Last night, Jenny and Erin made a GREAT SACRIFICE for FYA. That’s right, we watched the Teen Choice Awards. Yes. FOR YOU GUYS. You can pay us back in champ cans.
ANYWAY, we thought we were going to be very clever and just cut and paste our Facebook chat in and call it a day, but Facebook is SATAN’S SOCIAL NETWORK and deleted a good 2/3 of our chat. Which was hilarious, by the by, and featured, amongst other things, gentle snarking of Henri’s shoe obsession.
So, because our chat was lost, we’re going to attempt to recreate parts of it by explaining our reactions to things happening on the screen. Step inside, won’t you?
Early on in the program, we realized we were definitely going to need more alcohol to make it through. So, we did what we do, i.e. created a drinking game. There were only four rules. That was all we needed.
Drink anytime:
- you want to throw something at Katy Perry.
- you say, ” . . . who?” in response to an introduction of a person or band
- you want to change the channel
- they mention Justin Beiber
Yep, that was it! It was all we needed! In fact, if you’re playing along at home, allow us to help you out a little:
drink
drink!
DRINK SOME MORE! DRINK ALL OF THE DRINKS! STOP TOUCHING KURT!
Anyway, we digress. Join us for some thoughts and feelings about the 2010 Teen Choice Awards!!
- Sandy and Betty getting down
Jenny: I want to be Betty White. And since I’m already getting dotty, maybe my wish will come true v.v. soon.
Erin: I want to be old and crotchety. That way when I say rude things to people, they’ll just think I’m cute.
Erin: Is it wrong if I confess that I watch the shit out of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, and all other Kardashian-related ventures? I shamelessly love them. Particularly Khloe. She’s like the Jolly Sarcastic Giant.
zac efron does something
Erin: I’m going to need Zac Efron to stop looking like that. I do not need to start liking Zac Efron.
Jenny: Um, yeah, I have never, ever, ever found him attractive. Until this moment. Is it sad that I kind of want him to grow that mustache a bit more and start looking like a gay porn star?
PACEY!!!!!!!!!
Erin: PACEY!! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEEEEYYY!!! Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop.
Justin Bieber dressed as astronaut
Jenny: Oh, Justin Bieber! I thought they were saying Beaver-Fever… which was way racier than I would have thought the teen choice awards to be.
Erin: I thought his whole thing was that he was supposed to be a good singer? Wasn’t that the thing? He sounds . . . horrible.
Jenny: Yeah, my dog could hit those notes. And she’s cuter. Case in point:
I could have put up a picture of her as a puppy, but you all would have been blinded by the cuteness. Even here, cold and wet, she beats Bieber hands down!
(I suppose I could be biased, however.)
we thought the bottles might be boone's farm
Jenny: They have to be. That’s the only way they got people to come to this thing!
the only vampires we like
Jenny: Ian Somerhalder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Damon!!!
we dubbed this person yoko
Jenny: Drink!
Erin: Go back to living off your dead husband’s legacy, Yoko, NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE.
money is falling from the SKY
8:24pm Erin:
did edward cullen just a) dis twilight and then b) diss nicholas sparks?
8:25pm Jenny:
yes, i think maybe he did. crap, i’m not taping it, so i cant rewind!
8:25pm Erin
edward cullen, i’m back to thinking of you as Cedric Diggory!
8:26pm Jenny
oh cedric. i loved you. in the movie, only
8:26pm Erin
yeah, he was a dick in the book
you know who I miss? oliver wood. that guy was hot
8:27pm Jenny
okay, no, he didn’t dis nicholas sparks, it was nicholas mumblemumble, whoever wrote or directed remember me
8:28pmErin
oh
well, then, i don’t like you as much, edward
what? why? what?
8:30pm Jenny
drink!
8:30pm Erin
why is katy perry dressed like me circa 1993?
DON’T TOUCH MY PUCK!!
(now there is some stuff about choice country singer or something, and emma roberts was introduced as a country singer)
emma roberts is a country singer now?
(william moseley appears to hand out an award)
PEETA!!!!!!
8:30pm Jenny
who WROTE this!
aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Peeta!!!!
8:31pmErin
PEETA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?
8:31pm Jenny
yeah, wait a second! I retract that scream
cut your hair peeta!
