book report for The Julian Game by adele griffin
bff charm: yay!
swoonworthy scale: 7 minus 9 plus 5 equals 3
talky talk: straight up with a side of chatspeak
bonus factors: sarcastic British boys, cyber-bullying, borscht
relationship status: just friends
the deal:
Raye Archer is the new kid in her posh, all-girls private school, and her only friend is Natalya, whose social currency closely resembles the current balance of my bank account. Raye’s pretty desperate to fit in, so when Mean Girl Queen Ella Parker takes notice of her, Raye’s panties are all twisted in excitement.
Ella wants Raye’s help in getting back at her exceedingly fine ex-boyfriend Julian Kilgarry, so, with Ella’s blessing, Raye uses a fake Facebook account to beguile Julian and lead him on. Things backfire, though, as they inevitably will, when Julian and Raye hook up, thereby causing Ella to go apoplectic with fury.
Can Raye escape Ella’s wrath? Will Julian and Raye weather this relationship storm? Will anyone in this book stop writing in chatspeak?
bff charm: yay!
To be honest, I was a little hesitant to give Raye my BFF charm at first, because LORD, she is the DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE. Dumber than Amanda Seyfried in Mean Girls. I mean, at least her tits forecasted the weather.
First of all, Raye totally ditches the awesome Natalya for Ella, who is CLEARLY an unhinged crazy person who would eat your face off if she thought she could benefit from it. And THEN she gets soft on Julian Kilgarry, EVEN THOUGH HE IS A GIANT CHEESEHEAD.
But! When Ella’s bullying campaign kicks into high gear, I couldn’t help but feel bad for Raye and want to stand up for her. And when she takes the bullying in stride and stands up for herself, I’m nothing but proud of her.
Plus, Raye needs a sassy best friend to slap her upside the head and say, “What are you doing? What, what, what are you doing?” Often.
swoonworthy scale: 7 minus 9 plus 5 equals 3
I admit it. Julian Kilgarry is a fine piece of landscaping. Tall, dark, handsome, and cheekbones that I imagine rival my current obsession’s, Benedict Cumberbatch. So, I mean, just looking at him would probably make my swoon-o-meter start moving. BUT. He’s SUCH A DICKFACE. And he’s so obviously a dickface that after hearing him talk for more than five minutes, my swoon-o-meter would have quickly sunk all the way back to 0, possibly accompanied with one of those “Ruh-Roh!” noises on my internal soundtrack.
And then, he goes from just plain dickish to dumb and dickish, which I cannot abide, so the swoonworthy scale dropped to an all-time low of -2.
So wherefore the 5 swoonworthy points that saved the day and topped the scale back into real digits? They’re all for Henry Henry, so nice they named him twice, who sort of makes me have tingly feelings inside my tummy. I think my swoon-o-meter is buzzing!
talky talk: straight up with a side of chatspeak
So, for the most part, Adele Griffin does a good job of making her teenagers talk like teenagers without being annoying. No stupid introduction of words that don’t mean anything, etc.
However. That all changes when the characters are messaging or emailing each other online. Oh, how it changes. The chatspeak – I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE CHATSPEAK. You know what? Maybe Raye and Julian did have an awesome online connection which somehow excuses Julian’s jerky behavior slightly, but I wouldn’t know! BECAUSE I WILL NOT READ CHATSPEAK. “R” is not a word!
bonus factor: sarcastic british boys
Oh, Henry Henry. SWOON. You’re my second favorite same-named fictional character from The Continent of all time! And you’re not a pedophile, so that actually gives you a little bit of an edge over the other one!
You’re so awesome – sarcastic, just slightly rude, and bored with almost everyone – that I sort of don’t buy the fact that everyone likes Julian more than you. Julian sucks! Henry Henry is the bee’s knees!
bonus factor: cyber-bullying
Well, I mean, cyber-bullying itself is not really a bonus, obviously. The internet is just another forum for teenagers to be assholes to one another, which is frankly the last thing this world needs. I mean, I love you, teenaged citizens of the galaxy; I really do. But you guys are assholes. Don’t be upset! All teenagers are assholes! It’s just what teenagers do! Being an asshole from age 12 (I was precocious) to well into my 20s is what gave me the guilt complex I needed to start being a nice person and caring about the environment, or whatever!
