPERS) and prepare yr pants for some serious talegating action!

p.s. hey august 23, GET YR ASS OVER HERE.

*you gotta be 21 or over to get the camp can. OBVS. y’all we may be fabulous but we’re not above the law (yet).

**near = 1,000 mile radius, obvs. cos it will be THAT awesome.

everyone knows that the high school cafeteria is THE place to get the scoop, not to mention a really greasy slice of pizza. want the 411 on the latest break-up? jump in the food line. need to over-analyze the body language of yr fave mysterious loner dude? grab a seat at yr favorite table! and if you’re really lucky, maybe a fight will break out five minutes before the bell!

well, here at FYA, we’ve decided that we are sorely in need of our v. own cafeteria, a place we can go to freely gossip about YA and dish on our fave books and characters. so today, we are v. pleased to officially welcome you to our new forums, aka THE CAF! OMG I KNOW!!

that’s right, you now have even MORE opportunities to waste time on our site (and more excuses to throw back a few cocktails, obvs). we’ve already set up a few forums, including the relocated suggestion box, to get the talky talk going, but we hope y’all will use the caf for any YA topic you want to gab about. just like a regular high school lunch room, we expect it to be a bit of a clustercuss, but that’s exactly why forums are awesome– you can choose which discussions you want to follow and then opt out whenever you feel like it (or tangent yr pants off).

honestly, we have no idea what exactly will happen in the caf, but that’s kinda the point, right? so check it out (you can always access it from the top of our site), find a table and CONVO IT UP!

now someone hand me a bottle of champers so i can christen this place properly.

p.s. if you don’t already have an icon, we recommend getting one from gravatar. it’ll show up in yr comments AND in the caf, so you can be an INDIVIDUAL. just like all of the other teenagers!

in order to register for awards consideration for book blogger appreciation week, we had to publish a list of five posts that best represent our site. after receiving insanely nice feedback (seriously, i want to kiss all of yr faces! and i’m a total germphobe so that’s saying a lot), we got together in a little online huddle and came up with the following list. honestly, we had a tough time limiting ourselves to only five entries, but then we had a few drinks and realized that our lives are actually incredibly easy, esp. compared to say, katniss, and seriously, WHEN are they gonna start filming that movie and OMG MOCKINGJAY IS COMING OUT SOON WE NEED TO PLAN A PARTY IMMEDIATELY AND ARCHERY MUST BE INVOLVED.

ah… as you can see, we are a v. focused group of professional bloggers. who really want to be appreciated. so here’s the list!

The Sweet Valley High Drinking Game

Find Your Hunger Games Name!

How to Judge a YA Book By Its Cover

Book Report: The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks

Book Report: Will Grayson, Will Grayson

so apparently at the mtv movie awards last night, sandra bullock kissed scarlett johansson and twilight won a bunch of awards and WHO CARES BECAUSE THERE IS A NEW HARRY POTTER TRAILER OMGGGGGG.

given the global and cultural importance of this trailer, we here at FYA decided to give it our usual scientific treatment, where we analyze every little detail and offer our typical intellectual insight because IT’S HARRY MOTHERCUSSING POTTER.

let us begin our study with a viewing, shall we? (sorry it’s a little large for our site. but the magnification is ideal for research purposes!)

now that we’ve all viewed the subject, i’d like to report my first response, as a scientist:

AUUUGGGGHOMGGGGGAUUUUUGHHHHHAOMGEEEEEEEEAUUGHHH.

now that i’ve gotten that general summary out of the way, let’s break it down to the salient points:

PRETTY!!!!

HEDWIG! SOB! dang, trailer, that’s just cold.

i wish that part had been in slow motion, like how they do in action movies with AC/DC or ZZ top playing in the background. BADASS WIZARDS Y’ALL.

LORD! VOLDEMORT! and i mean the lord in an exclamation way, not a title. isn’t there, like, a spell that can fix yr nose? i mean, if hermione can do it, i’m pretty sure the dark lord can handle it. just sayin’.

i can see that ron is hurt, but HERMIONE WHERE DID YOU GET THAT GORGEOUS COAT?