8:31pmErin
it’s okay, he’ll have to cut it before going in the arena
8:32pm Jenny:
and WHY is he presenting a country music award?
8:32pm Erin
i am like 98% sure martina mcbride has been nominated every year for this thing
(taylor swift wins favorite country singer. the world reacts with overwrought surprise.)
taylor's acceptance video, on which she surfs in a lake
8:32pm Jenny
of course she did
8:32pmErin
oh, emma roberts, you can’t hide that hatred!
gosh she’s pretty. i hate her. but she’s so pretty
8:33pm Jenny
i know
aawww, that was kind of cute
8:34pm Erin
she actually wasn’t bad in valentine’s day (which clearly i did not watch in theatres.) she should just be an actress and never sing
chuck and sarah are slumming it
i really don’t understand the yoko thing
but chuck!
8:34pm jenny
or as i like to call him, clark kent
beckham wins something about being an athlete. who cares! take off your kit!
8:36pm Jenny
is david beckham still playing?
8:36pm Erin
i think he’s injured?
8:36pm Jenny
aww, he’s got his kids!
take off your shirt?
8:37pm Erin
awwww, they’re cute
8:37pm Jenny
I meant !!!!
8:37pm Erin
yes, please!
8:42pm Jenny
so this is almost over, and i feel like it never even started
8:42pm Erin
what have we learned, jenny?
cat deeley! twitch! unfortunate katy perry-shaped person in the foreground!
Cat! Twitch!
8:43pm Jenny
aawww
8:43pm Erin
i love me some cat deeley. even when she was in england and dressed like a lesbian. actually, more then
8:43pm Jenny
we’ve re-learned that we love alcohol
8:43pmErin
we have
i had forgotten it for a second
8:43pm Jenny
yeah, i like her better less-glam
8:43pm Erin
KE$HA! NO!!!
8:44pmJenny
lady gaga!!!!!
wtf?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is stupid
8:44pmErin
i think this was how they got her to host?
8:44pmJenny
even teenagers should know that lady gaga is better than katy
8:45pmErin
why is she dressed like this?
twitch is upset
8:45pmJenny
supposedly, it’s one of the glee boys fantasy’s
8:45pmErin
who are these people?
8:45pmJenny
who? drink!
(p.s. UPDATE: we now know it was Diddy, but, like, lighting was dim.)
8:46pmErin
lady gaga is too scary for the non-LGBT teens
8:48pmJenny
i want to see the audience doing this dance
8:48pmErin
there’s so very much going on on this stage
8:51pmJenny
and none of it is very good
8:52pmErin
we need an FYA dance
8:52pmJenny
yes we do!!!
8:52pmErin
i could totally choreograph one
8:52pmJenny
awesome!
Then we could film it at the slumber party!
8:53pmErin
i want a drinking game everytime i have to see an eat. pray. love. preview
it took so much to avoid the book, and now i have to avoid the movie too?
8:54pm Jenny
whoah, edward cullen likes the guy from the office
jake should never have long hair
8:55pm Erin
never ever.
kstew didn’t win anything, did she?
8:56pm Jenny
nope!
8:59pm Jenny
well.
that’s over
8:59pm Erin
oh, it’s over
so. that was a thing
i like how we are now going over the “highlights”
that just happened
And that’s that, folks! Did you watch the Teen Choice Awards? What’d you think? Are you also vaguely attracted to Zac Efron now? ISN’T IT SCARY??
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I don’t know who most of those people are, but I love the Kardashians. Doesn’t matter if they’re on TV or on the cover of a gossip magazine (dubbed the screechy people magazines by the three year old in our house), I loves me some famous for doing nothing at all!
I get irrationally caught up in their lives. I feel like Kourtney is some friend on Facebook who’s clearly in an abusive relationship and I want to write on her wall DUMP THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY.
I know!! Every picture you see of the douchebag, he looks like a creepy wannabe porn star.
Please tell me this was a Dan Savage reference. Because, if so, I’m adding it to the millions of other things that I have in common with you all. Can you all move to Chicago and be my friends?
but of course! DTMA is the acronym by which I live my life.
Is it just me or does Zac Efron kind of look like John Stamos?
Paceeeey!
There, I joined. I think he was the only one I didn’t hate at one point or another out of everyone in Dawson’s Creek.
