Previous episode: “Pilot”
For all two of you who logged onto FYA last Tuesday morning, desperately awaiting your Lying Game recap, something HAPPENED. I was slow getting it ready, so I was going to post it in the afternoon. And there I am, at work, typey-typing away, doing worky things, minding my own business, when THE EARTH DECIDED TO MOVE. Now, before all of you go “omg, I’ve been in like a billion earthquakes, everyone is making such a big deal, blaaaah” I shall remind you that SCIENCE TOLD ME I WAS SAFE. When you live in Our Nation’s Capital and your entire hundred-year-old building starts shaking, your first instinct is not earthquake. You’ve been TOLD that you live in a place without earthquakes. So no, your thoughts immediately turn to WE ARE BEING BOMBED. Which, thankfully, was obviously not the case. But then we had to stand outside and eventually got “evacuated” to the safety of our cars and congested roads and by the time I got home, I took a mother lovin’ NAP, which I NEEDED. So what I’m saying is, Lying Game had to WAIT.
But it’s here now, so better late than never or something? Though, I’m going to be honest. I really wish I were watching Chloe King right now. I know, I KNOW, who’s have thought I’d be saying that but Chloe King just gets under your SKIN somehow, like a TAPEWORM. Anyway, Lying Game shall have to suffice. Except, I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here, because I didn’t watch the pilot. You’d think I’d be at an advantage, since I’ve read the books, but Erin’s recap made me realize NOTHING IS THE SAME, AT ALL. So I am massively confused. Well, never mind that. To the recap!
Poor Twin wakes up in Rich Twin’s fancy, fluffy bed. Poor Twin basically has what I will refer to as a Pretty Woman Moment. That’s when a poor person in a movie or tv show behaves all wide-eyed and embarrassing over experiencing the “good life.” Like, it’s just a bed! Let’s have some perspective. Apparently the “good life” involves Poor Twin wearing Rich Twin’s (who I shall now refer to as Sutton, because I feel like that name sums her up pretty well) fugly hat. We see police tape over the broken window to remind us that Poor Twin had a break-in. Would police ACTUALLY use their police tape on a broken window? Maybe just for rich people. So I wouldn’t know. Poor Twin’s gross foster brother calls her to threaten her again about the money he framed her for stealing. Is this really going to keep being a plot point? Because there is no way she would get convicted for that.
Poor Twin goes downstairs into the kitchen. The Dad who is not really her dad dances with her. I think this is supposed to be charming? But it’s kind of creeping me out. Poor Twin goes back up to her room. Ethan is there! Because ABCFam is working REALLY hard to convince teenage girls everywhere that boys sneaking into your room is sexy, not creepy.
Cut to the opening credits, which are… words fail me. It’s both twins, floating around in a pool. I tried to find a clip, but I couldn’t. Just trust me that it’s… unsettling.
Poor Twin is with sister Laurel in the car. Laurel shows her that a video of her punching Nisha is all over the YouTubez. Laurel ventures to guess that Sutton’s laptop was stolen due to its containing information on The Lying Game. Is that the first mention of the game? Wow, I love that these girls think their stupid prank club is interesting enough that someone would risk a breaking and entering for. Yeeeeah.
Poor Twin is at school. She sees Nisha and apologizes for that whole punching her in the face/getting the video on the internet thing. Shockingly, Nisha doesn’t buy it. Nisha says she only hooked up with Luke (Sutton’s boyf) just to piss her off. Poor Twin is pretty dumb if she thinks a face punch and apology is going to clear up what is obviously YEARS of bad blood. Sutton’s token double besties show up. Their names are Mads and Char, short for Madeline and Charlotte. I was hoping Char was short for Charmander, but alas. Is it just me or does this actress who plays Poot Twin/Sutton kind of look like a little baby Maggie Gyllenhaal? Kinda, maybe?
Back at the Mercer house. Daddy Mercer is talking to Laurel. He’s asking her why she isn’t going to some Daddy-Daughter Dance. Apparently the D-D Dance has always been a thing for him and Sutton. Which…awkward. Why do these parents ignore real daughter over adopted daughter? Like, good on them for understanding that blood doesn’t make a family, but they’re kind of overcompensating here. Plus, Laurel seems WAY nicer.
Poor Twin goes to The Local Country Club. Ethan works there. How convenient! He mentions something, offhandedly (either that or I just wasn’t paying much attention, which is entirely likely) something about juvie. Ooooof course. Book Ethan went from being a socially awkward hottie astronomer to a MYSTERIOUS BAD BOY WITH A DARK PAST. How much do you want to bet that Ethan was framed or it was a misunderstanding or he was doing something total noble to get himself locked up in juvie? So, Ethan is going to teach Poor Twin how to dance so she can be ready for the big, creepy D-D Dance. Poor Twin sucks at dancing. Ethan is all “if you don’t learn this dance, EVERYONE WILL KNOW YOU’RE NOT WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE and it’s back to Vegas.” Uhh, really? Pretty sure people will think she had an off night. Or that she’s drunk. Getting drunk at a D-D Dance seems like a Sutton thing to do.