UM AWKWARD.

whoah, wait. is that a STACHE i see? nice ron. well done.

did anyone else… ok nevermind. um anyway what about those eyebrows, huh?

hermione, where did you learn that fashion spell and HOW CAN I MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN IN MY CLOSET?

dude, ron, that was way harsh. also check out hermione’s scarf! who knew there were hipster wizards? imagine all of the american apparel that’s been hiding underneath those cloaks…

BEST. SCENE. EVER. i remember reading that part for the first time and thinking, “i cannot WAIT to see this on the screen.” in other words, there better not be any ghetto CGI up in here! studio, y’all best respect the rowling!

HOLY SHIZZ.

did anyone else think of “new moon” during this part? anyone? as a scientist i felt the need to disclose my reaction, no matter how heinous. that’s because i have ethics. and also because i’ve played the new moon drinking game a dozen times.

where exactly in the book is this movie gonna stop? the end is gonna make me mad, isn’t it? ISN’T IT? DAMN YOU WARNER BROTHERS.

thus ends my scientific report. subject was viewed, evaluated and declared to be AWESOME. in a totally excruciating way obvs cos WHEN WILL IT BE NOVEMBER 19TH?!! probably never. SIGH.

i now invite my fellow scientists to share the results of their research in the comments! intellectualize away!

i know this blog is about young adult BOOKS, but really, how many FYAers DON’T also love teen movies? i don’t know whether it’s the midwinter slump, or the relief over finally finishing unpacking the new house or my colossal run of bad luck picking a new YA book to fall in love with, but lately i’ve been more interested in the breakfast club than a book club. from rebel without a cause elvis, to grease and heathers, to clueless to mean girls, teen movies have a respectable history and now that oscar movie season is over, it’s about time to start seeing some teen movies hitting the theaters. click to see what’s in store for 2010 …

i’ll start with the total obvs. twilight and harry potter 7.1 (not necessarily in that order in my book …)

twilight (june 30)

OMG edward’s back and he luvs me but so does jacob and now the werewolves are fighting the vampires! oh, my life sux and is so hard. i just want to be a vampire and be with edward but still have jacob be my slave forever blah blah.

official trailer’s not out, but there are some srsly awesome fan trailers (both for realz and for lolz) out there. check out this (more or less serious) one:

harry potter 7.1 (nov. 19)

umm … HARRY POTTER!! yeah, i’ll totally be watching this one.

all the rest — and some of them don’t star michael cera!!

before i start, what is the DEAL with michael cera? i mean, he’s in EVERYTHING, and he’s totally not who i picture for 99% of the dudes in books i read. he’s not a bad actor, and he’s pretty good for some parts, but jeez. not everything. so what’s the deal? is he cheap? is hollywood totally lacking in creativity? (wait … don’t answer that one.) anyway, i’ll probably go to any of these that DON’T star michael cera. just to support other actors. cos can you imagine in 20 years what’ll happen if no young actors are still out there but michael cera and rpatz?  *shudder*.

in chronological order (when there’s an actual release date) …

youth in revolt (out now, michael cera alert)

michael cera plays … well, michael cera in all his other movies. that, and a michael-cera-ish tyler durden.

beastly (july 30)

neil patrick harris! an olsen twin! alex pettyfer (he was in those alex rider british movies … just trust me) based on alex flinn’s novel retelling of beauty and the beast.

it’s kind of a funny story (november)

clinically depressed craig checks himself into an adult psychiatric ward.

the lost girls (TBA)

ok, so this movie has no release date or cast, but it’s produced by breakfast club’s producer michelle manning, and based on the synopsis i found on the movie insider, it’s going to be AWESOME. based on a book by alex mcaulay called bad girls, which i must go read now.

