y’all, there’s obvs a lot of twilight haters here on FYA. but, as i once pointed out to my friend talena in junior high, “you say you hate kevin, but you talk about him ALL OF THE TIME. i think you might be secretly obsessed with him.” and then she punched me in the arm. anyway.
the point is! we kind of sort of ok definitely LOVE bashing twilight. it’s like a totally horrific trainwreck, but no one actually died so we can make jokes about it and not feel like bad people. but we also can’t… seem… to… look… AWAY.
at least i can’t. which is why i am totally seeing this movie. even though i know it will be totally ridiculous and melodramatic and every time edward says anything i will have to laugh and then pretend like it’s a sneeze so the twihards don’t cut me.
it’s important to note that i will be seeing new moon in a theater that serves alcohol. i consider this detail ESSENTIAL to my enjoyment of the film. after all, i’ll be armed with the FYA twilight drinking game, so the more bella touches her hair, the better! speaking of, we need to update the game for “new moon.” i’m thinking taylor lautner’s chest deserves, oh, a shot or two! throw in yr additions in the comments section, pretty please.
and, finally, i’d like to end this post with a recent article in ny mag about moms who love twilight, which features the following gem:
But for some women, the nostalgia the series inspires has evolved into a how-to guide to romance; TwilightMoms members go so far as to suggest that the books have strengthened their marriages. Gabrielle Vittoria, a Brooklyn member who co-founded Volturi Ventures, the New York–New Jersey offshoot of TwilightMoms, read the first book aloud to her husband, a chapter a night, and now he sends her sweet texts like “Be safe,” referencing Edward.
UMMMMM… if my boyfriend ever texted me “be safe,” i would snort champers (which i would of course be drinking, as i do) out of my nose.
twilight moms, i’ll be looking for you (read: keeping a safe distance) tonight when i intro “new moon” at the alamo at midnight. and if things go as planned, i’ll be sporting a “team peeta” shirt. HOLLA!
which means this might be my last post on FYA. so… BE SAFE Y’ALL.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Sarah! I love this! I, too was going to make a Peeta or Gale shirt, but trouble is, I still can’t decide which team I’m on! Anyway, I think the shot should be reduced to a swig of whatever you’re drinking, and should extend to all male upper body nudity in the movie, because there’s going to be a LOT of it! (and nobody wants alcohol poisoning.) Also, drinks whenever Bella hallucinates about Edward would be a good addition, and THEN also drink whenever Bella does something ‘stupid or reckless’ to invoke said hallucinations!
That’s awesome that you’re doing the intro for New Moon tonight! I can’t wait to hear how it goes. Hilarious!
Team Peeta! Team Peeta!!!
I think you should have to down the rest of your drink when Bella tries to off herself. Trust me, you’ll need it.
That article about middle-age twihards also quoted one woman as saying she had more sex while reading Twilight than she had for months beforehand. Note to that woman: A) You just made Stephenie Meyer die a little inside, so I hope you’re happy, you harlot woman who enjoys sex, and B) if the thought of a sparkly vamp and/or underage werewolf getting it on with a petulant brat turns you on that much, um, you’re doing it wrong.
ANYWAY, I can’t bear to spend money on this travesty, and refuse to watch it in a venue that does not provide tons of alcohol, so I think I’ll probably be skipping it*. But that just means I’ll make meredith watch it with me when it comes out on DVD.
*I wonder if I will have time for a movie when I’m in Russia’s Armpit. If so, I will DEFINITELY go watch New Moon. Watching Bella swan about (thanks, I’ll be here all week) with Russian overdubs? HECK YES. Also I’m pretty sure they’d let me sneak in vodka.
LOL…
I don’t think any of the theatres around here serve alcohol. I don’t drink anyway (and I sure wouldn’t want to be in a theatre full of people who are drinking… even if I’m watching something as horrendous as one of the Twilight movies).
I plunked down my $9 to get my lulz in the theatre for the first movie. I think the place was full of antis! There was a lot of snickering going on during the film; it was pretty amusing. For this one, though, I’m just going to wait until the DVD release and then rent it. I can’t bear to give Stephenie Meyer any more of my money. I’ve already given her about $50. Pretty expensive lulz.
fortunately, i won’t have to pay to see this movie, so i’m not preoccupied with the image of stephenie meyer shaking my money in her hand and laughing with evil glee as she lies in a bed covered with hundred dollar bills. and probably some roses thrown in for good measure.
la coccinelle, one visit to the alamo would change yr mind about being in a theater with people who are drinking, even if you choose not to imbibe. trust me. a theater full of ladies drinking martinis and watching “dirty dancing” = HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE.
i haven’t even seen the first one — I KNOW. but i can’t play drinking games right now, so i’m putting it off until next summer when i can maybe do a double feature. i might even get a babysitter to come over and make sure both the kid AND i don’t hurt ourselves
and those twimoms are the scariest, freakiest thing i’ve ever read about. ever.
ha ha ha!
i don’t remember doing that but it sounds exactly like something i would have done. often.
so i have no idea when new moon will be coming out here in kuwait so i may not get to see it until next summer when it’s on dvd… no sparkly vamps for me. darn it.
erin, PLEEEEEEASE post about seeing new moon in russia if you get the chance. that would be beyond awesome.
No alcohol in movie theaters here either so we took it upon ourselves to ensure we had the proper amount of alcohol prior to the movie. Unfortunatley it was not enough – lol. You know it’s scary when people start saying they actually like “the first one” better. It is funny when you take a step back and look at the publicity machine that surronded this movie – when we got home and flipped on the tv we saw the cast on one of the late night shows – it was as if we could not escape them!!! I’m hoping when I rent the DVD it will be better (yes, I have to see it twice just in case my kid constantly asking me “when is this going to be over” distracted my attention from the screen and I actually missed something important – like a good scene). I’ll keep my fingers crossed. In the meantime I am definitely interested to see how the adaptations of City of Bones and Shiver come out. The books are always better – seems to be the story of our lives….
oooh tammy, i saw new moon last night and i’m about to write that shizz up!!!!
I think Stephenie Meyer rolls on her bed with money and multiple copies of The Book of Mormon. Roses are too racy and colorful.
Sarah, I really hope Henri has sent you at least one text saying “Be Safe” just for lols. If not, I’m probably going to text you that next time I’m tipsy.
leslie, PLEASE DO.