But, I digress. Considering that cyber-bullying is now leading to suicides in teens, not to mention several criminal court cases, it’d be easy for Adele Griffin to turn a major plot point of this book into a Preaching Moment. But she really doesn’t, and handles it quite deftly, and for that I give her props.
bonus factor: borscht
Natalya’s family always make borscht for Raye to eat when she comes over! BORSCHT!! True Story: when I was in Russia this past winter, I was really excited for two things: snow and borscht. All my life, all I’d ever wanted was to make a snow angel and eat some borscht, because they always ate it on the classic Nickelodeon cartoon, Doug.
And can I just say that both experiences MORE than lived up to my hopes and dreams! BORSCHT IS DELICIOUS.
casting call:
dakota fanning as raye
We all know I love me some Dakota Fanning. Slap a blue wig on this girl and let’s get to work!
rachel mcadams as ella parker
I can’t help it! Rachel McAdams has ensured that all Mean Girls will forever emulate and idolize her. I can’t wait to feed Ella some weight gain bars.
ethan peck as julian kilgarry
Well, I did say he was hot.
william moseley as henry henry
Ha ha, yep! That’s right! I cast Peeta and Gale as Julian and Henry Henry! I can’t help it; the second I read about HH, my mind immediately supplied William Moseley.
relationship status: just friends
This book took me by surprise. When I first met its gaze across the crowded cafeteria, I wasn’t too impressed. I mean, just look at the cover. Why would I want to get to know someone wearing a blue wig and dishwashing gloves for no apparent reason? I tried that once in university and it just ended badly.
But, despite my previous judgement, this book surprised me by being funny, sweet and hard to put down! People might even think that this book and I are dating, because I’ve been spotted out and around town with it more than once. And while we may not be headed to the chapel anytime soon (at least not until the cover gets changed), I think we’ve settled into being really good friends.
FTC Full Disclosure: My review copy was a free ARC I received from Penguin. I received neither money nor cocktails for writing this review (dammit!). The Julian Game will be available August 26, 2010.
But! I have one copy to give away, so if you’re interested in swooning over Henry Henry, drop us a comment below. Make sure to subscribe to comments. A winner will be chosen next week.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
hah, I love that Henry Henry is second only to Humbert Humbert. That’s high company indeed! I mean, pedophiliac company, but classy.
But DANG, now your casting has me liking Julian even though he’s a douche and Henry Henry is a sarcastic British boy!
Everyone should be named twice, Meredith Meredith!
So, this book is the YA equivalent of “John Tucker Must Die”? Huh.
I have to say, any book is improved by dream-casting Gale and Peeta–er, Ethan Peck and William Moseley. (What’s better is that they’re both less than two years younger than me, so LEGALLY swoonworthy and YA-friendly!)
Annie, I wouldn’t know, because that John Tucker poster looked hideous. So, in that case, yes, just like it!!
Um, I claim a night of drunken Netflixing. And Brittany Snow is legit adorbs. But it was mostly the Franzia.
Erin! When was the last time this site let you write a real review about a real book?! I guess since PLL is over, you’re not all consumed with those epic recaps. We need to find you a new YA show!
Also, I like books! Sign me up!
ha ha ha! I have a system now!! Real review, SVH, real review, real review, Flowers in the Attic. That way I get to read at least three books that don’t make me projectile vomit!
Have to say that I love the reviews on this site, and am looking forward to reading this book!
but seriously, are the dishwashing gloves ever explained? does she work in the cafeteria like kiersten dunst in “drop dead gorgeous”? PLEASE SAY YES.
i admit, i was pleasantly surprised to find that you liked this book. cos that cover does it NO FAVORS.