“A group of privileged female teen troublemakers attend a reform school in the Bahamas and are sent on a nature hike, but things turn dangerous and they must fight for their lives.”

umm … reform school? the bahamas? nature hikes gone bad?? i’m so there.

if i stay (???)

directed by catherine hardwicke of twifame. mia is struggling with the choice between going to julliard to study music and staying in oregon near her hot emo-punk boyfriend, when a car accident leaves her with one choice — live or die. y’all, i’m not sure if i can handle this movie. the book was rough enough, and i’m afraid of what’ll happen in hardwicke’s hands. also, they’re talking about casting michael cera as the boyfriend. dude.is.not.hot.

emma (???)

produced by chris bender (american pie, the hangover), this is jane austen’s story retold as an INNER-CITY MUSICAL. do i need to say more?

scott pilgrim vs. the world (TBA, michael cera alert)

based on the comic book series by bryan lee o’malley. michael cera is in a garage band and has to fight his dream girl’s ex-boyfriends to win her over (i just keep thinking about garth algar and his dream woman in wayne’s world). BUT it’s directed by edgar wright (shaun of the dead, hot fuzz)

before this entry begins, i want to apologize to my reputation for the damage i’m about to inflict upon it. up to this point, i’ve maintained a semblance of cool (maybe? a little bit? no? ok) but now? let me introduce you to Swimfan Sarah.

cos i’m about to rock out with my nerd out. all over the internets.

so, this past weekend, my mom and i journeyed to the state capitol for the texas book festival, which is like renfest for bookworms (thankfully, there’s no chainmail involved). i’d never actually attended the festival before, but this year, there was a panel of YA authors including libba bray and…  sara zarr WHAT WHAT!!!!! yeah, she’s just the author of ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS EVER, aka “sweethearts” aka cameron quick aka WILL YOU MARRY ME?

because i am a super spazz, we arrived about an hour early for the panel. not only that, but we were the first ones in line, which is really shameful when you’re at a festival of nerds. i mean, seriously. that’s just sad.

but WHATEVS! i didn’t care cos i was about to see some v. successful YA authors LIVE AND IN PERSON! and they were going to talk! about books! sweet fancy moses hold me down!!!

when the panelists finally walked in, i turned to mom and excitedly whispered, “sara zarr looks EXACTLY like her book jacket picture!” and my mom just sweetly nodded, cos she’s my mom, so she can’t say what everyone else would say, which is, “SIMMER DOWN SWIMFAN. simmer down.”

as expected, the panel totally BROUGHT IT. libba bray is deliciously crazycakes in person (again, no surprise), while sara’s got this really great, dry sense of humor. i wasn’t familiar with the third author, jessica lee anderson, but she instantly won me over when she followed up sara and libba’s singing (yes, there were spontaneous bursts of song) by simply stating, “TEQUILA!” um, yeah. i need to publish a YA novel ASAP just so i can hang out with these party people.

it was really interesting (and inspiring) to hear about how these three authors take their passion and make it happen, everything from how they got their agent to how they sit down and *write* to how they tell characters good-bye when it’s time to move on (i really canNOT grasp how sara zarr said good-bye to cameron. like, if i were her, i’d all snotty and crying like a baby and shrieking, “come baaaack!” while pathetically running after cameron’s car as he frantically drives away).

here are two of my favorite things that sara said, *obvs paraphrased* cos i didn’t like whip out a recorder or anything (i’m not THAT cray of a swimfan):

on her writing process:

sometimes i start to think that my first book is the only good thing i’ve ever written, and i’ll never be able to write something that good again, and then i just lie down on the kitchen floor in a fetal position and cry until my husband gets home and tells me to get over it. but… uh… i wouldn’t really recommend that as a writing process.

on what motivates her:

i’m really motivated by negative emotions. like, i want to prove something to the people i went to high school with. or i don’t want my editor to hate me.

needless to say, WATCH OUT SARA ZARR, cos you’ve got a big fat BFF charm coming yr way!

