Guess what time it is!!!! It’s time for FYA’s Eclipse Drinking Game! Huzzah! For those of you who didn’t go out to see the midnight opening like I did because you were just sitting at home waiting for me to post the official drinking game, YOU’RE WELCOME. Now prepare to enjoy the movie about a thousand times more than your extremely sober neighbor (who, by the way, will probably hate you by the end of the film. But only because you’re having more fun. And, ok, also because you might show a propensity to yell “JORTS!” even if Jacob isn’t actually wearing any).
So print off your very own copy of these very official rules, stuff your pockets with mini bottles of whiskey, vodka sodas and beer, and head on out to your local theatre…
Does anybody else think this was a poor choice for the poster? They all kind of look terrible, even though they’re really pretty Hollywood types. Come on, Summit, you could have done better than that!
Now, without further ado,
OFFICIAL DRINKING GAME RULES
Take One Drink When:
- Bella ditches Edward for Jacob, or Jacob for Edward
- Jacob begins a scene shirtless
- Jorts appear on screen (bonus: yell “JORTS!”)
- Edward asks Bella to marry him, and she says no
- Charlie tries to give Bella the sex talk
- Any actor (*cough*kristenstewart*cough*) mumbles so much that you miss the very important dialogue, dammit!
- Victoria leaps across the river, crossing back and forth between the Cullens’ and the wolf packs’ lands
- The camera pauses on all the Cullens posed like action figures
- There’s a flashback! (oh yes, and there are a-plenty!)
- Jasper flashes his CRAZY EYES
- Riley looks menacingly over the newborns, or off in the distance, or at the camera in general
- The first kill during the vampire rumble– Jasper’s flying-leap head-punch!
- They try to make you care about Bree
Take One Shot:
- For the tent scene
- When Bella punches a werewolf in the face (bonus: yell “FACEPUNCH!”)
- For the ‘third wife’ reference
Chug:
- As always, whenever any vampire sparkles, until said sparkling is completed
Pour One Out:
Obviously this is optional, since theaters don’t appreciate your spillage, even when it’s for a good reason. Which this is.
- For the replacement of jorts with cargo pants
- For the hideousness of the engagement ring
- For the faux feminism of Bella’s intent to hyphenate her name
Comrade Cullen says, “Bottoms up!”
Stay tuned for Posh’s review of this cinematic, um, experience tomorrow!
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Dear Jenny,
My brainpan thanks you in advance. My liver and hangover would like to have a word, however.
Love,
Erin
oh y’all i’m gonna get in SUCH DEEP TRUBS tonight. i mean, the tent scene alone… i think that should require at least two shots. maybe three. esp. when the sleeping bag is involved. HOLLA.
needless to say, i may be adding to this game after i watch eclipse tonight. that is, if my brain is still functioning.
Haha, the tent scene! I saw it at midnight and the next night my fiance was like “so how was the tent scene?” And I was like “what are you talking about?” And he’s like “I dunno, the internet. All of the internet is talking about the tent scene.” So I’m like “what are they saying?” “That it’s like a threesome without the sex.”
Ewwww.
We were going to take our daughter to see Marmaduke at the drive in, and they changed films in the middle of the week to show this garbage. We had to see Toy Story instead. By the way, were we the only ones who found the scene where they threw the toys into the incinerator disturbing?
Jenny, great work, per always.
what, brian, you didn’t choose to expose your impressionable daughter to the valuable messages that stalkers are good and marrying young in order to get your (stalker) boyfriend to have sex with you is ok? i’m ashamed of you.
i am jealous of your drive-in theater. the only drive in where i grew up is an XXX theater. toy story is a totally different movie there, i’m sure …
Being stalked is awesome!!!!!! Especially when they (edward) cuts your brake lines/something that makes you car start. Trapping you is romantic!!! *swoon*
When the ‘What Not to Wear’ people secretly follow women around and film them, it’s cute, but when I do it….