NO. The blue wig is explained but NEVER THE GLOVES. Why? WHY THE GLOVES?
oh my god i LOVE drop dead gorgeous. i am actually laughing out loud at the thought of her making the dead kid look like ‘he just came off his snow mobile’ hahahaha. hilarious.
sarcastic posh english boys are my kryptonite. that and wigs. my mum owns about 20 wigs in all sorts of colours, but she won’t lend them to me
sounds like my kind of book.
DDG is one of the best movies ever made, FACT.
so i totally downloaded it and watched it today. i had completely forgotten about denise richards dancing with stuffed jesus on a cross. and brittany murphy just laughing at nothing continually. and the girl doing the dog impressions. and actually the whole film. everyone should watch this film. seriously.
It’s an intriguing cover but I don’t see what it has to do with the story…except that she has blue hair. (She does have blue hair doesn’t she?)
Still, I am interested in reading it.
She wears a blue wig. Once. Seriously, the cover is completely useless. I’m sorry, cover designer! I’m sure you’re lovely and you have a great sense of spacial reasoning but THAT COVER MAKES THE KIND OF SENSE THAT IT’S NOT.
I just spent about five minutes wondering what “chapstick” speech meant and then realised you meant “chatspeak”.
LOL, I’m reading this book right now and at the moment, Rae isn’t too bad but I can already tell lots of drama is forthcoming so I’m anxious for it to begin.
This made me laugh and I’m having a right crappy friday so thanks for this review!
Rowena, be sure to drop us a link to your review!
Okay, I have to admit I love the cover. Mostly because she looks like a nurse in a neon-colored horror film. WHICH I WOULD WATCH BECAUSE I HAVE NO TASTE.
I’m torn between sarcastic British boys and dickish guy. Love the former, the latter makes me want to run, run away.
liviania, a neon-colored horror film IS THE BEST KIND OF TASTE.
You had me at “sarcastic British boys.” And the blue hair. I’m a sucker for a good boarding school story, especially if they have yummy looking boys like What’s-His-Face and William Mosley.
Well, Meredith, I’m glad you’re a sucker for a good boarding school generator, cause you won the book, thanks to the Random Number Generator!
Send us your email at foreveryoungadult at gmail dot com and I’ll send it out to you in the next few weeks.
Meredith, I’m SUCH a freak of nature, but now I can’t find your address anywhere! can you resend it to me? go ahead and use my personal email: erincurtis at gmail dot com
thanks!! sorry I’m so disorganized!
I decided that I loved Henry Henry the second I saw the words “sarcastic british boy”. Those are three of my favorite things right there. With credentials like those I’d read the book even if the rest of the characters were brainsucking aliens.
This sounds like something I would like to spend a lazy rainy day with, as long as I had adequate supplies of wine.
Wine really does make a lot of things better. I don’t think it will help with the cover though.
I’ll def read this one, for the sarcastic British boy alone. Just the phrase raises my pulse a few notches!
I love the reviews on this site, but my bank account is seriously suffering from all the books I keep buying as a result of reading them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but may I suggest the library?
My bank account was screwed, until I reserved buying books for things that I REALLY wanted to keep around and re-read multiple times.
I swear to god, the library saved my life. Well sort of. It just afford me a nice dinner every once in a while.
What is your favourite character from The Continent name then? I can’t help but feel that I should be getting the paedophile clue, but no one springs to mind…
I also do hate chatspeak – and obviously no real teenagers use it anymore, unless they’re the inhabitants of Sadsville or are on 90210. The only people I know who use chatspeak are my father (but only because he like to “conserve text space to save money” – bless!) and my mother. Because she likes to be “hip and with it”.
Okay not her words – mine. But that doesn’t make it okay!
And this means that, since Henry Henry is by far better than this Julian prick, that Peeta beats Gale! Yay! *rush of Mockingjay-related longing/Peeta-lust* Omigod, omigod, just a few more days…!!
Humbert Humbert, duh!
OH! I have not read “Lolita”, but I should have known that. *egg on face*