it’s unfortunate that i didn’t actually have one on hand, cos I GOT TO TALK TO HER AFTER THE PANEL!!! ok, well, maybe that’s fortunate. i mean, for my chances of looking like a halfway sane person.

and guess what? when i told her who i was, SHE HUGGED ME!!!! SARA ZARR HUGGED ME!!! see, i kind of, um, maybe, comment on her blog. sometimes. and also maybe i’ve replied to a few of her tweets, esp. those concerning a certain future husband of mine named mark ruffalo. and yeah, ok, i sent her a few restaurant recommendations for austin cos i believe v. strongly that everyone should have equal access to tasty business. but it’s not like i staked out any of those places. or, you know, even thought about doing that. at all.

anyway! we took a picture together! look it’s like we’re friends!

i was trying to keep that crazed swimfan glint out of my eye for photogenic purposes.

but YAY! best YA day ever!! and now sara knows me! kind of! and we can be internet friends!! until she finds this post and totally gets creeped out! hurrah!

i can’t WAIT for jenny and me to go to bookweek next year so we can have this kind of experience MULTIPLE TIMES. and also so we can build up FYA’s reputation in the literary community, of course.*

*by build up, i mean, people will see us and say, “swimfan alert!” as they rapidly walk in the opposite direction.

In today’s news of Twilight WTFery, Forks, Washington is going to open a Twilight restaurant.  Because the world just cannot resist pissing me off.

I read about this on Jezebel this morning, and in the comments, people brought up a good point: no matter how offensive this is to morally-centered humans and particularly sentient slugs, Forks is a town that needs all the economic help it can get, and if a bunch of Twi-hards want to fork over (thanks, I’ll be here all night) their parents’ hard-earned cash in tourist dollars, va bene.

So, with that in mind, I have come up with other Twilight-themed attractions for Forks, WA.  Tourism Council of Forks, I expect to be thanked with a souvenir thimble, spoon and refrigerator magnet.

Cullen Family Zip Line Tours- Soar over the majestic North Pacific rain forest in this exciting zip line tour!  Go from 0 to 85 as you lift from the ground to a neighboring towering treetop, as if by diluted and unimpressive magic!

Forks High School Bumper Cars – Unlike traditional, “vanilla” bumper cars, the exciting Forks edition will allow you to bump into cars with your own body. Thrill as you compete amongst your friends to see who can create the most Edwardian dent in the side of a beat-up truck.

Tide Pool Discovery Tour with Werewolf Guide – For the ecologist in every family (hint!  that’s the one that isn’t going to get laid any time soon!), this guided tour offers a look at the miraculous microcosms created by a receding tide*.  Your Authentic Werewolf Guide will show you all the best barnacles and snails, as well as randomly hit a growth spurt in the middle of your tour, bulk up to someone vaguely resembling Bruce Banner, and then start going on about his new country-singer girlfriend.  (Note: Tours during the full moon are half-price.)

Vampire Baseball- Take in a bit of Forks’ oldest sporting tradition, Vampire Baseball.  Cheer on your favorite team, the Forks Fangs, during the first few innings, as they play a form of baseball which in no way resembles the actual game.  Then, get ready for audience participation as the game goes unexpectedly south in the 4th inning and you are forced to be mauled by the visiting team.

Do you have any ideas for the Forks Tourism Board?  Answer in comments below!

* this reminds me; there is a Sweet Valley High book in which Jessica and Winston Egbert are stranded on an island!  There were tide pools in that book, too, but it was far more entertaining.

ok, so before i get into this post, let’s all agree on something:

film adaptations of books are never as good as the original material.

sure, there’s some exceptions, but overall, that’s pretty much a fact. ok? ok.

now that we’ve all signed that treaty, i am free to say that I STILL GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT MOVIES BASED ON MY FAVORITE BOOKS! MUHAHAA i tricked you guys!! suckas! wait, what? you used invisible ink on the treaty? DANG IT.

