REPORT CARD
bff charm: YAY!
swoonworthy scale: 10
talky talk: no messing around
bonus factors: rebel forces, crazy presidents, wedding dresses
relationship status: GOING TO THE CHAPEL
the deal:
Y’all. Y’ALL. Suzanne Collins is NOT MESSING AROUND.
Okay, sorry, sorry. I will attempt to be A Professional and review this book without reducing to multiple exclamation marks and lolcat speak but IT WILL BE HARD. So forgive me in advance.
You may have heard of a little book called The Hunger Games which nooo one here at FYA is obsessed with at all. Catching Fire is the sequel to The Hunger Games, and in it, some crazy shit goes down, y’all. I’m talking political revolution, professions of love, behind-the-scenes manipulations, a president who may or may not eat humans for kicks and yet more evidence that Peeta is amazing. And then there’s Gale, all hot and broody and awesome. And, of course, Kat, one of the most kickass female characters evs.
And y’all, I am here to tell you: Catching Fire is like The Hunger Games’ crazier, awesome, smarter cousin. You know, the cousin who drags you into protesting nuclear testing and then gets you arrested and then drops someone in the showers, just to show everyone who’s boss? Catching Fire is that cousin.
I don’t want to give too much away, because it was just released and maybe not everyone is as crazy as I am, staying up half the night to finish it before having to drive up to Austin at 6 am. BUT. Let me just say that this book goes on hyperdrive. SO MUCH STUFF HAPPENS. And maybe it was ’cause I was too busy carving out PEETA I LOVE YOU on my bedroom walls to pay attention, but Collins totally pulled the rug out from under me! So many crazy twists and turns! And lots o’ violence!
bff charm: yay!
Yeah, right, like there was any doubt. OBVS Kat is already my bestest bestie evs. Look, I’m just saying, if I’m going to live in a post-apocalyptic dystopia with the Capitol severely limiting my food supply, I’m going to seek out the girl with the arrows. Plus, like Sarah already said, SOMEONE has got to tell that girl the score when it comes to boys. And then kindly offer to take whichever one she doesn’t want off her hands for her. I mean, in the name of friendship, and all.
swoonworthy scale: 10
I am sorry, but we’re going to have to crank this relationship status all the way to 11 10. Cause holy jeez, do things get hot.
First of all, there’s Gale, who’s just a wee bit ticked at Kat for playing out a love affair with Peeta for the cameras. But is it really just acting? Or has Kat really fallen for the steadfast, totally awesome Peeta? Kat! Do what I’d do – make out with them both, a lot, and then choose at the last possible moment!
Actually, I already know how I’d choose. Gale, you are tall, dark and handsome, but you can in no way compete with a boy who BAKES. Ever.
talky talk: no messing around
Suzanne Collins retains her frank, matter-of-fact narrative style for Catching Fire, and holy crap, she does not pull any punches. There’s basically no time to breathe when you’re reading this book, and don’t plan on picking it up at 11 pm at night when you have work the next day. Unless you like going to work with dark circles under your eyes, muttering about mockingjays and giant clocks. I mean, I do that sometimes, but I also have a reputation at work for being a total freak.
bonus factor: rebel forces
So, all-out war isn’t very fun, cause usually one country drops bombs on the other and then everyone feels really bad. But rebels! With their secret codes and hidden plans, takin’ down the Man*!! That’s ALWAYS awesome.
*note to U.S. authorities: i am not working to take down the Man.
bonus factor: crazy presidents
You guys know who else isn’t messing around? President Snow, the totally batshit-crazy ruler of Panem. He’s not too happy with Kat for subverting his Games and giving the Districts something to believe in. Not content in just hulking around the Everdeen’s study, smelling of blood, he decides to wage war on Kat, threatening her family, Gale, Peeta and everyone else Kat loves. He’s so totally malicious and crazy, I couldn’t even put up a picture of Dubya like I was going to. Evil this crazy can only go to the man who stood behind Dubya, making Mr Burns-like motions with this hands.
(Awesome MS Paint job by yours truly)
bonus factor: wedding dresses!
OH MAN do I love wedding dresses. So much so that I was just watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on my DVR today (thank you, WE Wedding Day Sundays!). What’s not to love about them? Either they’re gorgeous OR they’re horrid, and either way, that’s fun!
But few wedding dresses can be as awesome as the one Cinna designs in this book. CINNA MARRY ME. But make my dress first, okay?
casting call:
well, for the most part, we’ve already cast this book. I’m a little stumped on some of the new characters, but I realized that we forgot to cast Haymitch, the alcoholic Victor from District 12, and Kat and Peeta’s mentor and friend.
My thoughts? Randy Quaid, particularly in his Independance Day-era.
randy quaid as haymitch
relationship status: GOING TO THE CHAPEL
Y’ALL. You are cordially invited to the wedding of Erin and Catching Fire. The ceremony will be held in the Hunger Games arena, with a reception to follow at the Capitol. Catering provided by Peeta. We are registered at Gander Mountain and other camping and sporting goods stores.
I am pretty sure we’re going to be IN LOVE FOREVER.
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erin, let me ask you an important question: how do you feel about polygamy? cos i’m pretty sure that jenny and i are already engaged to catching fire too. but hey, if we all get married on the same day, peeta can bake us a bigger cake! and then we can get more prezzies! which will be v. helpful in the upcoming revolution, btw.
OH MY LORD THIS BOOK ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK. LIKE SEVERAL TIMES. in fact, there should be a health warning label on the cover, like cigarettes but instead of a cancer advisory it should say “may cause hysteria and/or fainting spells due to swoon.”
FYI we’ll be doing posts about catching fire all week here on FYA cos WE CAN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. so stay tuned for highly academic, deeply philosophical waxings on peeta vs gale, the return to the arena and, of course, predictions on the third book.
erin, good call on randy quaid! but dude what about the hot guy with the trident? you need to cast him!!!
In addition to Collins being a secret fan of Project Runway-as Sarah uncovered in her Hunger Games review-I would like to suggest that she may also be a fan of the Food Network and/or Top Chef. Food descriptions abound in both books.
Oh Suzanne Collins-your Gregor the Overlander series was amazing, and yet here you come with an indescribably better series that makes me declare you my author laureate.
Can’t wait for the next post that will discuss spoilers, etc.
I’m moving to Utah, and will meet you guys at the church!
UGH!!!! Gut wrenching! How did Suzanne Collins do it?!!!
LOOOOOOVED it. I stayed up way too late drinking wine and reading, which may explain why I got kind of confused during all the action at the end.
My favorite parts: more Cinna, more Haymitch, even sassier and more defiant Katniss, rebels!
Disappointments: Prim’s still in the background–I want her to become a much larger character!
I love Randy Quaid as Haymitch. I could also see Bill Murray. I’d also like to put in a vote for Taylor Lautner as Gale–especially if we can get some shirtless hunting scenes YUM.
I watch Big Love, so I’m pretty much an expert on polygamy, and you guys, I think we can make this marriage work. As long as Catching Fire doesn’t disrobe as much as Bill Paxton does in Big Love. (Seriously, bill paxton, I don’t need to see you naked that much.)
Leslie, I keep waiting for Prim to do something. Anything. Anything at all.
hey, prim has skills! like she helps with… the doctoring. and stuff.
well, save yr predictions for our third book entry that will be posted by jenny tomorrow! i can’t wait!
oh and leslie, double true on the taylor lautner hunting scenes. is it wrong to NOM at 17-year-old boy? it is, isn’t it. YOU GUYS HE WAS BORN IN 1992!