In case the squeals of a billion twihards haven’t yet reached your ears, the trailer for the next installment of the Twilight series, Eclipse, was posted on the internet superhighway today:
When I first wrote this post, however, I was going off the ten second preview of the trailer, which is pretty ridiculous. I can’t hate, though, because I’m pretty sure those commercials for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter are only about 15 seconds long, and yet anytime they appear on the screen, I announce in a booming, disembodied voice, “I AM GOING THERE.”
After the cut, I offer analysis of the new trailer, in haiku form (and one limerick).
Ahoy, Sparkle Vamp
Brow still furrowed? What a shame,
Y’all still haven’t boned.
*
Hey K Stew, have you
ever tried to don a smile?
It’s just a question.
*
Last year’s jorts have been
replaced by Efron bangs, but
that is not hair gel.
*
There once was a girl named Bella
who couldn’t choose twixt two fellas
not that it matters
their characterization couldn’t be flatter,
but at least she’ll be able to wear a veil, ah!
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
The first one is my personal favorite! Thank you, Erin!
btw…. here is the full trailer!
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/03/11/eclipse-trailer-victoria/
see, this is the kind of hard hitting analysis that other book blogs won’t even TOUCH. so thank you, erin, for tackling such an important piece of our culture with yr typical courage and journalistic integrity.
and… you know the full trailer is posted, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2HIda5wSVU
can we expect an Epic Poem now?
ah! talya beat me to the punch!
God, that’s hillarious.
ok, i just switched out the preview of the trailer with the actual trailer.
and now i only have one question: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE JORTS?!! seriously, jacob, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM?
I, too, miss the jorts. I believe they lent credibility to the intensity of his performance…
Goodbye, sweet….jorts.
i know i need to let this go but… i CAN’T. like, we gave up jorts for KHAKI CARGO PANTS?!!!!!!! WTF IS HAPPENING?!!!!
hello, like anyone could be Team Khaki Cargo Pants? i’m still Team Jort through and through, no matter what this silly movie says.
I don’t know if I want to live in a world where Twilight movies are made without jorts. Really. Khaki Cargo Pants are the myspace to jorts’ facebook.
Khaki Cargo Pants are how we can sartorially determine that Jacob is Growing Into A Man. Specifically, the type of man most commonly known as a dudebro, who hangs out at bars in Midtown and finds date rape to be an enjoyable pasttime.
unfortunately for jake, his ultimate form of dudebro is much worse than yr garden variety douchebag. because he doesn’t just hit on high school girls with fake ids, he hits on A FREAKING TODDLER.
sigh. RIP JORTS.
HA this was AWESOME. i especially love the limerick and the first haiku. and WORD, poshd about the douchebagginess of jacob’s dudebro douchebaghood. a (super freaky) toddler … NICE.
Erin, I find your last comment funny as my friend and I call Jacob, Date Rape Jake due to his behavior in Eclipse.
Hilariousness all around!