editor’s note: welcome to the first installment of the new FYA series, “there’s a boy in the girls’ bathroom!” since this site is run by four ladies, we thought it would be fun to occasionally include a boy’s point of view, especially given that fact that most YA readers tend to be of the female persuasion. to launch our series, we invited henri (a real live boy!) to engage in a debate with our v. own erin on the world’s biggest controversy: PEETA OR GALE? please note that henri’s argument utilizes explicit language to make his point, so the following entry is not for the faint of heart! basically, this is the kinda thing you could expect to hear from the dudes’ table in the high school cafeteria, and therefore, for the purposes of this entry, it is most definitely appropriate.
To start with, let me say that I *should* like Peeta, because I was a pansy ass in high school, too. The idea that girls like assholes and nice guys finish last is deeply ingrained in me, so much so that I still hope that Angela Chase ended up with Brian Krakow, and I wish that Joey and Dawson had worked their shit out. But while I acknowledge that Peeta does his best to help Katniss out in the Games, he’s ultimately still a needy bitch, and needy bitches are fucking annoying.
Plus, why does he love her so much? Because she’s different? Fine. Then give me some back story about why he hates everyone who’s the same. Gale, in the meantime, ACTUALLY HAS SHIT IN COMMON WITH KATNISS FROM THEIR REGULAR LIFE. When the games are over (are we talking about both books and bringing spoilers in or not? I’ll leave them out for now) and the killing is over, regular life resumes. Even though there’ll be newfound fame and a shared experience of the A-Listers banding together and trying to kill Peeta and Katniss, when they get back to town Peeta is still a baker/painter and Katniss is still a hunter/listless wanderer.
Because of that crazy important fundamental difference, no matter what happens at the end of book three, I guarantee that if the trilogy expanded into another ten books and we saw old Katniss and Peeta the way we see old Bilbo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings, the two of them would be old friends who dated for a while, maybe even got married for a time, but ended up amicably divorced. There is 100% no other ending to that story that is remotely possible, no matter what President Bush Stand In Metaphor Man Who Seems Dated Now tries to do to them.
And that would be fine, and even sweet, except that Gale is also obviously the hotter of the two of them. Gale is a lithe hunter and Peeta is a doughy baker. No matter how strong the dude is, he consumes too many carbohydrates, plain and simple. And Katniss will only be young once. So even if she and Gale are similarly doomed and will end up as amicably divorced people because of President I Wish It Was Still 2007 So This Metaphor Rang True’s plans make everything crazy fucked up for two people who are good together, at least she would have had some super hot sex on the way to that happy separation.
Seriously, ladies. Take a second, close your eyes, and imagine sex with Peeta. That motherfucker would be asking if each and every thrust was good for you the entire time, ruining any motion that possibly could have been pleasurable, and if he accidentally made you forget where you were long enough to get you to gasp out in ecstasy he’d misinterpret that and ask if you were okay. That’s very sweet, sure, but also super fucking frustrating and an unforgivable offense.
Gale on the other hand already knows how to experience the world around him and not be lost in his head, and he already knows when something feels good because he can fucking pick up on outside signals because he HAS to in order to know where the game is. And sure sometimes he wouldn’t care what was good for you because that hunter side of him can be a bit selfish, but when he was on, he would be on fucking fire.
In fact, that’s what they should name the Catching Fire sequel: On Fucking Fire. And it should be all about Katniss losing her virginity and realizing what a sorry lover Peeta is, and then putting him down with Krakow and Dawson in the world of Guys High School Boys Feel Sorry For But Girls Never Really Liked Anyway.
And as an ex-pansy ass adolescent, I’m 100% okay with that. Because those dudes are never going to learn how to stop being pussies if the first girl they’re ridiculously infatuated with chooses them for absolutely no reason. Post-rejection Peeta will become an excellent suitor for the next girl from his district who’s chosen to go into the games and is also seventeen. He’ll train her, he’ll understand broken hearts and how the world really works, and he’ll be able to both give her the tools she needs to survive and become a champion and still be man enough to rock her world.
But seriously, don’t confuse the Peeta who’s still in love with Katniss with the Peeta he’ll become in three years after she dumps his sorry ass. That character only gets a chance to exist if Suzanne Collins grows a pair and goes the J.K. Rowling route of writing YA that’s actually for adults and therefore gets another 4 books locked in for her series. From the ending of book two it’s safe to say that while she’s a very talented writer and good at stealing awesome Japanese gorefest flicks and turning them into Sweet Valley High romance novels, she ain’t got that kind of skill. So you’ve gotta try to defend the pansy ass Peeta from the books that we’ve seen so far and tell me why you’d be okay with going down on him.
Stay tuned for Erin’s retort in this highly controversial debate!