I agree, you dog is cuter and probably sings better than Justin Beiber, I just don’t get the whole Justin Beiber thing.
I wish you girls could perform a Master Pancake Theater (formerly Mister Sinus Theater) film at the Drafthouse. I’d be there with bells on!
Ha ha, this would probably be easier then you would think.
Oh my god. We could do Twilight.
We could ALL do Twilight. And drink LOTS of sangria!
YAY! Should I go ahead and set this up?
I wish.
actually, pancake IS going to do twilight! HELLO FYA FIELD TRIP!
YES. A dance! A choreographed FYA dance. DO IT DO IT DO IT.
Sorry, I’m still reeling from my Step Up 3D Experience. I’m off to pop and lock, now.
with absolutely zero choreography skills, i’m pretty sure i could make an FYA dance that kicks the shizz out of step up 3D.
for we shall be DANCING IN A SHOWER OF CHAMPERS!
but will it be in three dimensions? i mean, i know it will be in real life, but can we FILM it in three dimensions? or even FOUR??
ps i can’t dance AT ALL. but it doesn’t stop me.
So I’m going to go ahead and admit that despite all of the reasons why this is so very, very wrong, I appreciated this picture of Taylor Lautner’s biceps struggling to be free of their plaid prison today: http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20408932_4,00.html
And I GREATLY appreciated your recap.
Now I don’t have to watch it myself! Unless I want to feel more uncomfortable because of my vague stirrings of attraction toward Zac Efron. WHAT?!
I’m struggling with this whole Zac Efron thing too. Then I went on E Online to read celeb gossip and they had another pic of him pumping gas while reading a script (he can read!) and simultaneously looking disturbingly hot. I both wanted to drool over him AND poke my eyeballs out.
You girls had me cracking up!! Thanks for the laugh.
I don’t know, I’ve had a crush on Zac since 17 again. After a while you get used to it.
You guys are so much fun! I am surprised you could still type by the end!
zac efron should not be allowed to look like that, not ever, its slightly disturbing that i may have a crush on the same guy my freakin 10 yr old sister has and i’m like a *lot* older than her.
PACEY!!!!!!!!! i am so going to pacey con next year, like definitely am. and rpatz should learn to smile, he’s england representing and he looks like hes got a tree trunk shoved up his backside. LAMEO!
pahahahaha i feel better that i am not the only one ‘down with the kids’ despite the fact i am not very old. zac efron needs to stop getting hot. i do not want to have to watch high school musical to remind myself what a little douche he is…
you know i actually feel a bit bad for robert pattinson. he’s just a fairly poor actor that somehow ended up in a film with the craziest fans ever who turned him into a demi-god. in reality he is just a yah (edinburgh word for posh kids who say ‘yah’ instead of yes. they have ridiculous floppy hair and drink champagne on nights out…) everyone knows yah’s have strange, bitter senses of humour based on their bitterness towards their rich parents but are largely inoffensive to the rest of the population. poor rpattz… go back to your shallow existence and we’ll eventually forget everything.
Lorna, that was kind of beautiful. And I am SO adding the term ‘yah’s to my vocabulary!
Wait WHAT IS WRONG WITH DRINKING CHAMPAGNE???
seriously… uh… i think i’m a yah. except my parents aren’t rich. MOM AND DAD WTF.
erin, you can afford to drink champagne in a bar? if i’m feeling fancy/it’s payday, i’ll buy a glass of whatever white wine is cheapest. i am not a bajillionaire, therefore it’s pints of light beer for me
as a side note, have you seen this? http://www.thecurfewgame.com/ not sure if you can play abroad but i am seriously loving it. supposed to be an educational thing to teach civil liberties, but hours of entertainment!
ooh! bonus, the ex-policeman looks like derren brown. he’s comin’ for your miiiiiind.
Fair play, Lorna, I certainly can’t afford champers in bars in the UK.
yeah he really does. but grumpier. i’m totally crushing on the boy that gives you the data at the start- my panties melted a little when he says ‘i hope i’m in the cell next to you.’ me too, nameless hottie; me too.
glad you’re appreciating my rapttz pity, jenny. we should make a public service announcement.
