ok, y’all, so version 3.5.0 of the new moon trailer is out, and given our inexplicable love/hate relationship with the twilight saga, OBVS we have to report on it. cos we are highly professional YA journalists.
here’s the trailer. please watch carefully, and pay special attention to taylor lautner’s guns/abs/general physique.
i will now commence with my highly scientific analysis:
1. dakota, those are some REALLY RED CONTACTS. which obvs means YOU ARE SUPER DUPER EVIL.*
2. wow, you guys. i am totally glad they cut jacob’s hair cos yikes. that dream catcher hippie wig could put me off of team jacob forever. except HA HA JUST KIDDING LOOK AT THOSE GUNS.
3. ah, i see they decided to leave in the worst line from the entire movie: “this is the last time you will ever see me.” and OOH BONUS cos in this trailer, the line continues! and gets worse!! “please just promise me you won’t do anything reckless”?!!!!!! well, at least they’re not giving me false expectations for an improved script.
4. i hope for her sake that kristen stewart did not feel as embarrassed while acting that nightmare scene as i do while watching it.
5. ok, did anyone else LOLz at the underwater shot? like, REALLY? that is the most emo CGI i have ever seen.
6. “what the hell were you thinking?” i was thinking that… YES I WOULD GET TO SEE YR CHEST! and i was RIGHT!
7. i was not, however, dreaming of seeing edward’s chest. dude, guess what else burns when you step into the sunlight with yr shirt open? MY FREAKING EYES.
8. seriously, did they CGI his chest too?
9. ok aside from THAT (did no one learn from the britney spray abs incident?) the FX in this movie look waaaay better than in the first one. like, the wolves? awesome. the fighting? KIND OF FIST PUMPY!!!
10. except bella will never actually fight in any of these scenes, cos she’s a girl, and therefore she must be protected (i.e. possessed). less fist pumpy.
11. i’ll admit, i am kind of sort of maybe excited about seeing this movie. if only for jacob’s musculature. and also watching dakota fanning be evil.
12. did i mention that i see movies at the alamo, where people can drink adult beverages? yeah. vital piece of information.
*in all seriousness, i love dakota fanning, and i’m excited that the cast now has at least one talented actress.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
All the dramatic music in the world can’t cover up the fact that the acting sucks. Seriously… it shouldn’t be that obvious in the trailer; we should have to subject ourselves to two hours of suckiness to come to that conclusion!
I’m sure it’ll be a huge hit, though. With these types of movies, I don’t think it really matters what ends up on the screen; fans will see what they want to see, based on their expectations.
“it shouldn’t be that obvious in the trailer; we should have to subject ourselves to two hours of suckiness to come to that conclusion!”
DOUBLE TRUE, la coccinelle!
i’m sure i’ll hear yr words echoing in my ears about halfway through the movie, which i am going to see, even though i know it will be terrible. and since yes, people will see what they expect, i can tell you right now that i will be seeing: 1) a lot of jacob hotness and 2) a total trainwreck of hilarity and V. Serious Facial Expressions.
I would like to meet the person who first realized that you can make anything classier and less stupid looking by adding frenetic violins in the backing soundtrack. And then hire that person to accompany me on my day to day life. My business meetings would rock! All I would need is some CGI and minor chords and then people would be like OOH BISH PLZ anytime I opened my mouth.
Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella. It seems impossible that you could make me hate you more, but I guess that is your one and only talent.
And now I hate Jacob too! I mean, yes, srs gunz, but I just get So!Tired!Of!His!Gross!Whiny!Manipulations! BELLA HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU!! ONLY I DOOO!!! I AM THE BEST YOU’LL EVER GET. vom, vom, more vom.
No words on Edward. RPattz, go back to heroically dying by Voldemort’s hand, please.
Unchallenged on all of the above. Several moments in the new trailer where I laughed out loud (not in a good way), but still it all mysteriously comes together to make something I’m dying to see.
And Amen to the glories of the Alamo Drafthouse. The Sangria in a blood bag was the best part of the midnight showing of 1st movie.
Okay, a few points:
-Taylor yumminess is abundant, so that’s a bonus. We need to remember HIM during our casting calls!
-In the underwater scene, why is Edward upside down? Is he just messing with Bella now?
-I’m a little concerned for the black wolf.
-At least in this one, Edward actually LOOKS like a monster. I think that’s more like it!
-We recently had a Twilight Drinking Game party, and it made the movie experience STELLAR!!!!! So if you live in Austin, definitely just see this at the Alamo! If not, Jameson makes lovely little bottles you can pour into your coke at the multi-plex. Not that I do that.
nancy, good call on the sangria in a bag. i’m hoping to convince the alamo not only to bring that delicious creepiness back but ALSO to offer true blood! holla!
ERIN! dude! let’s just download some dramatic string music on our phones then covertly play it when we need sympathy/power/dramatic appeal.
jenny, you need to write a post with the twilight drinking game! seriously! INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.
Well I am really confused. I mean the music made it seem like I was watching this grand event that would be so amazing, but the acting made me laugh out loud, so I am not sure how I feel.
I do however have 3 employees that requested those days off just to go see the opening on of the film, so I will see the movie just to try and understand their motivation…and hopefully drink some sangria blood at the alamo.
Sangria blood (made with blood oranges, natch) at the Alamo would make this entire event so much more worthwhile. Well, and I guess also not “acquiring” the film the day of its release, watching it whilst drunk and shouting out “WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING GREEN?” to my cats.
Actually, the Alamo could do a whole menu with blood oranges! This could easily segue also into some viewings of Dexter Season 4. In this way, we could all have: A) a tasty meal, B) a hearty laugh over this film and C) actually something good to watch at the end.
Jenny, I second poshdeluxe’s call for a Twilight Drinking Game post. I need this in my life.
Okay, I’ll work on that post soon!
BTW, Erin, I love the Dexter idea! We totally make ham and eggs with blood orange juice at home on Sunday mornings whenever we watch Dexter!
Why do I have a hard time picturing Michael Sheen as anything other than Tony Blair (in The Queen). He totally tripped me out as the ab-tastic werewolf Lucian in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which happened to have some of the weakest vampires in the history of literature or cinema (Seriously? They have to ride horses and use swords? Weak.), and now he seems to straight up beast mode as Aro in New Moon: Rise of the Crap-Fest.
I (heart) both him and Dakota Fanning. Yea to the casting people for finally getting some acting talent, even it is has to come in the form of the Volturi (which we won’t get to see in Movie #3). That appears to be infinitely better than the creepy 40-year-old chick playing Alice who appears to get a lot of play while wearing touring scarves in this film.
literaturecrazy, i totally agree about the weakass vampires in underworld… except for parker posey who IS CRAZYCAKES.
and yeah, what is UP with alice getting all upons grace kelly? i thought she was supposed to be all sprite-y, not like somebody’s “cool mom.”
Not to worry, I already cast Taylor as Gale in Hunger Games!! Sexy hunting outfits….YESSSS.
I like Dakota Fanning, but apparently all she will do in this movie is stand there and look weird. What a waste of the one actual acting talent.
The actress who plays Alice seemed all wrong to me in the first movie and she still does. She looks too old to be a teen vamp, and her hair is stupid.
Is Edward’s chest actually supposed to look sexy?? He looks emaciated! Ewwwww. I am 100% Team Jacob, which is about the only reason I will see this movie. That and the potential for cool effects with the werewolves.
I love so very much that Kristen Stewart opted to cut her hair mullet-wise for the Joan Jet biopic and wear a wig as Bella, rather than growing her hair out Bella-wise and wearing a mullet wig. Points for that, madame.