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
ooooh henri. i can’t believe i’m saying this but i kind of agree with you… at least, about gale being hotter than peeta. that is most definitely true, but may i remind you that for girls, chemistry is about emotions as much as it is about physicality! so even though gale is hot, i think katniss feels more chemistry with peeta, given their whole almost dying together numerous times thing (aka the “speed” formula for love).
anyway, i’ll let erin do the arguing, but i will say that yr idea for the title of the third book is hands down THE BEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD. oh, if only scholastic wasn’t afraid of censorship, it would be the most truthful title in the history of publishing.
p.s. WHY did you have to go and suggest that collins follow the rowling seven book route? BECAUSE NOW MY HOPES ARE WAY, WAY UP (and will undoubtedly be crushed to smithereens when suzanne decides to kill, like, everyone at the end of the third book).
Henri, I’ve always been on the Peeta/Gale fence. For myself, I prefer Gale, for all the above mentioned reasons, so I was okay with Katniss ending up with Peeta…
Great argument!
Jenny, it’s a relief to read that you’re on Team Gale, because I was beginning to feel alarmed reading all the comments on FYA, like–am I actually the only straight woman in the universe who prefers Gale to Peeta? Because: DUH, GALE ALL THE WAY. Peeta is very sweet, and I absolutely adore him as a friend and teammate, but I would never, ever date him. And I don’t agree with Henri’s assessment that this is good guy vs. bad guy debate. Gale’s not a bad guy! He’s a Darcy–gruff exterior, short on manners, incredibly loving and passionate within. And ladies, I think we ALL know that’s what we really want. If this debate were Darcy vs. Bingley, everyone would be all, “Obviously Darcy because Bingley ew!” and Peeta is nothing if not Bingley.
More importantly: Yes, Gale’s been in love with Katniss since the beginning and would do anything to protect her, BUT he also views her as the brave, competent and strong woman she is. Peeta kind of treats Katniss like a baby, and that’s gross.
I do have to take umbrage with another of Henri’s points, although I am in complete agreement with the overlying arc of the argument (being that Gale would be a rock star in bed and Peeta…ew): Dawson is NOT a good guy. He’s a judgmental, self-righteous ass who THINKS he’s a good guy, which is the worst kind of guy there is. Team Pacey!
You take that back!!! Peeta is not a Bingley!! Peeta stands up for himself! Bingley just sits around and waits for someone to tell him what to do and who to sleep with.
i completely agree, erin! meredith, that was WAY HARSH. hello, peeta totally mans up and joins the careers in order to keep katniss safe, not to mention giving her bread even though he knows his mom is going to beat his ass, and DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED on his totally genius “star-crossed lovers” marketing campaign. in other words, he’s totally smarter and WAY more badass than mr. bingley could ever be (no offense to jane, obvs).
All right, all right, ladies, I concede. Peeta is far more awesome than Bingley and my language was excessive! BUT–I maintain that it’s kind of weird that Peeta only acts like a bad-ass when it’s to “protect” Katniss, when Katniss doesn’t need protecting because she’s amazing and hard-core and way cooler than Gale OR Peeta!
Oh man, I can’t wait for Erin’s full retort so I can really go into it.
But while I’m not gonna comment on Peeta/Gale until my next full post, and I can’t say anything about this Bingley dude because I don’t read Jane Austen owing to the fact that I have a penis and there were no zombies in the original, I can say that I agree with Meredith and that in the end Pacey was definitely the right choice and Dawson was a self-righteous ass.
But thinking about that at all now just makes me sad for Katie Holmes and miss the way she used to bite her bottom lip and I knew it was JUST FOR ME.
Peeta is both incredibly attentive and willing to be ruthless when it counts. He would be AMAZING in the sack. A-MAZ-ING.
Dude – you’ve totally changed my view on things. I’ll go one step beyond. Peeta should wait a few years for Prim to age up because that would be so incredibly awkward it would mirror real life.
I couldn’t help but post a link to this on twitter. As one of the few Team Gale supporters, and an author of a lengthy pro-Gale post myself, I love everything said here. I hadn’t really thought of any of these reasons and yet I found myself nodding in an exaggerated fashion to each point.
Bravo – three cheers for the guy who’d be aces in the sack!
Meredith and Adele! Team Gale all the way!