Did they have a ballroom dancing course at Juvie? Poor Twin asks where he learned to dance and Ethan says Sutton taught him. Haha, oh really? I’m so sure. I don’t know much about having a man on the side, but I’m pretty sure if you have one full time boyfriend, you don’t have much time with your secret boyfriend. And that time is probably spent boinking, NOT ballroom dancing. Also, why is Poor Twin attracted to Ethan? The last person I would want to date is someone who’d been banging someone IDENTICAL to me but with a WAY worse personality.
Cut to ballet class! Mads and Charmander are there. The teach is a big hunky man-thing and if someone in this show doesn’t fuck him at some point, I’m calling shananigans! This wouldn’t be an ABCFam show without some statch!
Poor Twin is watching the ballet lesson. The guy who played the flying Senator in Heroes shows up and calls Poor Twin his goddaughter. It’s Mads’ Dad. He mentions Mads’ brother Thayer, who is apparently run away to LA. I can’t quite follow what they’re saying (which, is happening a lot, but I swear it’s not my fault!) but it sounds like Thayer is on a journey to chase VIDEO GAME RELATED DREAMS. Holy shit, IS THAYER LIVING THE PLOT TO THE WIZARD? Let’s hope so. They should turn that plot into a spin-off show called Thayer’s Quest. I would watch the shit out of that show. But instead…here I am…watching a show about Lying. Mads’ Dad says some odd things that seem to IMPLY something to Poor Twin. Okay, I officially shift the blame of me not understanding ANYthing onto the show. Char shows up and turns out she’s been completely cut out from the ballet recital. Time to find a new hobby? Might I suggest blogging about YA novels? Ultimate frisbee? Banging teachers?
Ethan is at the police station, just fucking around on their computers. Apparently the cop there is his older brother. Poor Twin tries to send Ethan flirty pictures of herself trying on dresses. Sigh. Dresses? Dude was in JUVIE girl, you’ll need to step up your game.
Thayer calls Mads. She’s planning on sending him money. She got money for a dress from her dad, but is sending the cash to her bro. Apparently Thayer is NOT on an epic gaming quest… he’s just pursuing his dream career of making… game apps. I shit you not. GAMING APPS. Ummm. Pretty sure you can make gaming apps from EVERYWHERE. You don’t have to move to LA. And LA? Silicon Valley maybe, but LA? SENSE, YOU ARE NOT MAKING. That’s it. I’m officially going to market my idea for a new reality show. 15 men and women. One house! Each trying to break into the crazy world of APP CREATION. Tempers will flare! Hearts will be broken! Do YOU have what it takes to make the next Angry Birds??! Who will be, America’s Next Top App Designer!?!
Char is chatting with Momma Mercer about ballet. Char doesn’t want to tell her mom she was cut because her mom has it rough right now. Uh oh, sounds like we may have a Level 5 stage mom on our hands. We move over to Char’s place. Char’s mom is giving her new ballet shoes as a present. Err, I don’t know shit about ballet, but I’m pretty damn sure you can’t wear brand new point shoes to a recital? That shit needs to be broken in. Char has to break it to her mom that she got cut from the show. Char’s Mom proceeds to be TERRIBLE to her about it, even though her friends are there. Sutton calls Char’s Mom out on being heinous and Char’s Mom storms off. Why is Char such a wuss? Also, everyone acts like it’s so crazy for Poor Twin to call out Charlotte’s mom. Isn’t Sutton supposed to be a bitch? What’s the point of being a bitch if you aren’t going to at least be bitchy to the people who definitely deserve it? I had a friend whose mom would be terrible to her in front of me. It was awful. She would actually harp on her daughter about losing weight, even though said daughter had totally previously been hospitalized for anorexia. Yep. And then she’d complain that said daughter would NEVER get married because she hung out with too many gays. Awful, awful.
Poor Twin arrives home. Momma Mercer is slaving away, making cookies. Poor Twin offers to help. Apparently Char’s mom CALLED Momma Mercer to complain about Poor Twin being rude to her. Wow, that takes an advanced level of delusion to pull that off.
Poor Twin and Ethan are dance practicing in the middle of nowhere. Ethan says he was looking through the police records to make sure Sutton hasn’t died in LA. That’s comforting! Poor Twin starts whining about how great Sutton’s life is and how she wishes it was hers and Ethan actually TURNS THE MUSIC UP on her while she’s in the middle of talking. Haha, what an asshole, but I was sick of listening to her too.