seriously, though, i really do turn into a total spazz about film adaptations. even though i KNOW it can turn out really, really badly (please, no one bring up “time traveler’s you-know-who” or i will have to go lie down and never finish this entry). i can’t help it! i love watching scenes imagined in my head played out with a million dollar budget and really good looking people. cos sometimes money makes things better than the imagination can. that’s right I SAID IT (all of my teachers just collectively rolled in their graves, and most of them aren’t actually dead yet).

i can still remember my EXTREME EXCITEMENT when i found out that the babysitters club was gonna be a movie. i went straight to my neighborhood walden books (holla!) and purchased the book-based-on-the-movie-based-on-the-book, complete with cast pictures! and i was in high school, y’all! woo-hoo!

that movie obvs turned out to be extremely heinous, the only redeeming quality being rachel leigh cook playing mary anne cos she’s so pretty! ok and also i had a super crush on austin o’brien (whatever happened to that guy? wait he was on an ep of “bones”?! how did i miss that?) so i approved his casting as logan in spite of his horrible, HORRIBLE “louisville” accent.

ok, so i’m not exactly proving my point here.

wait, yes i am. cos i WAS excited. until i saw the movie.

in a similar vein (yeah, hand me another shovel!), i was ECSTATIC when “how to deal” came out, since it was a combo of two books by sarah dessen (LIGHT OF MY LIFE). more importantly, it starred MANDY MOORE (OTHER LIGHT OF MY LIFE) who i pretty much cast in every single YA book i read because she is just SO GREAT and um let’s not forget about PERSON-MOST-LIKELY-TO-NEED-TO-BE-MY-CRAZY-AUNT, allison janney!!!!

everything about this movie was PERFECT… except the movie itself. d’oh. there was just something *off* about it that left me feeling really unsatisfied as the credits rolled.

i do have to say, though, i *still* covet mandy’s wardrobe, and that trent ford dude? preeeeetty fine!!!

ok so all of this highly scientific analysis leads me to the question: has a GOOD movie ever been made of a YA book?

i don’t consider harry potter to really be YA (although the later books, ok, maybe), so let’s just say, BESIDES harry potter?

well, there’s… and then what about… huh. i actually can’t think of one!! WOW. so there really is no way i can justify my continued excitement about movie adaptations except to say that i get easily excited about pretty much everything. just like a puppy! so it’s a cute quality! right? um… DANG IT, hollywood, i fall for it EVERY TIME! what a fool i’ve been!

but guess what? fools suffer gladly! or whatever! cos when i heard about zack galifianakis’ possible participation in “it’s kind of a funny story,” of COURSE i completely spazzed! so then i looked it up on IMDB, and i discovered that emma roberts will be playing noelle. then i wondered, “hmm, what else has emma roberts been in?” i looked HER up on IMDB, only to discover that she is ALSO starring in…

MEMOIRS OF A TEENAGE AMNESIAC! THE MOVIE!!! OMG!!!

given my love for the book, of course i was totally freaking out, esp. when i saw that ANTON YELCHIN IS IN IT?!! THE SAME ANTON YELCHIN THAT I PERSONALLY CAST AS WILL for the FYA version of the movie?!!!! hollywood you better not be effing with me!!!!

but… wait, why is everyone else in the movie japanese? and why are the characters names different? why is will now known as ACE ZUCKERMAN? WTF?!!

is this all some big joke to you, hollywood? do you ENJOY doing a little stompy victory dance over my tattered film adaptation dreams? esp. when you KNOW how excited i get?!! remember, i’m like a puppy. no one likes people who are mean to puppies!

seriously, though, someone please explain the japanese thing to me? and yes, it’s the same book, cos gabrielle zevin is the author of the screenplay.

while i take a minute to nurse my wounds (don’t worry, i’ll be back to Full Excitement Levels after a minute– just like a… ok. this is the last time i’ll use the puppy analogy, i promise. PUPPIES!), feel free to weigh in. are there any good film adaptations of YA movies? and which books do you (foolishly) dream about seeing on the silver screen? in addition to “the hunger games,” obvs!