Maybe if you gave them 5 grand and took them on a shopping spree, it’d be better received?
I was REALLY legit scared during the incinerator scene! I know it’s Disney, but I was really scared bad things would happen. I loved the movie though.
I look forward to the Breaking Dawn drinking game (I won’t be nursing anymore and can PLAY) Chug each time someone says Renesmee….
chug two for cesarean dentata
Ladies, those will DEF be rules for BD!
am i going to be sloshed? because i’m watching this at a morning viewing, i hate being drunk before breakfast. ah hell who am i kidding, i have an excuse to be drunk at breakfast!!!
carla, you always have an excuse to be drunk at breakfast. and that excuse is named Mimosas.
you are my favourite just so you know
I made my manpart take me to the midnight opening, and let me tell you, twenty minutes into our hour and a half line wait i was wishing I would have brought a flask. It was still fun, though, since manpart has never seen or read any of the other ones and asked lots of super funny questions like “Since when can vampires be out in the sun?” (since they need to SPARKLE, DUH!) “Am I really supposed to believe Jacob is Native American?” “What do they eat?” “Why would 100 year old vampires even want to go to high school?” Etc etc etc.
It did REALLY bother me that the screenplay seems to have been written as though SSLBT is part of the Twilight cannon, but I sort of feel like they couldn’t have made Eclipse work as a movie without it. Oh, and I suggest one drink of coke every time Alice redeems an otherwise terrible scene. She’s pretty much the best part of this installment, unless you count Jacob’s upper body.
oh, we DO count jacob’s upper body. we definitely, definitely do.
At our theater there were these two 16 year old future meatheads in white tank tops, jorts and rub-on wolfpack tattoos walking around flexing and getting girls to take pictures with them. I almost died.
At our theatre, there was a large male population in attendance, and at the start of the film, a bunch of them yelled out ‘go team Jacob, woooh’! It was kind of awesome.
FACEPUNCH!!
Simply awesome. Will have to watch this JUST for your drinking game, as I did the first one. Jenny, you are a motherlovin’ MASTER.
Ahahaha! FACEPUNCH just about killed me off! I’m so sad – it doesn’t come out over here until the 9th. Of July. So I’m going in at midnight on the 8th. We’re eating at this italian chain restaurant before, just so we can ‘recreate the magic’* of that dinner in Twilight, after Bella is (nearly) raped.
*take the piss
Haha, Facepunch…
i can’t believe i forgot to take the drink game instructions with me to the theater as I went to the triple feature (twlight, new moon, and the eclipse). although, the whole experience was insane and amusing sans drink. i think my fav was some guy yelling “shame on all ya’ll” when everyone would scream for shirtless underage jacob.
tent scene was kinda hot would have been hotter minus bella. js.
hahaha Awesome! Did they show the Deathly Hallows trailer before the movie? I’m tempted to go just for the preview and then leave.
Oh Kristen, the deathly hallows trailer was amazing!!!! Plus everybody clapped and cheered.
All the Twihards clapped & cheered at my viewing too, which was hysterical considering that when I saw HP6 at midnight and there was an “Eclipse” trailer all the H.P. fans booed.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
I wish I had this at the midnight showing! It would have dulled the pain of Rob’s acting. And the awkward moments. I almost snuck something in anyways, but just put some snacks in my purse (movie theater food is EXPENSIVE).
Um, I think I have alcohol poisoning just frmo reading these rules. kthx.
may I add one rule? I propose “have a shot every time you watch the trailer on tv” This way I can get play & get drunk without actually watching the full movie
Oh my gosh, this site is so hilariously awesome!! I am totally gonna show this drinking game to my mom cuz she says the only way she can watch the movies is if she is completely sloshed. she keeps saying that she needs to rewatch new moon before seeing the new one because she was so drunk at the theater she doesn’t remember a single thing that happened! but i keep reassuring her she didn’t really miss anything plot-wise haha!
um, samantha, yr mom is AWESOME. could she be, like, our den mother?