The girls are getting ready/primping for this ridiculously creepy Daddy-Daughter Dance. Apparently Char’s Mom got super drunk just so Char’s Dad would have to stay home and wouldn’t be able to take Char to the dance. Wow, that’s impressive levels of cray right there. Poor Twin kindly offers Char the use of her dad who isn’t really her dad. Daddy Mercer is not the town bicycle! And Poor Twin is STILL lookin’ like Maggie Gyllenhaal. I just can’t get that out of my head now.
The girls and the dads arrive at the country club. Nisha is there, bitching about how lame this event is. I mean, while I’m sure is IS lame, she’s also there, so that makes her lame too. Poor Twin recognizes that Nisha’s dad is some famous football player. Also, I thought Nisha was Indian in the book? And now…not so much. But races are interchangeable, amirite?
Daddy Mercer and Mads’ Dad are shadily talking about Sutton and her SECRETS. They say they have ONE big secret. I wonder what it is! Momma Mercer is cleaning Sutton’s room. Poor Twin’s phone rings and it’s Travis, the gross foster brother. Apparently they ARE going to make that a plot point after all. Wonderful.
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! It’s the Daddy-Daughter Dance! Daddy Mercer calls Poor Twin out on her bad dancing. Oh no, WILL EVERYTHING BE REVEALED BY HER TWO LEFT FEET? He talks about them dancing together in Paris. Did Sutton go clubbin’ with her dad? I have never, ever danced with my father and I am perfectly content to keep it that way. Char is talking to Laurel and there must be some bad blood there because Char is being a total bitch. Either that or Char is one of those horrible, weak people who let themselves get picked on and respond by shitting on the few people they can find weaker than themselves. Uh, probably that. Char cuts in on Daddy Mercer and dances with him even before Laurel can get a chance.
Mads is talking to her Dad, who is pounding back the hard liquor. He notices that her dress still has a tag on it and calls her out on sending his money to Thayer. Mads’ Dad is bitching about Thayer and his pipe dream. Mads and Dad fight over Thayer and she storms out. He runs after her and Poor Twin comes to try and break it up. Mads’ Dad starts yelling at Poor Twin, saying it was her (Sutton’s) fault that Thayer left. Which could be true for all we know? Mads’ Dad starts getting rough with Poor Twin and Ethan shows up. Mads’ Dad PUNCHES Ethan. And for some reason I cannot fathom, Ethan is somehow in trouble for receiving a punch? Umm, I know rich people get away with lots of things, but pretty sure you can’t get away with punching a MINOR IN THE FACE, in front of many witnesses, even if you ARE a fancy pants lawyer like Mads’ Dad.
Poor Twin decides to go to the police. She tells them she’s Sutton’s long lost twin and that Sutton is in trouble. The police are all LOL YEAH RIGHT SUTTON, FOOL ME TWICE!
Mads and Char are sitting around the pool. Char is creepy and talking about wanting to be friends with Mads, forever and ever, through college and BEYOND. Sorry to break it to you Char, but that’s probably not gonna happen.
Poor Twin arrives home and Momma Mercer asks her about the weird phone call. Poor Twin claims it was Char’s phone. Her mom is all “why did they ask for Emma?” Ummm, HELLO, have you ever heard of this thing called WRONG NUMBERS?? I’ve had my same number for 2.5 years and I STILL get calls for Keith, who I’m pretty sure was a drug dealer or a small time pimp. I mean, why else are people texting me, asking me what’s good tonight?
Sutton finally calls Poor Twin! Video chat! Sutton is safe after all. Sutton freaks about her laptop being stolen. Shoulda’ LoJacked that shit, son! Sutton is still trying to track down her real mom. Why? I’m not sure, since she (apparently) has wonderful parents already. Sutton is there with Thayer, but keeps that part a secret.
The Mercer parents are gossiping about Sutton. Laurel comes down and is all HELLO she’s totally getting finger banged by that Ethan guy. They all go up to Sutton’s room to find that Ethan IS there, thought not presenting finger banging. Ruh roh!
Mads’ Dad is getting crunk at the country club bar. Cop Brother shows up and again THANKS HIM for not pressing charges against Ethan. Wait, is GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE a crime? If so, I’m going to start face punching all of my enemies to get them into trouble. Seriously, did I miss something here? The sense! It is not making! Mads’ Dad goes outside and meets up with some low life kid. The kid has Sutton’s laptop! Why did Mads’ Dad want to steal Sutton’s laptop?
Well that’s all for now folks! What did you think? Are you having better luck than I at making sense of anything? Will you be watching my new high stakes reality show about gaming apps? Is Poor Twin and Sutton’s bio mom actually Maggie Gyllenhaal? We will have to wait and see!