On first glance I was on board with the Zac Efron love shame (ooh, the FYA theme song can be a parody of LoveGame!!! Give me a minute, I’ll come up with lyrics)….Ahem…. anyway, then I realized that he kinda looks like Scott Disick, aka d-bag extraordinaire from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. That cured me right quick.
FYI, the dude you named yoko is on “community” (and he was the crazy gangsta in “the hangover”). GAH HELLO I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DIDN’T KNOW THAT. sigh. old people!
I know who he IS!! But you have to admit he looks like yoko, all hanging out in a coffin for no reason whatsoever! (i presume this is something yoko does when she isn’t petitioning parole boards not to release mark david chapman. which, i mean, good on her for that)
you guys, this was an awesome public service. AND hilarious. erin, i love how you keep saying what i’m thinking, sometimes even before i realize i’m thinking it. i’ve always said i want to be miz dubose when i grow up (“don’t you say, ‘hey,’ to me, you nasty little girl!”). also, DUBS TRUE on the oliver wood! we need to cast him STAT.
i think i’d've been soooo drunk from the first 10 minutes, just from the “who’s that?” rule alone. sigh. closer and closer to miz dubose every day (minus the morphine addiction).
and jenny, your dog is SO CUTE! GAAHHH!!!!
How did you guys not die of alcohol poisoning, I watched and wanted to throw something at Katy Perry the entire time, even when she wasn’t on the screen. I think I did actually change the channel a few times, but since I had it on DVR I don’t know if it counts.
This was adorable, ladies. My reactions go thusly:
ZAC EFRON, I KIND OF LUST AFTER YOU. DON’T JUDGE ME.
Paceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAUDIE HI NOW COME MEET ZELDA!
Katy Perry, why are you everywhere?
The end.
Oh, God! Hey, guess what, I voted for these! But I voted for all of the bad people on purpose. Because everyone deserves a little pity-voting.
And Efron’s a stud! Damn you, Troy! We all in this togther, remember! “This” being my bed!
And pleasegodtellmyouarejoking about Talor Swift being an actress. That girl couldn’t even pretend she was a popstar! – how could she manage other roles? Plus, she was even worse than Lautner in Valentines Day. And he even kept his shirt on.
I don’t know how to make this reply to a thread, but yeah! Rifftrax (the guys behind Mystery Science Theatre 3000) did Twilight AND New Moon. I’m sure Eclipse is on the way. You can buy the tracks and then sync up to the movies. I’ve also heard of people… er… just… um… downloading the movies with the trax added. BUT THAT’S ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL!
LINK ATTACK!
http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight
http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight-new-moon
I haven’t heard them, but my ladyfriend says they’re GREAT.
hey it’s travis! hi travis!
speaking of rifftrax, if anyone else lives in austin, i have it on good authority that master pancacke will be mocking twilight v. v. soon. FYA FIELD TRIP!
Aw. I miss the fun stuff at the Drafthouse.
Hi, Sarah! Hey! I love this blog! Also, I recently started working as a designer in the marketing department of the children’s division at HarperCollins. Good thing I LOOOOOOOOOVE books about teen angels! Anyway, the folks here are big fans of FYA.
Travis, I would MUCH RATHER see all book covers with your art on them instead. Please get on that.
(Or start designing book covers so we can cover up the shameful covers they stick on the Vampire Academy series.)
seriously, travis, you really should design us some book covers. or just put ‘em up for sale on yr site and we’ll broadcast it cos i don’t think i can handle any more EMO GOTH TILTED FACES.
i’m so glad i saw you at BEA! who knew our worlds would be, well, not colliding, but gently tapping each other on the back and saying hello from time to time?
WHOOOAAAAAA. That’s a cramazing idea, Erin. I’ll get on it. Paranormalcy can become a book on managing your 401k. I’ll get back to you soon.
Also, I FedExed a copy of Mockingjay that I got my hands on to FYA HQ. You should get it this afternoon.
SOOOOOKIDDING.
Yeah! Great seeing you at BEA, too, Sarah. Whataworld.
HA HA HA travis YOU’RE NOT FUNNY.
Thanks for watching these so we didn’t have to. I never would have. First off, I have to say that I always thought Oliver Wood was so lovely to look at in the Harry Potter movies.
Also, the only time I ever came close to finding Zac Efron attractive was in Hairspray, but I have to admit the picture you posted was a little … whoa … hmmm, ok, potential.