Although, I do love Peeta, too. I just want Gale for me…
I am also way more for Gale than for Peeta. I know that Peeta pulls through for Katniss in the games, but seriously, think about how hardcore Gale would have pulled through for her if he were in the games! It would have taken like a day for the two of them to kill everyone else, and it would have provided tons of sacrificing moments for Gale. I know that Peeta got the shit beat out of him by his mother for giving her bread once, but Gale sacrifices himself every day to go hunting with her on the other side of the fence. Also, I like that Gale doesn’t talk all the time…not that Peeta talks too much, but I like that Gale and Katniss already have a mode of non-verbal communication when they’re in the woods. Go Gale!
see, THIS is why katniss is so confused all the time. cos gale is definitely WAY HOT, but the dude doesn’t say anything until peeta’s beat him to it. and while she’s with peeta, he’s hot. it’s just when you step back and compare the two that gale kicks peeta’s ass. but in the moment, when you’re starving and people are trying to kill you and one of you is dying from an infection and peeta opens up and tells you things no one else ever has, that’s hard to resist.
but yeah, after CF when we see way more of gale, i was definitely leaning towards him. and thanks for articulating it, henri. although peeta’s totally not a wimp or a pansy — he gets pretty brutal when he’s pushed.
gawd, now i REALLY can’t wait for august.
Um… this is an awesome lot of YA- meets English Lit 201 and i luv it. “That’s very sweet, sure, but also super fucking frustrating and an unforgivable offense.” Henri, maybe you should just quit doing YA lit reviews and write YA male advice columns. STOP ASKING IF WE ARE OKAY.
Past tense. I have moved on from that. Though clearly, still scarrring.
Um, whatever, still on Team Peeta. For me. Screw katniss. I love me some dough boys.
Actually, I’m sick to my own death of Katniss and other girls in YA who have two damn fine men fighting and killing (literally) over her undeserving ass. Just CHOOSE and stop friggin WHINING about how shitty it is to have to do the choosing. Do I need to live in a District or a creepy Nowheresville to find love? Fine. Take me there, already!
I am on Team Henri, and On Fucking Fire.
schuyler, henri has been trying to start his own team for quite a while, so i’m sure he’s v. appreciative of yr allegiance. and i agree, it is really annoying when a girl hogs two hot guys instead of making a decision so at least the rest of us have a shot at the other (um, hypothetically speaking. of course). that’s why i’ve always said katniss needs a good female BFF to SMACK SOME SENSE INTO HER. you know, someone who will tell her, “look, girlfriend, you can’t sleep in the same bed as peeta and then pretend like you don’t LIKE HIM. THAT IS NOT COOL.”
Y’know, I like the idea of Katniss having a female BFF–preferably a single one. Because you know that single BFF would have a huge-ass crush on either Peeta or Gale, and be quietly dying inside while Katniss parades around doing the whole, “I just can’t CHOOSE” whine. Sooner or later, Miss BFF is gonna LOSE HER APESHIT and do the smack-some-sense thing to Katniss. Maybe then Katniss will choose, maybe not, but at least Katniss will know it’s not all about her.
Still Team Henri. And with “Mission: Katniss BFF”.
The book specifically says he’s not physically weak, and I don’t think he’s weak in any other aspect either. My friends say he’s a wimp because all he does is think about Katniss, but I don’t think being in love means you’re a wimp at all. That depth of emotion isn’t wimpy.
and he keeps risking his life for her if you were in his place, would you be willing to die for someone? that takes guts.
And i know Gale is way hot but so is Peeta, its specifically written in the book, read it and you’ll see. i dont hate Gale, i like him very much too so dont get all pissed at me for protecting Peeta.
I agree with Henri’s argument. Peeta annoys me actually a bit. I’m a bit biased and am hoping she ends with Gale ever since the train. (I just knew he was going to say I love you and it could’ve changed everything!) But, I’m a little afraid she’s going to end up with Peeta cause all they’ve been through and crap. TEAM GALE~ but, I really would love her end up with Gale.. if you haven’t guessed.
Well, I like Peeta probably because he’s the nice guy. But I can also see how Gale would be good for Katniss in many ways, since they have a longer history together. Also, I don’t think we know enough about Gale, whereas Peeta’s in like every other scene. So I like Peeta a little more. The one thing that would majorly disappoint me would be Katniss refusing to choose. That would suck.
Regular life isnt gonna happen any more. Life as they has been destroyed. So yeah. DUH!
I am not a fan gale. his whole. “I am just as mysterious if not more than you… lets go kill rabbits together cause me are killers.”
I think similar pairs are annoying. you really cant step outside of your comfort zone so much that you want someone just like you. Enjoy different people.
but I hate the pussy ass petta. he is just a whinny baker. Who can throw shit. Litterally one of the biggest section with him in the first book book be is lying 3/4 dead while the bitch he should be protecting is managing. and then the 2nd book when shit is really and everyones life is on the line…
He is being a whinny cunt and trying to be in love..
what I want:
Petta and Gale to kill eachother (in some epic fight. or maybe who ever wins the fight gets killed anyway)
Kantiss goes lesbo with the mayors daughter. But Seriously why not. then the love triangle shit of trying to please everyone who reads the book is satisfied. It would be a nice turn from all the normal romance in books. and Suzanne wrote the mayors daughter in such a wierd way. like they were hella close… even though they weren’t..
I mean. Who gave her the pin anyway!